How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

My Wife Just Said… #57

Posted by on April 30th, 2012, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“I know I can be… … persistent. Sometimes. But it comes from the heart!” -Elizabeth   – Previous “My Wife Just Said…” 

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Comments: 12

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Posted by on April 27th, 2012, under NOTEBOOK

Today is my mother’s birthday. She has put up with a lot between raising me and my brother. I would love it if you left a comment wishing her a happy birthday, but also, tell her what your mother means to you. Then, if you feel like sharing this post around it will make me […]

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Comments: 43

50 Ways to Nudge Your Lover (Part 4 of 5)

Posted by on April 26th, 2012, under NOTEBOOK

  WARNING: I’m back at it again. People still want to have sex and that’s not my fault. Kids wake up or the daily grind gets in the way. Don’t be mad at me because I’m offering sex advice or because I’m dumb. I had a school desk dropped on my head when I was […]

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Comments: 24

The Food Groups According to Kids

Posted by on April 25th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

[ click the images to enlarge ]   Children look at food and nutrition differently than adults do. Sometimes they don’t even look at it, they just breath it in without even chewing. Some are picky and have roulette wheels for appetites. But whatever the case, the food groups look different in the eyes of […]

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Comments: 57

Product Plight

Posted by on April 24th, 2012, under NOTEBOOK

Crap. Stuff. Things… Product. My boy Finn, a year ago during his pleasingly plump phase. We digest tons of marketing and advertising whole, like hankering hot dog eating contestants. Brands sell it all: how scary babies are to handle, how deadly life can be trekking outside with your kids and how VITAL they are to […]

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Comments: 33

My Wife Just Said… #56b

Posted by on April 23rd, 2012, under "MY KID JUST SAID..."

“So, when you post one of my quotes twice, do I get paid extra?” -Avara   I accidentally posted today’s quote twice. The earlier one is here. The answer is no. No, honey, you do not. – Previous “My Wife Just Said…” 

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Comments: 12

My Wife Just Said… #56

Posted by on April 23rd, 2012, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“How come when Finn farts, it’s cute, but when we do… it’s gross?” -Avara   I MESSED UP. THIS IS A DUPLICATE. HERE’S MY WIFE’S RESPONSE. – Previous “My Wife Just Said…” 

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Comments: 5

Solo Dadding

Posted by on April 20th, 2012, under NOTEBOOK

Half of my ass slips off the fake, butt-worn leather of a bench. I’m almost sideways. Finn works my arm, yanking it from its socket. My other appendage is attached by way of my palm stuck to my face. With eyes half-closed, I think that I’d love for the Arabic music in this Lebanese restaurant […]

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Comments: 103

The Breast Milk Baby Doll (NSFW?)

Posted by on April 19th, 2012, under EXTERNAL USE ONLY

I love breastfeeding. I mean, not personally, but you know what I mean. Because I haven’t ever lactated or whatever. Personally. Anyway, the other day I found this kids’ doll called “The Breast Milk Baby.” Prepare for your mind to be blown, either minimally or maximally, depending on your personal parenting philosophy. It teaches your […]

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Comments: 53

I AM A TEXT-ACTIVATED ROBOT

Posted by on April 18th, 2012, under NOTEBOOK

If someone looked at my wife’s texts to me, they could easily look like a bunch of messages to a personal assistant. Knowing that these were back-and-forths between husband and wife, someone might say, “Yeeeeeah. There’s a loveless marriage, right there!” But it’s not loveless!!! It’s child-FULL. We’re parents. Sometimes parenthood has to roll up […]

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Comments: 36