How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad


Is there a word for the opposite of “educational”? That’s what these are. These diagrams illustrate why caffeine and insomnia don’t mix well.

Ninja Parent Lessons: The Scissor Kiss

Posted by on April 4th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Ninjas have long known that the skill of being able to kill someone with one arm tied behind their back was a worthy achievement. For parents, this level of skill can become useful in the task of keeping someone ALIVE with an arm tied behind your back. Most people don’t realize that the ancient art […]

Comments: 36

Baby Fingernails & Other Deadly Edged Weapons

Posted by on March 28th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

[ click the image to enlarge ] Baby fingernails are so sharp they make razor blades seem like warm gummy bears in comparison. If you’ve got kids, you’ve probably experienced the sudden sizzling pain of your baby’s nails accidentally giving you inexpert plastic surgery. You’ve probably heard this phrase before, “Ooooo. What happened to your […]

Comments: 107

Bad Product Idea #8: Kid Freshener

Posted by on March 21st, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Babies smell like fairies and edible flowers. Show me the person who figures out how to bottle the magical spell of baby-scent and I’ll show you someone who will soon be rich enough to buy an island, just to store fan mail. It’s like your nose died and went to heaven. Unfortunately, just like a […]

Comments: 37

Baby Sleep Positions: “The Pillow Fort”

Posted by on March 15th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Early along in the amazing magical spell I like to call my marriage to Lizzie, I walked into our bedroom and my eyes went very wide, like O_O type of wide, to take in all the horror at once, as if ripping a band-aid off my mind. So it might hurt less. My lovely wife […]

Comments: 22

Ninja Parent Lessons: The Ankle Claw

Posted by on March 8th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

“Huh?” you say? Yes, that is indeed a wise question. I will explain. If you wished to become good at something—great at something—like parenting, wouldn’t you want to know what a ninja had to say about it? They weren’t just born ninjas! They became masters of disciplined study and training long before they even got […]

Comments: 37

Bad Product Idea #7: Baby Hjölster

Posted by on February 29th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

[ click the image to enlarge ] If this was a real product, it wouldn’t just be for the recently-parented couple with a wagon-wheel coffee table and more pairs of boots than shoes (though it’d be mandatory for those). The Baby Hjölster infant holster carrier would be perfect for anyone who was a little bit […]

Comments: 77

Guy Sign Language

Posted by on February 22nd, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Why didn’t I call this one Dad Sign Language? Since it’s so obviously a necessary skill for a man who has sleeping kids in his life: to say things silently. The thing is, I realized that this applies to men long before they procreate. Understanding this specialized communication method* should be useful to women. Trying […]

Comments: 40

Safety from Children: Baseball Bat Warning

Posted by on February 16th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Attention: Adults trying out new things tend to suck pretty badly at them at first. Kids are the same in this respect, only smaller and more energetic. It’s this smallness though, that happens to create a dramatic increase in Peril for nearby adults. You see, for a child, when something goes wrong while learning or […]

Comments: 17

Skid Marks: When to Wash ‘Em, When to Toss ‘Em

Posted by on February 8th, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

…it happens. It’s a fact of life. I wish we could say this chart was only for parents doing mountains of their kid’s or teen’s laundry, but we have to admit it… this chart is for everyone. Younger and older, male and female. It’s true. …it happens. And not just to little kids’ tighty-whities after […]

Comments: 108

Baby Sleep Positions: “The Roundhouse Kick”

Posted by on February 1st, 2012, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

  The nighttime abuse we take as parents is a testament to how much we love heading to bed with the baby on board. Co-sleeping is special or at least necessary for some, but a lot of people don’t know that it can also occasionally be a good way to get a bloody nose or […]

Comments: 66