How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Baby Sleep Positions: “Snow Angels”

Posted by on July 26th, 2011, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

  Romping around in the snow can be a blast. Especially if you’re small, clumsy and full of seemingly inexhaustible atomic energy, like a kid or baby. There are so many fun things to do and so few ways to get seriously hurt doing them! And it seems like snow angels were invented for babies […]

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The Legend of The Guy

Posted by on July 25th, 2011, under NOTEBOOK

This isn’t just a story about family fun and injury at a maximum-security roller skating rink. This transcends mere storytelling. It is a timeless tale, one where we simply served as honored witnesses to a legend. The Guy.   The Fortress of Roller Skating When Max and Cody and I pulled up to the brick […]

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Beating the Heat, Beating it with a Stick Until it Stops Moving

Posted by on July 21st, 2011, under NOTEBOOK

I can’t stand it when it’s hot. I hate it. I get irritable, weak, headachy, swampy and dumb. Ironically, I was born and raised in L.A. (not exactly one of the chilliest parts of the world), but I’m half English and half Russian body-wise. Genes definitely trump “where you grew up.” Toss a penguin egg […]

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My Wife Just Said… #19

Posted by on July 20th, 2011, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“My job is to raise the kids. Your job is to shut up.” [sigh] -Elizabeth  

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Types of Diaper Loads (The Truth)

Posted by on July 19th, 2011, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

    [ click the image to enlarge ] It’s never the normal, standard-issue things that we need preparation for. It’s the freaky, unexpected and unknown things that terrorize us and really would have been nice to know about beforehand. What most new parents lose a large percentage of their mind about is simply not […]

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“What is that thing on your face, Daddy!?!”

Posted by on July 14th, 2011, under SNAPSHOTS

  “What is that thing on your face, Daddy!?!” is what I hear my son, Lucas, thinking every time he comes at the camera I’m shooting him with. It’s got buttons, lights and it makes curious noises from time to time. And I put it up to my face. How could I blame him for […]

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Bad Product Idea #3: Lil’ Chompers Baby Dentures

Posted by on July 12th, 2011, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

  [ click the image to enlarge ] If the inventor of Lil’ Chompers Baby Dentures were a real person and not just the hypothetical creator of a fictional bad product concept we created to entertain you, then at one point he probably became preoccupied with thoughts of how awful it would be to have […]

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Being a Ninja in the Bedroom

Posted by on July 7th, 2011, under NOTEBOOK

This may not be about what you think. It does not refer to making love to your wife without her even knowing it or using smoke bombs and rappelling ropes to liven up your marriage. This is about the art of slipping undetected into a bed with a sleeping wife or wife and baby. To […]

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Comments: 100

My Wife Just Said… #17

Posted by on July 6th, 2011, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“My farts go faster than this guy! My GOD! Go around him already!” – Elizabeth  

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Redneck vs. Baby :: TheRedneckMommy.com Hosts Our Latest Instructional Diagram

Posted by on July 5th, 2011, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

It’s well-known that Rednecks dominate the cultural landscape of a good part of America. Notice I didn’t say “better”… But did you know that rednecks also inhabit Canada? Yep, the capital of beavers and bad beer, Canadia itself is home to its own brand of hick-ified yokels. Today’s “Instructional Diagram” has been custom-designed for and […]

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