How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad


Is there a word for the opposite of “educational”? That’s what these are. These diagrams illustrate why caffeine and insomnia don’t mix well.

What Text Replies REALLY Mean

Posted by on November 14th, 2013, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Everyone’s texting or messaging everyone these days. Parents message their kids downstairs to dinner. Teachers will text a student to put away their phone. Pretty soon we’ll figure out a way to text our pets. A big problem is that, faceless and voiceless, text messages don’t do a stellar job of conveying emotion. People have […]

Comments: 20

Boob Visibility Comparison Chart (Models vs Mothers)

Posted by on November 6th, 2013, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Mothers. They hide in bathroom stalls, fashion elaborate blankie wigwams or take cover behind mall ferns and alley dumpsters to protect us from the horror of the breastfeeding process. And by “us” I mean the few deranged and perverted assholes whose stomachs and backs have turned on a process that is commonly known as fucking […]

Comments: 94

Ninja Parent Lessons: The Foot Python

Posted by on October 29th, 2013, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Suiting up your little one is a tough challenge, even for ninjas. Especially socks. Those legs are tiny, but they’re fast and don’t like to stay still for lengths of time greater than it takes to blink. This cannot be avoided, so you must be clever and fast. As the ancient proverb says: the wise […]

Comments: 0

The History of Wiping (Illustrated, but not FULLY)

Posted by on October 16th, 2013, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Disclosure: This post is brought to you by the masters of personal cleansing comfort, Cottonelle. To see how Cottonelle Toilet Paper and Cottonelle Flushable Cleansing Cloths can practically change the destiny of your bum, click here.   By the time we begin to have kids, we’ve been pretty thoroughly acquainted with the act of “tidying […]

Comments: 48

Tech Tip Timeout: Computer Laaaaaagggggg

Posted by on October 1st, 2013, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

You may be wondering why I’m bestowing this tidbit of purely technical wisdom upon the visitors of our parenting entertainment website. Sure, it’s useless and silly, so that fits, but what about the parenting angle? Welp, what doesn’t technology have to do with parenting in this chromed-out, touch-screened world? It’s scary, but it has nearly […]

Comments: 9


Posted by on September 18th, 2013, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

It’s one of the best kid’s games ever, jumping from furniture to furniture to avoid touching the ground, because it is lava. It turns out it’s also one of the best excuses ever. Come brush my teeth? Hah! Yeah right. The floor is lava! Time to do my chores? LAVA! You see, most parents don’t […]

Comments: 9

Baby Size Compared to Junk Food (A More Honest Chart)

Posted by on September 3rd, 2013, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

From the moment the pee on a pregnancy stick says yes, the gleam in his eye met the speck in her tummy, we start the process of wondering how big the little one actually is in there. Through all the weeks, months and trimesters. So, we find fetal size references that make a woman’s belly […]

Comments: 35

What if mice actually looked like Mickey Mouse?

Posted by on August 14th, 2013, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Think about it. What if animal cartoon characters were accurate representations, meaning that animals actually looked like their famous cartoon characters? I’ve started with what is arguably the most globally recognized character. A mouse. With the help of Photoshop, way too many stolen hours of sleep, and my warped mind, we can all take a […]

Comments: 25

The Fart Chart

Posted by on August 5th, 2013, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Everyone poops. Fact. But before they do, they fart. Anyways, like them or not, they’re here to stay. Well… hopefully not too long actually. You see, holding in your gas can be vital in some circumstances: first dates, once in a lifetime elevator pitches, second dates, epic sports moments, third dates, acceptance speeches, etc., but […]

Comments: 17

Furniture Assembly Can Sük

Posted by on July 26th, 2013, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Sometimes the stuff you’ve got to put together does look like it’s going to need to violate the laws of physics for it to ever actually come together. I’ve been putting stuff together since I was a kid, or taking it apart, and even I’ve been daunted by some of the “destructions” I’ve occasionally had […]

Comments: 21