How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Is there a word for the opposite of “educational”? That’s what these are. These diagrams illustrate why caffeine and insomnia don’t mix well.

Baby Sleep Positions: “The Deflector Shield”

Posted by on January 22nd, 2015, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

A shield is up! RED ALERT! Evasive maneuvers! All hand to battle stations! (Sorry for that.) You see, once a mother ship does fire a new little cosmonaut out of her launch bay, I’m afraid a deflector shield is now quite operational. And will be for a what can seem like lightyears. In space, no […]

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Ninja Parent Lessons: The Drunken Cobra

Posted by on January 14th, 2015, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

A baby can be like a drunken cobra, that is they would be, if snakes had a habit of irresponsibly drinking way too much sake and then going on a rampage. A baby’s finger and toe nails are sharper than samurai swords, and their coordination and aim? Worse than a government’s. Wobbly and unpredictable, an […]

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“Let It Go” with Phonetically Accurate Lyrics

Posted by on January 2nd, 2015, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS, SNAPSHOTS

Anyone who can read sheet music probably doesn’t need a guide to properly sing Let It Go from Frozen, but since the majority of us can’t sing our way out of a box… that’s open, and on fire… these simple, phonetically accurate lyrics and tips for screaming along may help you or your kid in […]

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JINGLEBOOK – The Social Network for Christmas

Posted by on December 23rd, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS, SNAPSHOTS

Christmas and Facebook are each forces to be reckoned with, but added together? That’s something you shouldn’t reckon with a ten foot pole probably.* * the North Pole is not ten feet long and also does not actually physically exist. It’s an abstract concept given to a general geographical location.   But seriously (except not […]

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Nostrilizers: Bad Product Idea #17

Posted by on December 11th, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

  The world has nose plugs, ear plugs and sleep blindfolds for keeping the senses at bay. These are all so negative, though. What of the joys of life? We’ve got binoculars for our eyes, headphones for our ears and seasoning for our tongues, but what of the delights of the nose? Imagine if you […]

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Baby Sleep Positions: “The Biohazard”

Posted by on December 3rd, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

  People with a little baby are never “awake” or “asleep” in the black-and-white senses of the words. Parents exist in the gray area between. The varying degrees of “trying to sleep” and “fighting to stay awake.” You’re always on call. Waiting. Ready to respond. It’s very late. You’re asleep, or wrestling the ninja crocodile […]

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Thanksgiving Pie Chart

Posted by on November 27th, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS, SNAPSHOTS

If Thanksgiving only lasts a day for you, you didn’t make enough food and you are a monster. With refrigeration and proper storage, it really should be Thanksgiving Week. Maybe it’s not pie you go bonkers for, it could just as well be a completely bone-littered turkey platter, or a clean-scraped bowl of marshmallow yams, […]

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Grand Theft LEGO – Bad Product Idea #16

Posted by on November 13th, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS, SNAPSHOTS

Two fanatically popular video game series join forces to create, the crossover video game of the century, Grand Theft LEGO… “Derivative but so inspired…”— someone who probably needs a good dictionary   Race through the mean streets of Downtown LEGO City with your friends or just slap C4 on their backs, send them off and […]

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Toilet Safety: Advanced Adult Toilet Training

Posted by on October 22nd, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

  After a person learns how to go by themselves, it’s like they’ve suddenly graduated and they’re left to figure out the rest on their own. But, besides kids learning to not have “accidents,” there’s way more to know about and avoid in the gentle art of going to the bathroom. Delta Faucet teamed up […]

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Baby Sleep Positions: “The Junkyard”

Posted by on October 10th, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

From the beginning of parenting, sleep becomes a bit of a half-remembered dream, one that you daydream about while staring vacantly at a wall as you overfill a coffee cup. Everyone with mini humans knows this, but there’s also a point in the condition known as parenthood when the toy infestation begins. At first it’s […]

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