How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

“MY WIFE JUST SAID…”

You just can’t invent the stuff that comes out of a woman’s mouth once she’s “passed a watermelon through the pinhole,” ceased sleeping and is married to you. Or one of us.

My Wife Just Texted… #156

Posted by on April 14th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

My wife and I meet in the middle on many things. Sometimes, it’s compromise. But most often we have the exact same thought about situations, people and decision-making. It’s a good thing we’re both geeks because neither of us would be a catch outside of our own geeky world. And by that I mean me. […]

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My Wife Just Said… #155

Posted by on April 7th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Um. Can I go out in this?” -Elizabeth   There she stood at the front door, posing for me to see. She was wearing colorful, patterned leggings, rain boots, a baggy sweater and a mismatched purse. I frowned as I looked her over and then smiled and said, “Sure!” The fact that I was wearing […]

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My Wife Just Said… #154

Posted by on March 31st, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Is there a class called ‘How to burp a sleeping baby without waking them up’?… cause sign me up!” -Avara   The riddles of parenting are many and dumb. Parenting is such a beautiful and bothersome thing. It can take everything you’ve got, and then it asks for more. Sure, there are lots of rewards and […]

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My Wife Just Said… #153

Posted by on March 24th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

[Explaining to our littlest son how trees eat] “Well… The roots are like the mouth of the tree… And I guess the leaves are like… the butthole?”” -Elizabeth   Maybe my wife isn’t the most knowledgeable gardener, but she’s my absolute favorite gardener.   – Previous “My Wife Just Said…” When your kid is asleep […]

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My Wife Just Texted… #152

Posted by on March 17th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

My son comes from a long line of sub-par sleepers. Growing up, I had every sort of parasomnia you could imagine: sleepwalking, sleep-talking, night sweats, night terrors — the whole deal. I once peed in someone’s sink thinking it was a toilet. And it wasn’t college. I was 8-years-old. Hopefully, Finn won’t have the same […]

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My Wife Just Texted… #151

Posted by on March 10th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

So it wasn’t my wife who texted me, but I’ll be honest, I actually stared at this for a solid clueless minute before I replied. I guess I was trying to wring some kind of sense out it, like it was some kind of ancient Egyptian scroll of hieroglyphs my wife had written in emojis. […]

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My Wife Just Said… #150

Posted by on March 3rd, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“You know your life has changed when the most stressful thing of your day is clipping your baby’s fingernails. #idratherdefuseabomb” -Avara   It’s so surreal. The changes that happen when you become responsible for a child are many and massive. Every day there’s a new obstacle, a new crisis, a new learning curve for dealing with […]

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My Wife Just Said… #149

Posted by on February 24th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Your snoring last night kept me up for hours. You sounded like a hyena choking on its own snot. Yes you were! I recorded it…” [ Presses play on her phone ] -Elizabeth   I watched her nighttime video intently, more importantly I listened to it. Um. So yeah. We’re lucky a neighbor didn’t call […]

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My Wife Just Said… #148

Posted by on February 16th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Turns out my 187th attempt to capture a cute “brothers” photo to send to @howtobeadad this morning is actually my favorite.” -Avara   Photographing children is pretty much the best, right? Yeah. It’s as easy as photographing Bigfoot playing with a hulu hoop made of angry badgers. It’s truly amazing how much effort it takes to […]

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My Wife Just Texted… #147

Posted by on February 10th, 2014, under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

Sometimes emoticons fail to convey the right message at first; even the more graphical, fancy-schmancy emojis can get lost in trans-emoticons-lation. When it comes down to it though, some fails are so hilarious they’re wins. I can’t judge, though. I’ve never hearted the internet age-old convention of <3 because it always looked like a sideways […]

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