How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

“MY WIFE JUST SAID…”

You just can’t invent the stuff that comes out of a woman’s mouth once she’s “passed a watermelon through the pinhole,” ceased sleeping and is married to you. Or one of us.

My Wife Just Said… #262

Posted by on April 25th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Cuddles. Get ’em when you can.❤” –Avara   The older your kids get, the faster and more painfully distant they can become. I know I’m whiling away the hours and days before my sons push off into the vast seas of young adulthood. They will never know what it’s like to have a father who couldn’t […]

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My Wife Just Said… #261

Posted by on April 18th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

She was right. Our son was in his room “playing” with action figures on the dog. The poor fluffy pooch was sitting there patiently but looked up with “save me” eyes. I extracted him with a finger wag to my son. ​There’s an ability parents gain, deciphering the sounds and cries their babies and kids […]

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My Wife Just Said… #260

Posted by on April 13th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Pretty sure the pharmacist just called me “sir”. Not really sure how to feel about this.” –Avara   As a kid, lots of people on the phone called me ma’am. No idea why, and it was very frustrating, though I can’t even describe why. Gender identification is a hot-button issue right now. I guess we all […]

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My Wife Just Called for Help… #259

Posted by on April 4th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“HONEY! I need your help! … M-my bra is hooked onto my earring!” –Elizabeth   I ran into the room just as she was finishing the last sentence, and I actually tilted my head as I tried to figure out what I was seeing. She stood frozen in place with her arms up, her shirt […]

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My Wife Just Said… #258

Posted by on March 28th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Is Spring Break over yet?” –Avara   Most people have the wrong definition of “break” in mind when they hear it’s Spring Break. For parents, it’s not so much “taking time off” as it is “to separate or cause to separate into pieces as a result of a blow, shock, or strain.” A week of kids […]

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My Wife Just Said… #257

Posted by on March 21st, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

With so much to do as parents, some things filed in the “essential” category can get abruptly jammed into the “expendables” folder. We try to multitask, maximize and economize the crap-ton we have to do, AND get our kids to do. Sure, it’d be nice of parents didn’t have to have their kids put their […]

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My Wife Just Said… #256

Posted by on March 14th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Not really sure which is harder, giving birth or growing out a bad haircut.” –Avara   Discomfort seems to be part of parenting. It’s not necessarily an everyday occurrence, but it recurs over and over. Like static on a television, the signal goes in and out and we endure the noise over the picture. To top […]

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My Wife Just Said… #255

Posted by on March 7th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“You know the expression about ‘the two certainties in life: death and taxes’? When you have a kid, there are two more: dishes and laundry. Hmmmm… This could be a really long list.”   –Elizabeth   That list could get soooooooo long. The internet has a bunch of jokes about the failed promise of hoverboards […]

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My Wife Just Said… #254

Posted by on February 29th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“I’m so out of shape, I’m pretty sure the strongest muscles in my body are my kegels.” –Avara   My wife is a very strong person. She is stronger, in moments, than I am. She doesn’t stop. It takes a lot to piss her off and sometimes that strength clouds her ability to take compliments from […]

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My Wife Just Said… #253

Posted by on February 22nd, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Why’re you sticking!!!”   Son: “What???”   “I was talking to the pan.”   Son: “But… but the pan is not alive.”   –Elizabeth & Our 6yo   It’s funny that he was calling her out for talking to her cooking equipment, because an hour earlier was having an energetic discussion with a stick. They […]

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