How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

“MY WIFE JUST SAID…”

You just can’t invent the stuff that comes out of a woman’s mouth once she’s “passed a watermelon through the pinhole,” ceased sleeping and is married to you. Or one of us.

My Wife Just Said… #181

Posted by on October 6th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Um… What WAS I saying? Ugh. I don’t even remember, I think all of my brain is leaking out into my pad.” -Elizabeth   It’s over 9000° out in sun-stroked California right now. High heat and dehydration make me pretty brainless. It’s as if I’m sweating out my IQ points. Maybe this will result in […]

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My Wife Just Said… #180

Posted by on September 29th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“You know you’re tired when given the choice between shopping and sleeping, you’d choose sleep. “ -Avara   Priorities change when you become a parent. And not only that, your sleep patterns and meal sizes probably have too. We try to retain our pre-kid lives as best we can, but sooner or later we give in. […]

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My Wife Just Said… #179

Posted by on September 23rd, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“I want to cry. But I just don’t have the energy… I’m SO tired of being high maintenance! I didn’t used to be!” -Elizabeth   She was misty-eyed and exhausted in my arms. I was sitting there listening, occasionally making quiet, encouraging sounds that said I understood and felt for what she was feeling. When […]

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My Wife Just Said… #178

Posted by on September 15th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

Screens vs real life. It’s the battle of the modern age. Since the advent of the boob tube, parents have struggled with how much time they spend in front of or adjacent to a screen. And each generation is getting more adept at understanding technology, or at least how to use it functionally. The real […]

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My Wife Just Texted… #177

Posted by on September 10th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

When you’ve got kids, the art of romance and the business of parenting can be a bit of an odd couple. The “biblical sense” normally refers to “knowing,” as in knowing each others brains out, but running a family can easily burn up all a couple’s time and energy, making it impossible to maintain anywhere […]

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My Wife Just Said… #176

Posted by on September 1st, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Labor Day has as much to do with childbirth as Father’s Day does with Christmas.” -Avara   On the plus side, Avara met this Vet/Sage/Zombie Survivalist. We’ve both been seeing lots of posts about breakfast in bed for moms and “I labored for 34958735 hours with my kids.” Yes, it’s Labor Day everyone. Honoring the Merkan […]

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My Wife Just Texted… #175

Posted by on August 26th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

My wife is so considerate. She’s always so polite and dainty like a Victorian lady twirling a parasol. Unless she happens to be wrestling a particularly stubborn pickle jar or battery compartment, then she’s more like a sailor-mouthed ex-con with anger management issues. But mostly it’s pinkies out and poots in private. Too cute. Regarding […]

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My Wife Just Said… #174

Posted by on August 18th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Is it strange that I’m already planning my kid’s first concert experience?” -Avara   I grew up in a household that played music too loud and too much. Just kidding. That’s not possible. Sort of. Anyway, Avara and I love music a great deal. We rarely find a difference of opinion about the same song. It’s […]

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My Wife just Said… #173

Posted by on August 11th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Your laptop is so filthy, you look homeless… except for the fact that homeless people don’t usually have laptops.” -Elizabeth   I fully admit it. It’s kinda true. Sure, I’ve got screen cleaner and wipes and a great joke about how my laptop is a “hipster,” but… still. I’d invest heavily in a company that […]

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My Wife Just Said… #172

Posted by on August 4th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Up boiling nipples at midnight. What you doing?” -Avara   Parenting is full of thankless tasks. So many little things HAVE to be done every day, and to do otherwise means you eat a healthy plate of OHMYGODIAMTHEWORSTPARENT soup. Some stuff gets thrown in the trash, the unimportant stuff and all the packaging around parenthood. If […]

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