How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

“MY WIFE JUST SAID…”

You just can’t invent the stuff that comes out of a woman’s mouth once she’s “passed a watermelon through the pinhole,” ceased sleeping and is married to you. Or one of us.

My Wife Just Said… #223

Posted by on July 27th, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Check out my earrings!” Me: Oh, wow. I didn’t even notice them all day. Haha! “Um. Actually, I’ve had these in for week now, honey.” –Elizabeth I just froze and made that awkward “I’m a bad person” face, but she let me off the hook with a casual laugh. I thanked her for not doing […]

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My Wife Just Said… #222

Posted by on July 20th, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Hey Summer Break, I NEED A BREAK!” -Avara   Having kids is like being on an emotional seesaw with poop smells and feelings. You want to spend as much time as you can with them, but too much time together with anything or anyone can be a bit much. There are so many things to get […]

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My Wife Just Whisper-Screamed… #221

Posted by on July 13th, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“I have a really bad boob itch! Hug me!” [Hugs me and goes postal on her left breast between us] –Elizabeth We were sitting next to each other in a nice restaurant. Our plates lay before us devastated as we chatted over the soft music playing in the background. Her eyes went wide while I […]

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My Wife Just Instagrammed… #220

Posted by on July 8th, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Stop. Drop. AND CUDDLE. If you give Arden anything soft he will immediately stop what he’s doing and put it to the side of his face and snuggle. He’s currently cuddling his stuffed Harry Potter owl❤️ We’ve taught him well @charliecapen” -Avara   When you have a second child, chances are good that both the parents […]

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My Wife Just Said… #219

Posted by on July 3rd, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Your son just invented an imaginary friend… to blame his farts on.” –Elizabeth His name is Pete, apparently. And he doesn’t play or tell stories or fly or save the world. He just farts. It was him, that’s who farted. Not our son (who just ate half his bodyweight in strawberries). Pete might not be […]

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My Witch Just Said… #218

Posted by on June 22nd, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“DIAGON ALLEY!!! I’m never coming home. Seriously, I almost cried when we entered.” -Avara   Courage. Compassion. Imagination. Friendship. Achievement. Books can help unlock these ideals in ways no amount of conversation or browbeating could ever hope to accomplish. We’re big storytellers at our house. As Finn got older, I felt an internal countdown to being […]

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My Wife Just Said… #217

Posted by on June 15th, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“After that episode of Game of Thrones I need to watch some Little House on the Prairie.” –Elizabeth We’re addicted to Game of Thrones. A LOT of people are. (Fear not, this is all spoiler-free.) It’s is an intense series, but it’s definitely not for everyone. Any given show can easily get the beefiest lumberjack […]

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My Wife Just Said… #216

Posted by on June 8th, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“It’s after 7:30am and both my boys are still asleep. An hour to hour and a half later than their normal wakeup time. But then I remembered it’s MONDAY. Of course they’re sleeping in…” -Avara   We made a little agreement with my oldest son that he DOES NOT come into our room before 7am. So, […]

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My Wife DIDN’T Just Say… #215

Posted by on June 1st, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

[wife’s ringtone plays] Me: “Heeeeyyyyy, sexy pants.” My 5yo son: “Daddy?” Me: [coughs] “Oh hey there, little guy!” –Lucas (aka Not My Wife) The phone can no longer be trusted, I have no assurances it’s actually going to be my wife anymore. Even during a school day I now have to wonder, maybe he left […]

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My Wife Just Said… #214

Posted by on May 26th, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Not really sure I have it in me to deal with faulty cinnamon rolls before my morning caffeine.” -Avara   My wife and I have been on a strict diet for the past two weeks. There isn’t much worse than having to prepare delicious, carbtastic foods for your kids. And my wife likes to give our […]

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