How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

“MY WIFE JUST SAID…”

You just can’t invent the stuff that comes out of a woman’s mouth once she’s “passed a watermelon through the pinhole,” ceased sleeping and is married to someone.

My Wife Just Said… #330

Posted by on September 5th, 2017, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

I have to imagine that other parents do this thing my wife and I do, when deciding what we’re going to watch. After the kid’s bedtime, and by that I mean, after he’s gotten up once or twenty times, when he actually goes to for-real sleep, we settle down for some of our own hard-earned […]

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My Wife Just Mommy-Brained… #329

Posted by on August 30th, 2017, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

There’s a term called “mommy brain.” Sure, men can have daddy brain, too, of course, because it simply refers to the incredibly dumb things you say and do (or forget to) as a parent because your kids and life have ganged up and mugged the majority of your IQ points. When our parental noggins are […]

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My Wife Just Sang… #328

Posted by on August 21st, 2017, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

Don’t get me wrong, Total Eclipse of the Heart is a great song, I love it. But any parent knows that anything good can be ruined by experiencing it several hundreds of times. Parents who watched Frozen, may have said “Hey, this is actually a pretty good movie,” and then, after a few weeks of […]

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My Wife Just Said… #326

Posted by on August 7th, 2017, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

Sometimes we put off things, kidding ourselves that they won’t be so bad when we do them later. HAH! I’m not sure how we fool ourselves into these utter interplanetary flights of fancy. Maybe it’s that our distaste for a task is so extreme that it gives us the delusion-fuel we need to con ourselves […]

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My Wife Just Shouted… #325

Posted by on July 24th, 2017, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

We all want our kids to be themselves. Until “being themselves” is them hollering down grocery aisles with a baguette lightsaber and their shirt wrapped around their head. Kids can come up with some pretty record-scratchy, startling comebacks that leave us parents speechless; either because they’re so spot on, it’s hard to counter their really […]

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My Wife Just Said… #324

Posted by on July 10th, 2017, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

It’s not like we don’t loooooove love love our kids. But kids are proof positive you can have too much of a good thing. After a long day of doing all of the things, non-stop, there’s a point where your kid being removed from the mix couldn’t come soon enough. Sometimes this point occurs when […]

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My Wife Just Said… #322

Posted by on June 26th, 2017, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

After my wife said this – well, after I was done laughing – I told her she just might have happened upon a billion dollar idea, there. Those Kidz Bop albums (with little kids singing covers of pop music) seem to sell like hot cakes, and I’m pretty sure if there was a “Fart Bop” […]

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My Wife Just Lost It… #320

Posted by on June 12th, 2017, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

In the fevered rush to get ready for summer break, sometimes you have a bit of an emotional break. Getting schooling and homework all done, projects, rehearsals for the end of school show, plus every other goddam thing in the life of a child wrangler, it can get to you. Everyone has their breaking point, […]

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My Wife Just Asked… #318

Posted by on May 29th, 2017, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

When you become a parent, your physical appearance can become a ridiculously low priority. Looking “good” is an expendable commodity we can trade for the precious few minutes we save ignoring it. This is especially true for moms and dads who are the primary caretaker of a youngling. Dressing up? Hah! Hilarious. A nice outfit? […]

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My Wife Just Said… #316

Posted by on May 15th, 2017, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

Homework can be like the ghost of Schooling Past, come to haunt and torment parents as their kids rise through their schooling. While I applaud my 7-year-old’s eagerness for homework and I’m incredibly grateful he hasn’t developed a distaste for it (yet), my wife and I still internally moan a bit when the homework folder […]

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