How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Is there a word for the opposite of “educational”? That’s what these are. These diagrams illustrate why caffeine and insomnia don’t mix well.

Going to the Bathroom Like a Ninja

Posted by on June 10th, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Going to the bathroom with a youngling is never the wisest decision, but the functions of your body and the circumstances of life are just as much never concerned with things like wisdom or decision. Especially after you drink several pots of tea or coffee. So, the cruel fates of parenthood may place you in […]

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Palm Reading Chart for Parents

Posted by on May 27th, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Since there’s no one-size-fits-all science on raising children, a lot of guesswork gets employed. And if you take anything without definitive and consistent truths and add a crap ton of worry, doubt and failure, you can wind up with a heightened appetite for superstition and mystical wisdom. A person can get so uneasy about their […]

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An Honest Modern-Day Kids’ Fashion Paper Doll

Posted by on May 21st, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS, SNAPSHOTS

Paper dolls have been around since forever, or the mid-18th century (close enough to forever). Little printed playthings you could cut out and dress up in coordinated outfits, luxurious new fashions, with PAIRS of the same socks and shoes, etc. Pure fantasy. It’s not that anyone who grows up really tires of fantasy and escape. […]

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The Spitty Thumb

Posted by on May 1st, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Birds do courtship dances without a single lesson. A spider knows how to spin a web without ever having seen one. In much the same way (except not as nasty as spiders), I believe the Spitty Thumb is an action pattern that’s genetically coded into parents. It has its stimulus. Kids. They’re absolute schmutz and […]

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PARENT OPERATION (The Game)

Posted by on April 23rd, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS, SNAPSHOTS

Playing this game could seriously teach parents some vital skills in raising their kids. First and foremost: PATIENCE. Followed by the close 2nd: the ability to tolerate sudden startling noises. There’s probably a whole grab bag of other useful parenting traits to be gained or honed in playing this updated version of the classic kids’ […]

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LOLs: An Illustrated Guide

Posted by on April 15th, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Some of the poor misguided kids these days use acronyms so much it extends to regular speech. I’ve heard kids say “el oh el” or “lol” in response to a joke rather than laugh. Creepy. Even if that kind of makes your skin crawl, a lot of us use the common laugh acronyms online and […]

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An Alphabet According to Kids

Posted by on March 20th, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Books and learning products for toddlers and kids can easily give one the idea that our children are being groomed for a future in farming or a jungle expedition. Some of the things chosen to represent the alphabet can be a little random and a lot a bit irrelevant. If you were learning a new […]

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Types of Parent Heart Conditions

Posted by on March 6th, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

  SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING Becoming a parent or experiencing prolonged exposure to babies and children may cause a variety of pleasurable and undesirable heart episodes.   Kids don’t make you feel anything you haven’t felt before. Delude yourself all you want, but they just don’t. However, they can act like emotional lenses, sharpening and intensifying […]

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An Honest Guide to Repacking a Product

Posted by on February 4th, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Faulty products, misguided impulse buys, kid rejection, whatever; sometimes life gives you lemons. But you paid hard-earned money for those damn lemons, so you’re not just gonna sit there with a puckered-up face and bear it. You need to make a return. Sadly, before you can make an exchange or a return, you can’t just […]

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Laundry, A Parent Service Announcement

Posted by on January 23rd, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Maybe laundry can be loads of fun! (Yeah, even I want to punch myself in the face for that pun). Seriously though (not really seriously though), if you think of it as a game, a really simple game, that’s always the same, and seems to take forever, with no really great reward or achievement… okay […]

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