How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

“MY WIFE JUST SAID…”

You just can’t invent the stuff that comes out of a woman’s mouth once she’s “passed a watermelon through the pinhole,” ceased sleeping and is married to you. Or one of us.

My Wife Just Said… #284

Posted by on September 26th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

When your kids get sick, time bends. It could stop or it could slow, but sick kids interrupt every carefully planned activity and routine you put together. After a while you do whatever it takes to get them better. That can mean your health/sleep/life take a hit. Sometimes we become a petri dish in my […]

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My Wife Just Said… #283

Posted by on September 19th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

No one wants to be that nutty parent with fevered spittle flying off their lips as they scream unheard tips and cheers from the sidelines to their kid. But that doesn’t seem to stop them. It’s hard not to get swept up in the game when your kid is playing, to be so invested that […]

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My Wife Just Said… #282

Posted by on September 12th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

First off, my wife is full of shit. Downhill, my ass. But it got me thinking about all the things that I took for granted when I was younger, and the ways I can/can’t act now that I’m getting grays and the lines in my face resemble war trenches. Do I look naive anymore? Can […]

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My Wife Just Said Sorry… #281

Posted by on September 5th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

Marriage is an emotional extreme sport by itself. Add kids into the obstacle course and tensions can run hot. Occasional blowups aren’t a shocker when a stress-abundant and sleep-deficient couple start talking about a touchy topic. Humor has always been the best flame-retardant for us. A sudden ridiculous face with a terrible foreign accent or […]

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My Wife Just Said… #280

Posted by on August 31st, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

So, we haven’t tried these yet but I can hear it calling my name from the freezer every so often. Like a sweet siren call luring me to the rocky, sugary depths of summertime fun. What’s funny is my wife doesn’t even drink much, if ever. Alcohol makes her tired and cranky. But she purchased […]

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My Wife Just Sniffed… #279

Posted by on August 22nd, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

I’m not sure if all the organic food my family buys seems to go bad faster than non-organic because it actually does or because of the demonic laughter I can hear taunting me from the empty void in my bank account. Whatever the case may be, my wife is a little bit very extremely cautious […]

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My Wife Just Said… #278

Posted by on August 15th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

Summer vacation has wrapped up for most of us, or it’s probably on its way out. We tried to plan a couple of summer experiences, getting away from our home, and this feeling was never more obvious than in the first few days of traveling. To her credit, my wife is a great planner and […]

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My Wife Just Wished… #277

Posted by on August 8th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

Once they have kids, most kid-bearers are acquainted with the resultant hair thinning and slower growth, whether it’s from hormone changes for the mom, male pattern thinning for dad, or frustratedly pulling it out in clumps for both. Men may generally experience more hairlessness than women, but there’s a cruel sort of fake-out double-cross that […]

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My Wife Just Said… #276

Posted by on August 1st, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

Sometimes my Irish heritage makes me a perfect target for teasing. For example, if I were to wear all white out to public places, there’s a very good chance people would arrest me for public nudity. When I got out in the sun, people ask if I’m a vampire with chicken pox. We went to […]

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My Wife Just Used The Mommy Voice… #275

Posted by on July 25th, 2016, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

He’d been repeatedly yanking the dog’s tail when they were playing and that can go wrong fast, in a few ways, so we were getting a little fed up with him doing it. She definitely used her “Mommy Voice” on him and he cried mostly out of guilt that he’d done it again and because… […]

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