“MY WIFE JUST SAID…”
You just can’t invent the stuff that comes out of a woman’s mouth once she’s “passed a watermelon through the pinhole,” ceased sleeping and is married to someone.
My Wife Just Rambled…
Of course she just gave me that look. I should be more specific, though. Couples develop and collect tons of looks in marriage. There’s the “shhhh don’t say anything” wide eyes, the “I’m so entirely done with this shit” eye roll, the “maybe later tonight” wink, the “don’t you even start” laser glare. The list […]
My Wife Just Said… ( • )( • )
We were arguing about the dumbest most unimportant thing, as married people do. It was late and we were both tired (though it’s probably unnecessary to qualify that it was late since tiredness is our constant companion). To make things worse, we were both hungry enough to be cranky, but not hungry enough to override […]
My Wife Just Said… (Zipper Struggle)
It’s hard to have a grown-up discussion with your wife when your fly is down or your shirt is inside-out. But it can be done! I’m living proof of this. Frequently. The trick is to compensate by using big words and deep philosophical concepts. For instance, you can say, “It’s an entirely admissible error to […]
My Wife Just Said… [Got milk]
This would have been a funny, slightly dysfunctional Got Milk ad. Well, it would have been funnier if I wasn’t living it, and having to drive back to the grocery store for a single item. One thing I was never prepared for in parenthood is the mind-boggling number of times I’ve gone to a grocery […]
My Wife Just Truth Stared… #340
We’ve all done it. The savagely unamused raised eyebrow. The “gimme a break” tilted head. When our kids get to a certain number of years in their careers as fibbers and exaggerators, we’ve called them out on their alternate facts enough times that it gets reduced to a simple stare we can beam at them. […]
My Wife Just Said… #339
Sometimes I extend my hand for a sarcastic introductory handshake when my wife asks silly things that she should absolutely know about me by now, or over a decade ago. I loooove food. And I also love not wasting money. It’s a powerful combination I find truly difficult to resist. In our house we don’t […]
My Wife Just Pretended… #338
I’m not exactly sure after how many years on average it is, but there’s a point in marriage where you just develop acceptances of some things. Things that you’ve come to honest terms with, like your partner not actually paying a single molecule of attention to what you’re saying. When you were first courting, you […]
5 Tips for “Entertaining” a Sick Spouse
We all try to be supportive when our significant other is sick. But I’m of the opinion that adding a little levity into the situation can’t hurt. My wife, or most wives or spouses for that matter, may ferociously disagree. Heck, I’m not such a fan of jokes when my body feels like the physical […]
My Wife Just Texted… #336
Ah-HAH! No one likes a taste of their own medicine, especially when the medicine is actually pine sap and broken glass. ALL men know that the dreaded “we need to talk” is rarely (if ever) followed by something nice and safe like deciding on a pattern for the living room curtains or some such marshmallow […]
My Wife Just Said… #335
I’m not sure most parents realize or fully appreciate that they get to be mythological characters for their kids. We get to be things like Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and so forth. I’m actually kinda realizing it myself, that there are quite a lot of fantasy roles we get to play as […]
