How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

“MY WIFE JUST SAID…”

You just can’t invent the stuff that comes out of a woman’s mouth once she’s “passed a watermelon through the pinhole,” ceased sleeping and is married to you. Or one of us.

My Wife Just Said… #270

Posted by on June 20th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

My wife is an evil genius. She thinks of things before anyone else and catches tiny inconsistencies immediately. So, of course, she would say something like this. I mean, she’s asking for a friend, obviously, but I just love the way her mind works. And if I’m found at the scene of a crime, I […]

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My Wife Just Yawned… #269

Posted by on June 15th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

I guess I should be glad that she’s still willing to push through the exhaustion and power-lift her lead-heavy, kryptonite eyelids to stay up with me. Though, honestly, the number of shows episodes and ends of movies we’ve had to rematch because of this has to be in the triple digits now. She doesn’t snore, […]

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My Wife Just Said… #268

Posted by on June 6th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

My wife is MacGyver reincarnated with boobs and a better facility for using words to resolve conflicts. We’ve been in dire parenting situations, many times, and she’s always proved seriously resourceful. If you look at our diaper bag, for example, you’ll see enough equipment to keep a child clean, fed and happy for at least […]

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My Wife (?) Just Texted… #267

Posted by on May 30th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

Okay. So, my wife gives our six-year-old son her phone every once in a while to watch cartoons or play games on. This fact obviously escaped my thinking when I sent that naughty little pornmoji man. Ehem! Even if he had been the one on his mom’s phone, while I know he wouldn’t have fully […]

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My Wife Just Said… #266

Posted by on May 23rd, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

If I were a man who cared more about scores and numbers, this would make me crazy. It’s not that Avara’s doing to get revenge (well, maybe just a little bit), but it’s because this is an activity we enjoy doing together. Sometimes, Finn and I play video games together. He tanks my percentages, my […]

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My Wife Just Said… #265

Posted by on May 16th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

He’s always wanted to do things all by himself. At least for the first few times, until they became things that caused paralyzing boredom like cleaning up after himself or tying his own shoes or opening restaurant crayons. He’s never loved us chirping instructions or reminders at him. Who does really? And, it’s 100% useless […]

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My Wife Just Said… #264

Posted by on May 9th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

Pull up a seat, boys and girls. You see, after you have kids, hell even before that, there’s a period of time where you may eat a bit more than you used to or is even reasonable. For me, I gained weight at every step while my wife was pregnant. Both times. But here we […]

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My Wife Just PMSed… #263

Posted by on May 2nd, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

I won’t state my wife’s age because I respect her privacy and value my life. The number doesn’t really matter, though. At widely various ages, women go through hormone changes, on top of the monthly Molotov cocktail whipped up by menstruation. It’s Mother Nature’s pulse-revving, hot flashing “and now for my next trick…” in the […]

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My Wife Just Said… #262

Posted by on April 25th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Cuddles. Get ’em when you can.❤” –Avara   The older your kids get, the faster and more painfully distant they can become. I know I’m whiling away the hours and days before my sons push off into the vast seas of young adulthood. They will never know what it’s like to have a father who couldn’t […]

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My Wife Just Said… #261

Posted by on April 18th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

She was right. Our son was in his room “playing” with action figures on the dog. The poor fluffy pooch was sitting there patiently but looked up with “save me” eyes. I extracted him with a finger wag to my son. ​There’s an ability parents gain, deciphering the sounds and cries their babies and kids […]

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