How to Be a Dad

Bad Product Idea #7: Baby Hjölster

Posted by Andy on February 29th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

[ click the image to enlarge ]

If this was a real product, it wouldn’t just be for the recently-parented couple with a wagon-wheel coffee table and more pairs of boots than shoes (though it’d be mandatory for those). The Baby Hjölster infant holster carrier would be perfect for anyone who was a little bit country, maybe even a little bit rock ‘n’ roll. It’d also be great for dads with a new kid in towne, that just didn’t feel comfortable with conventional baby carriers.

Heck! While toting your tot around, you could be reliving your own childhood memories of Cowboys and Indians!… Now that I think of it, people haven’t played Cowboys and Indians as much since the way way olden days. Don’t think it’s because of political correctness! Young kids tend to get failing marks at both politics and correctness. Times they just keep on a-changin’, and so do movies and television. For instance, the Baby Shoulder Hjölster model would be good for later generations that once played Cops and Robbers. Hmmmm. I’m noticing a pattern. Hopefully the kids of the future won’t be playing CSI agent and Serial Killer… (shudder)

Anyways! I wandered. Baby Hjölster! Definitely a bad product idea, but a fun one for sure, and probably especially useful for anyone who needed to quickdraw a baby that just made a flash flood in their not-so-long johns.

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Three Magic Words… (VIDEO)

Posted by charlie on February 28th, 2012, under VIDEOTAPE

There are three words we all knew we would one day get to say to the people we love, especially as parents…

So, we decided to make a video about it. Enjoy!

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I guarantee every parent has said them at least once. Maybe you’re saying them right now. Hell, I want to say them right now about writing this blog!

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You Know Who You Are

Posted by charlie on February 27th, 2012, under NOTEBOOK

The day has finally come for me to speak about something I haven’t touched on before. I feel like an open letter is in order for a multitude of reasons. Bear with me…

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To paraphrase PM Dawn, I feel for you. I really do.

I know how hard it is out there, keeping your pride and individuality in a world full of bitterness. It’s tough. But when you don’t pay child support, you ditch out on your kid or otherwise act like a toolbag instead of a father, I need to call your bluff.

You see, my father wasn’t around too. I know, it’s cliche, but so is being a deadbeat dad, asshole. Stop imagining the violin sounds and listen up. He wasn’t around because he was always traveling or working or otherwise unavailable. He wasn’t perfect. He could’ve done better. When he and my mother broke up, with two boys to care for on her own, she had to make do. We made it work. But it didn’t help that he NEVER contributed to our child support. Again, before you get all butt-hurt about the unfairness of paying for children or how women get pregnant and stick you with the bill, let’s talk straight. That’s your kid too. You have a part in it. The genetic and responsibility part, among other things.

I know another deadbeat dad who had a tough time. (image author unknown)

My father regretted it afterwards. The whole thing. The ‘not being around’ thing. The ‘mailing frosted donettes for your birthday’ thing. The ‘send you postcards from faraway places’ thing. All of it. He told me, before he died, that he wished things had been different. I still love him, in spite of his flaws, as I hope my son will me. I wish he were around today. I have so many questions now that only he could answer. I don’t really care why he did those things or what my life would have been like had he been around. I just want that time back.

So, stop playing rhythm and booze. Cease the human hopscotch games. There’s no reason for you to choose a lifestyle over a kid. None. I don’t really care if your dad wasn’t around or not. Honestly, I try not to put you in same class as dudes who piss all over the place in public bathrooms. But the resemblances are too many. I’m not a perfect person and I do okay at the whole dad thing, but I don’t have it down pat. Kids don’t need perfect. They just need someone.

So, ante up. Go all in. Now. Be the man NOW and stop being THAT GUY. That guy smells of bullshit and acts like a knife in the back.

You know who you are. You’re more than a man. You’re a father. Act like one.

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Baby Sleep Position: H is for HELL (VIDEO)

Posted by charlie on February 25th, 2012, under VIDEOTAPE

Our letter H diagram needed a bit more explanation and delineation in a way that could only be described in a cinematic format. Thus, we shot this episode of Baby Sleep Positions: “H is for Hell”.

Good luck, co-sleepers… Enjoy.

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