How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

My Kid Just Said… #5

Posted by on May 30th, 2012, under "MY KID JUST SAID..."

[Seeing his mother dying her hair] “Mommy… does you have poop on you head?” -Lucas (2012, 2 years old)  Uhhhhhhh… To a kid: if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it must be a duck. So if it looks like poop… Yeah, Lizzie was wearing a plastic cap […]

Comments: 24

My Wife Just Said… #61

Posted by on May 30th, 2012, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“I am the chef. You are the butthead. Now get out of my kitchen.” -Elizabeth – Previous “My Wife Just Said…” 

Comments: 16

The Super Mega PERIOD

Posted by on May 29th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Not that kind of “period.” The period that ends a sentence. Or in this case, unleashes armageddon on an entire line of discussion and debate, or backtalk festivals and whiney begging campaigns, in the case of children and politicians. When you’re trying to give a final answer on a subject that won’t seem to end, […]

Comments: 33


Posted by on May 28th, 2012, under NOTEBOOK

My sons, Cody and Max at a war memorial, 10 and 8 years old, 2008. At first I thought they were making fun or at least making dumb. Sometimes it’s hard to tell with kids. Let me explain. We’d just moved and I was using the pools of green on the navigation system’s map to […]

Comments: 27

The Language of Parents

Posted by on May 24th, 2012, under NOTEBOOK

Talking is such an important milestone in raising kids. But having kids, for whatever reason, apparently comes with a cost: your own ability to speak properly. Maybe it’s just my wife and me (I’m only saying that to be generous and polite). I know from conversing with plenty other parents that it’s not just our […]

Comments: 45

How to Commit the Perfect Toy Murder

Posted by on May 22nd, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

  [ click the image to enlarge ] Oh how they sing. Oh how they dance. You gave it as a gift, not knowing any better. Or someone else gave it to your kid, not knowing that it could ultimately make you want to stab pens in your ears or kill yourself. But whatever you […]

Comments: 94

Horribly DESPERATE Ways to Nudge Your Lover (The Last of the 50)

Posted by on May 16th, 2012, under NOTEBOOK

  WARNING: Use these desperate measures with extreme caution! They’ve got more likelihood of bad side-effects and total backfire than any of the previous suggestions and are used at your own risk. You’ve tried nearly everything to drop an entire bag of clues on your special someone that you need lovies. NEARLY everything. This is […]

Comments: 39

Breastfeeding Debate Multiplication Chart

Posted by on May 15th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

  [ click the image to enlarge ] Maybe the debate scores on this chart will help people to gauge how crazy the conversation at the group picnic is going to get when breastfeeding comes up. Maybe not. Maybe it’ll only be useful to news channels and magazine editors interested in maximizing the number of […]

Comments: 135

Muhver Day: My Kid Just Said… #4

Posted by on May 14th, 2012, under "MY KID JUST SAID..."

“Say Happy Muhver Day!” -Lucas (2012, almost 3 years old)  Being literal is not the same as being literate, but it’s funny. Facepalm. He repeated exactly what I just whispered to him. His smile was sooooo big tho! So was hers. Precious. Even though he chewed it up a bit, I was proud he got […]

Comments: 22

On Mother’s Day, My Wife Just Said… #59

Posted by on May 14th, 2012, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

My wife just said everything without needing to say anything. She gave me the Mother’s Day Look. The one that says, “Um. It’s Mother’s Day. Please rephrase what you just said.” -Elizabeth   – Previous “My Wife Just Said…” 

Comments: 10