How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Diagram

The Black Hole Zone of Cribs, Car Seats & Stollers

Posted by on April 11th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

[ click the image to enlarge ] Before you have kids, it doesn’t seem possible you could lose much in a crib, car seat or stroller. They’re just a frame with bars and a frilly mattress, a cushioned bucket with a test-pilot’s buckling system and an over-sized folding chair on wheels covered by fabric. None […]

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The (Secret) Front-Middle Pocket

Posted by on November 8th, 2011, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

It’s the secret that everyone knows about. It doesn’t really have an official name because it isn’t spoken of, but if it were given a name it might be humorously called “the hand holster,” “pouch o’ grapes” or the “family jewel vault.” I like to call it simply and plainly the “front-middle pocket” or FMP. […]

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Redneck vs. Baby :: TheRedneckMommy.com Hosts Our Latest Instructional Diagram

Posted by on July 5th, 2011, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

It’s well-known that Rednecks dominate the cultural landscape of a good part of America. Notice I didn’t say “better”… But did you know that rednecks also inhabit Canada? Yep, the capital of beavers and bad beer, Canadia itself is home to its own brand of hick-ified yokels. Today’s “Instructional Diagram” has been custom-designed for and […]

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Hyper-dad-dria (the flip-side to Hypo-mom-dria)

Posted by on May 31st, 2011, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

  [ click the image to enlarge ] Back in the day (about two months ago), we created a diagram called “Hypo-mom-dria” as a play on the hypochondria some mother’s get into with regard to their little ones. It illustrated the alterations that can occur between what is really seen and what is mentally perceived. […]

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Universal Birth Reaction Assessment Tool

Posted by on May 24th, 2011, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

  [ click the image to enlarge ] Fact. Moms have a monopoly on pain when it comes to child birth. There is a medical chart called the Universal Pain Assessment Tool that doctors and nurses use to gauge it. Sure, it’s stupid and useless. But what about dads? Dads deserve something stupid and useless, […]

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“How Not To” Instructional Diagram: Baby Carriers

Posted by on May 10th, 2011, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

  It has been said that “for every way to do something right, there are a thousand ways do it wrong.” Instruction manuals tend to concentrate on how-to’s, but trust us, the ways you can do or use something incorrectly is far more interesting. Whether it’s helpful is really secondary at How To Be A […]

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Kanye vs. Baby

Posted by on April 26th, 2011, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

  [ click the image to enlarge ] It recently came to our attention that people tend to mistake a well-known hip-hop artist, Mr. Kanye West, for a small child. Further examination proved this to be a very easy mistake to make, indeed. So, for your own scientific assessment and review, we present to you: […]

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Zombie vs. Baby

Posted by on April 19th, 2011, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

  [ click the image to enlarge ] A simple examination of the common attributes of babies and zombies so that a greater mastery of each may be achieved. Why, you ask? Uhhh… Okay, maybe it’s just more like one of those “why the heck not?” questions, but this is in no way intended to […]

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Parental Crossing Sign

Posted by on April 12th, 2011, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

  You’ve seen the pleasant Pedestrian Crossing signs where the silhouettes of a man and a woman move across some black lines. He gallantly holds the arm of the woman and they both have neat little bags in their arms, probably laptops they’ll whip out at the local Starbucks. They’re pedestrians, it’s what they do. […]

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Hypo-mom-dria (The Hypochondria of Mothers)

Posted by on April 1st, 2011, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

[ click the image to enlarge ] A study on a mother’s (especially a first-timer’s) reality versus perception. A mother’s hypochondria: hypo-mom-dria. Let’s take a look inside the heads of some moms (and sometimes dads) when confronted with childhood illnesses and injuries. Don’t misunderstand, mothers are rad and this is not a slight on them. […]

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