How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Farting

My Wife Just Said… #322

Posted by on June 26th, 2017, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

After my wife said this – well, after I was done laughing – I told her she just might have happened upon a billion dollar idea, there. Those Kidz Bop albums (with little kids singing covers of pop music) seem to sell like hot cakes, and I’m pretty sure if there was a “Fart Bop” […]

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My Wife Just Scolded… #299

Posted by on January 9th, 2017, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

She’s absolutely right. And I’m absolutely incapable of stopping, apparently. When our 7-year-old makes fart noises, my laughter is pretty much a completely irresistible stimulus response. In my defense, he is exceptional at it. Like a Mozart of fart noises. It almost defies belief that he can even make such sounds. You see, I’m not […]

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My Wife Just Said… #219

Posted by on July 3rd, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Your son just invented an imaginary friend… to blame his farts on.” –Elizabeth His name is Pete, apparently. And he doesn’t play or tell stories or fly or save the world. He just farts. It was him, that’s who farted. Not our son (who just ate half his bodyweight in strawberries). Pete might not be […]

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My Kid Just Farted… #57

Posted by on January 6th, 2015, under "MY KID JUST SAID..."

5yo son: “Daddy, did you just fart!?” Me: “No, I didn’t.” Son: “THAT’S BECAUSE I DID! HAHAHAHAHAHA!” Me and my son, Lucas (2015) He’s become a fart whisperer. Or shouterer. He’s obsessed. I can’t really blame him. Personally, I can on occasion be like Willy Honka’s Flatulate Factory. But I know it’s my fault, I […]

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My Wife Just Texted… #175

Posted by on August 26th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

My wife is so considerate. She’s always so polite and dainty like a Victorian lady twirling a parasol. Unless she happens to be wrestling a particularly stubborn pickle jar or battery compartment, then she’s more like a sailor-mouthed ex-con with anger management issues. But mostly it’s pinkies out and poots in private. Too cute. Regarding […]

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Kid Definishons: “Poobles”

Posted by on August 8th, 2013, under SNAPSHOTS

When you hear the word “poo” in association with your kid being in the bathtub, you just kind of tense up and slowly peer over the edge to scan for the surprise of a floating “tub toy” that wasn’t there before. Luckily, it was just an underwater bathtub fart, and the little mer-kid is only […]

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My Wife Just Farted… #120

Posted by on August 7th, 2013, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

[Farts] “Whoops! Well. My mom always said, ‘Better out than in.’” -Elizabeth Sage advice. No one wants to fartsplode. – Previous “My Wife Just Said…” A pregnant woman should never be denied the right to complain. Follow us on Facebook. It’s the best way to stay connected to us. 

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The Fart Chart

Posted by on August 5th, 2013, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Everyone poops. Fact. But before they do, they fart. Anyways, like them or not, they’re here to stay. Well… hopefully not too long actually. You see, holding in your gas can be vital in some circumstances: first dates, once in a lifetime elevator pitches, second dates, epic sports moments, third dates, acceptance speeches, etc., but […]

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My Wife Just Said… #102

Posted by on March 18th, 2013, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

My son, Finn, walked over to me and farted on my leg. -charlie   “What can I say? You bring out the best in Finn.” –Avara   – Previous “My Wife Just Said…”Self-conscious much?  

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My Wife Just Said… #56

Posted by on April 23rd, 2012, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“How come when Finn farts, it’s cute, but when we do… it’s gross?” -Avara   I MESSED UP. THIS IS A DUPLICATE. HERE’S MY WIFE’S RESPONSE. – Previous “My Wife Just Said…” 

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