How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

“MY WIFE JUST SAID…”

You just can’t invent the stuff that comes out of a woman’s mouth once she’s “passed a watermelon through the pinhole,” ceased sleeping and is married to you. Or one of us.

My Wife Just Said… #178

Posted by on September 15th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

Screens vs real life. It’s the battle of the modern age. Since the advent of the boob tube, parents have struggled with how much time they spend in front of or adjacent to a screen. And each generation is getting more adept at understanding technology, or at least how to use it functionally. The real […]

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My Wife Just Texted… #177

Posted by on September 10th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

When you’ve got kids, the art of romance and the business of parenting can be a bit of an odd couple. The “biblical sense” normally refers to “knowing,” as in knowing each others brains out, but running a family can easily burn up all a couple’s time and energy, making it impossible to maintain anywhere […]

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My Wife Just Said… #176

Posted by on September 1st, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Labor Day has as much to do with childbirth as Father’s Day does with Christmas.” -Avara   On the plus side, Avara met this Vet/Sage/Zombie Survivalist. We’ve both been seeing lots of posts about breakfast in bed for moms and “I labored for 34958735 hours with my kids.” Yes, it’s Labor Day everyone. Honoring the Merkan […]

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My Wife Just Texted… #175

Posted by on August 26th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

My wife is so considerate. She’s always so polite and dainty like a Victorian lady twirling a parasol. Unless she happens to be wrestling a particularly stubborn pickle jar or battery compartment, then she’s more like a sailor-mouthed ex-con with anger management issues. But mostly it’s pinkies out and poots in private. Too cute. Regarding […]

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My Wife Just Said… #174

Posted by on August 18th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Is it strange that I’m already planning my kid’s first concert experience?” -Avara   I grew up in a household that played music too loud and too much. Just kidding. That’s not possible. Sort of. Anyway, Avara and I love music a great deal. We rarely find a difference of opinion about the same song. It’s […]

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My Wife just Said… #173

Posted by on August 11th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Your laptop is so filthy, you look homeless… except for the fact that homeless people don’t usually have laptops.” -Elizabeth   I fully admit it. It’s kinda true. Sure, I’ve got screen cleaner and wipes and a great joke about how my laptop is a “hipster,” but… still. I’d invest heavily in a company that […]

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My Wife Just Said… #172

Posted by on August 4th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Up boiling nipples at midnight. What you doing?” -Avara   Parenting is full of thankless tasks. So many little things HAVE to be done every day, and to do otherwise means you eat a healthy plate of OHMYGODIAMTHEWORSTPARENT soup. Some stuff gets thrown in the trash, the unimportant stuff and all the packaging around parenthood. If […]

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My Wife just Said… #171

Posted by on July 29th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Okay. Honey! The toilet and I just became best friends. Let’s take it easy on the romance.” -Elizabeth   The flower of romance can bloom suddenly in the rays of spontaneity. Or it can hit a very firmly closed bathroom door. There’s a time and place for everything, and sometimes “the mood” needs to take […]

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My Wife Just Said… #170

Posted by on July 21st, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Out at dinner. Arden’s having the special.” -Avara   It’s as if my baby boy knows exactly what to do when someone looks at him or takes a picture. He burns so brightly from inside. Lit from within. And shines through the eyes. A while back I wondered how different Arden would be from Finn. It’s […]

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My Wife just Said… #169

Posted by on July 14th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Hey, you wanna? [Winks] I’ve been doing lots of Kegels. So I can be like a ninja down there. Not like grab arrows out of the air…” -Elizabeth   I didn’t know whether to feel afraid or aroused, but in any case it’s clear some ninja skills are sexier than others. – Previous “My Wife […]

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