How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Is there a word for the opposite of “educational”? That’s what these are. These diagrams illustrate why caffeine and insomnia don’t mix well.

Ninja Parent Lessons: The Fists of the Octopus

Posted by on July 13th, 2016, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Most people don’t realize, just by being parents, how many steps they’ve already travelled on the path of the ninja. There are so many trials and tasks and skills necessary to becoming a true master that are simply common, everyday demands of being a mother or father. Above is but a glimpse of one part […]

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6AM TODDLER Energy Beverage (Bad Product Idea #20)

Posted by on June 21st, 2016, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS, SNAPSHOTS

​ ​One might think this was actually a good product idea. Maybe the best energy drink ever conceived, but no. So shower-cry sadly it is not. This energy drink wouldn’t turbocharge you with raw pulse-pounding power when you wanted it. 110% nope. Every kid-owner already knows. No matter what time of day or night, it’d […]

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An HONEST Kid-Prepared Father’s Day Menu

Posted by on June 13th, 2016, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Ah, Father’s Day breakfast! For families that celebrate the day with a special breakfast, it usually starts with Mom whipping up some food favorites for the dad of honor and presenting them herself, with the child enthusiastically waving a card or a school project made of 50% construction paper and 50% paste. Maybe in the […]

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The Frequency of Saying “Poop” (Graphed)

Posted by on April 26th, 2016, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

  We all know what our top words and phrases are, the ones that would make us filthy stinking rich “if I had a dollar for every time I’ve said… ” You’ll find your vacubalury and speech change direction dramatically once you become the proud owner of your very own, brand new little human. After […]

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5 Frustrating Kid’s Bed Allergies

Posted by on April 22nd, 2016, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

This post is sponsored by Tempur Sealy, but all the crazy talk here is mine, to spread the word about Cocoon by Sealy’s unique frustration-reducing mattress solution.   Sure, these may not be “real” allergies, classified by “real” doctors. But, MAN, kids sure do make it seem like they are. Kids actually are great with […]

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If Kids Had Legal Documents (5 Joke Templates)

Posted by on April 6th, 2016, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS, SNAPSHOTS

The days of hocking a loogie into a palm to “shake on it” are long gone. In our complex world, kids need to lawyer-up big time. To put it very mildly, kids are little word-breaking, lying sacks of… youth. I’ve created these document templates for children (and childish adults) so they can conduct their childhood […]

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Horror Movies for Toddlers (Bad Product Idea #19)

Posted by on March 25th, 2016, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS, SNAPSHOTS

Just think about it. Kids films box-office spectacularly, for the young and old alike. And horror films also sell like hot cakes dripping with strawberry blood. Hmmmmm… Hollywood is clearly missing a huge opportunity here: horror movies for toddlers! Opening up an even younger youth demographic, and, since they can’t walk, this would include their […]

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Kid Vomit Target Probability Chart

Posted by on March 8th, 2016, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Kids seem to have a kind of horrible instinct mixed with a curse of bad luck. A kind of Murphy’s Law born into them. Mysteriously, critters of the wild are pre-programmed with certain knowledge and skills. A male dog lifts its leg to pee without ever seeing his dad do it. A weaver bird crafts […]

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9 Things New Parents Aren’t Quite Prepared For

Posted by on March 3rd, 2016, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

All first-time parents try to study “what to expect” and prepare for the arrival of their first-ever munchkin. But even the most forward-thinking parents are bound to have some unexpected experiences, and even some unanticipated reactions to things they totally knew were coming. They’ve readied themselves and the home for the big day as best […]

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A Guide to the Outrageous Obstacles of Feeding Young Kids

Posted by on November 17th, 2015, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Annie’s Homegrown partnered with us to bring this Instructional Diagram to life. So we could just all stare in confused fascination at some of the challenges in the mind-bending obstacle course parents face in getting food in their kids’ faces.   You don’t need to train your kids to breathe. So you’d kind of think, […]

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