How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

“MY WIFE JUST SAID…”

You just can’t invent the stuff that comes out of a woman’s mouth once she’s “passed a watermelon through the pinhole,” ceased sleeping and is married to you. Or one of us.

My Wife (?) Just Texted… #267

Posted by on May 30th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

Okay. So, my wife gives our six-year-old son her phone every once in a while to watch cartoons or play games on. This fact obviously escaped my thinking when I sent that naughty little pornmoji man. Ehem! Even if he had been the one on his mom’s phone, while I know he wouldn’t have fully […]

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My Wife Just Said… #266

Posted by on May 23rd, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

If I were a man who cared more about scores and numbers, this would make me crazy. It’s not that Avara’s doing to get revenge (well, maybe just a little bit), but it’s because this is an activity we enjoy doing together. Sometimes, Finn and I play video games together. He tanks my percentages, my […]

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My Wife Just Said… #265

Posted by on May 16th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

He’s always wanted to do things all by himself. At least for the first few times, until they became things that caused paralyzing boredom like cleaning up after himself or tying his own shoes or opening restaurant crayons. He’s never loved us chirping instructions or reminders at him. Who does really? And, it’s 100% useless […]

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My Wife Just Said… #264

Posted by on May 9th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

Pull up a seat, boys and girls. You see, after you have kids, hell even before that, there’s a period of time where you may eat a bit more than you used to or is even reasonable. For me, I gained weight at every step while my wife was pregnant. Both times. But here we […]

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My Wife Just PMSed… #263

Posted by on May 2nd, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

I won’t state my wife’s age because I respect her privacy and value my life. The number doesn’t really matter, though. At widely various ages, women go through hormone changes, on top of the monthly Molotov cocktail whipped up by menstruation. It’s Mother Nature’s pulse-revving, hot flashing “and now for my next trick…” in the […]

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My Wife Just Said… #262

Posted by on April 25th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Cuddles. Get ’em when you can.❤” –Avara   The older your kids get, the faster and more painfully distant they can become. I know I’m whiling away the hours and days before my sons push off into the vast seas of young adulthood. They will never know what it’s like to have a father who couldn’t […]

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My Wife Just Said… #261

Posted by on April 18th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

She was right. Our son was in his room “playing” with action figures on the dog. The poor fluffy pooch was sitting there patiently but looked up with “save me” eyes. I extracted him with a finger wag to my son. ​There’s an ability parents gain, deciphering the sounds and cries their babies and kids […]

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My Wife Just Said… #260

Posted by on April 13th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Pretty sure the pharmacist just called me “sir”. Not really sure how to feel about this.” –Avara   As a kid, lots of people on the phone called me ma’am. No idea why, and it was very frustrating, though I can’t even describe why. Gender identification is a hot-button issue right now. I guess we all […]

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My Wife Just Called for Help… #259

Posted by on April 4th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“HONEY! I need your help! … M-my bra is hooked onto my earring!” –Elizabeth   I ran into the room just as she was finishing the last sentence, and I actually tilted my head as I tried to figure out what I was seeing. She stood frozen in place with her arms up, her shirt […]

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My Wife Just Said… #258

Posted by on March 28th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Is Spring Break over yet?” –Avara   Most people have the wrong definition of “break” in mind when they hear it’s Spring Break. For parents, it’s not so much “taking time off” as it is “to separate or cause to separate into pieces as a result of a blow, shock, or strain.” A week of kids […]

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