How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

“MY WIFE JUST SAID…”

You just can’t invent the stuff that comes out of a woman’s mouth once she’s “passed a watermelon through the pinhole,” ceased sleeping and is married to you. Or one of us.

My Wife Just Complained… #251

Posted by on February 8th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“I have a high tolerance for pain, but a very low tolerance for discomfort.” –Elizabeth   Hang on. What? Not sure how her statement makes perfect sense to me, but it kinda does. Science, and people who push large melon-sized things out of their bodies, have long claimed that women tend to have a higher […]

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My Wife Just Said… #250

Posted by on February 1st, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Recorded my husband snoring last night. Plan to use it to wake him up. This is how you can tell we’ve been together 16 years.” -Avara   My wife and I have been together for a long time. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a game still afoot. We still make fun of each other. And […]

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My Wife Just Swore… #249

Posted by on January 25th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“I never swear. Well… rarely. When I do, I usually say ‘motherf**king c**ksucker’.” –Elizabeth   One could easily describe my own speech as “colorful.” I like to think of statements as recipes, and swear words are some of the zestiest ingredients. My wife’s speech tends to be pretty bland as far as cursing is concerned, […]

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My Wife Just Said… #248

Posted by on January 22nd, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“My guys are home!❤ P.S. I’m totally smiling under that mask.” -Avara   Chewie, we came back home. We were only gone for 8 days but it felt like a lifetime away from home. It was an incredible adventure that I will be writing about shortly, but coming home, the epilogue to the grander story, has […]

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My Wife Just Texted… #247

Posted by on January 11th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

She was watching Jimmy Fallon clips on YouTube one night, and immediately texted me about deforesting my face. I won’t call my wife a germophobe… because she’ll probably read this, so let’s just say she’s… incredibly hygiene-friendly. So, her horrified reaction at seeing something about poop-infused facial hair was no shocker. I promised her I […]

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My Wife Just Said… #246

Posted by on January 8th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Just realized my husband is Luke on the streets, and Han between the sheets.” -Avara   Yep. It’s oversharing time. Kidding. Sort of. We all see ourselves in different characters, don’t we? I just happen to see myself as cartoons most of the time. My wife is sweet and thinks well of me. On the good […]

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My Wife Just Said… #245

Posted by on December 28th, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

[Whispering] “I’m so sorry. He said he reeeeeally wanted Monopoly.” –Elizabeth   She said this after he tore off the wrapping paper and gasped with joy. I mouthed, “You owe me.” We both totally knew that I was the one who was going to be playing it with him. And by playing it with him, […]

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My Wife Just Said… #244

Posted by on December 21st, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Just saw the new Star Wars. I cried. But that’s not a spoiler because it happened on the opening credits.” -Avara   Pressure can be a unpredictable thing. You can get so hyped up, and anxious that things take on new levels of meaning. Star Wars: The Force Awakens (yes, yet another post about the damn […]

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My Wife Just Said… #243

Posted by on December 14th, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

My Wife: “Tell Han Solo I love him.” Me: “I know.” My Wife: “I hate you.” Me: “I know.”   You might not believe this. WE can’t fully believe it! My partner in crime, Charlie, and I are going to the RED CARPET WORLD PREMIERE OF Star Wars: The Force Awakens!!! AT around 5pm PST! […]

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My Wife Just Said… #242

Posted by on December 7th, 2015, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Finn wasn’t impressed it was 42 minutes past his bedtime, so I told him it was 2,520 SECONDS past his bedtime. That shut him up. #mamatricks” -Avara   It’s all about perspective. Whether you’re talking to a parent or child, perspective gives us the difference between mountains and mole hills. Sometimes, you have to force a […]

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