How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Bad Product Idea #7: Baby Hjölster

Posted by on February 29th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

[ click the image to enlarge ] If this was a real product, it wouldn’t just be for the recently-parented couple with a wagon-wheel coffee table and more pairs of boots than shoes (though it’d be mandatory for those). The Baby Hjölster infant holster carrier would be perfect for anyone who was a little bit […]

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Elmo… Can He Be Trusted?

Posted by on February 24th, 2012, under SNAPSHOTS

Maybe if you play “La la la la! This is the song!” backwards, you’ll hear some sinister secret message. Maybe not. For some, it’s sinister all by itself, played normally. Whatever your feelings about Elmo are, you have to admit he looks pretty creepy here. Which funny enough raises a legitimate question… Who are you […]

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My Wife Just Said… #47

Posted by on February 23rd, 2012, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Oh please already! Put your penis AWAY!” [to 2yo Lucas, not to her husband, Andy] -Elizabeth   – Previous “My Wife Just Said…” 

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Guy Sign Language

Posted by on February 22nd, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Why didn’t I call this one Dad Sign Language? Since it’s so obviously a necessary skill for a man who has sleeping kids in his life: to say things silently. The thing is, I realized that this applies to men long before they procreate. Understanding this specialized communication method* should be useful to women. Trying […]

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BEWARE: Cartoons Are Loaded with Lies

Posted by on February 20th, 2012, under NOTEBOOK

Cartoons are loaded with animals. They’re also loaded with lies! It’s true. Uh… I mean it’s true about the lying part, that there are lies. Anyway! Kids’ books, animated shows, toys, breakfast cereal boxes, restaurant activity mats, you name it, they are all filled with breathtaking inaccuracies about the Wild Kingdom. “So what,” right? We […]

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Top 2 Reasons You Don’t Have Nice Things Anymore…

Posted by on February 17th, 2012, under SNAPSHOTS

Years ago I bought a leather executive chair that was blonde-colored. Within a week, Cody (at age 6!) wrote Xuck on it (he missed the top line in the F). He used permanent marker and scrawled it in large letters on the broad expanse of the chair’s back. Amid feeling super bummed and being totally […]

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Safety from Children: Baseball Bat Warning

Posted by on February 16th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Attention: Adults trying out new things tend to suck pretty badly at them at first. Kids are the same in this respect, only smaller and more energetic. It’s this smallness though, that happens to create a dramatic increase in Peril for nearby adults. You see, for a child, when something goes wrong while learning or […]

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The @pocalypse Has Arrived

Posted by on February 9th, 2012, under SNAPSHOTS

The apocalypse is here. Right now! While you’re reading this, this very second. It’s happening… #happeningrightnow Probably everyone reading this grew up with TV. And probably had a “whaaaaaaatever” response to the phrase “it’ll rot your brain.” I did. And my brain is not rotten. At least let’s pretend it isn’t for argument’s sake. Anyways… […]

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Skid Marks: When to Wash ‘Em, When to Toss ‘Em

Posted by on February 8th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

…it happens. It’s a fact of life. I wish we could say this chart was only for parents doing mountains of their kid’s or teen’s laundry, but we have to admit it… this chart is for everyone. Younger and older, male and female. It’s true. …it happens. And not just to little kids’ tighty-whities after […]

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My Kid Just Said… #3

Posted by on February 6th, 2012, under "MY KID JUST SAID..."

“Daddy… Wet’s pway One-Two-Fwee, okay? OKAY! One! Two! NINE!” -Lucas (2011, 2 years old)  Games with young kids = their rules. It’s okay though, I fully expect to lose every game. Always. I lost, so what! At least he’s learning his numbers and I’m laughing my ass off.  My Kid Just Said The Facebook Page […]

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