How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Is there a word for the opposite of “educational”? That’s what these are. These diagrams illustrate why caffeine and insomnia don’t mix well.

A Guide to Kid Fibs (Illustrated)

Posted by on July 22nd, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

The rad people at The Honest Company helped us bring you this post because DUH, honesty is the best policy.   Kids are little lying sacks of giggles. It doesn’t mean they’re evil or you’ve raised them wrong — they seem to learn it automatically, like breathing, apparently. There are all kinds of reasons kids […]

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Play Games… WITH PIZZA!

Posted by on July 18th, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

  The DiGeniuses at DiGiorno® helped us bring you this post, but the ideas are purely the symptoms of my own hunger and insanity and are intended for entertainment purposes only. Please operate pizza responsibly!   It’s generally agreed that kids shouldn’t play with their food. This probably comes from the fact that kids’ hands […]

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Alternative Diets for Parents

Posted by on July 3rd, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

The biggest problem with food is that it’s delicious and available. So, wouldn’t the overarching concept behind an effective diet be to reduce the amount of food available or to suppress the desire for it, or simply remove its deliciousness? Maybe not, but whatever, right?! If you choose the Kid-Made Diet, you’ll have no problem […]

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Kitten vs. Baby

Posted by on June 24th, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

[ click the image to enlarge ]   Ahhhhhh, babies and kitties. Not only are they more alike than anyone might have previously thought (or not even cared to think about), they share another deep commonality: they’re everywhere! Well, on the interwebs, at least and for sure. Did you know that it’s now been scientific-ish-ly […]

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Going to the Bathroom Like a Ninja

Posted by on June 10th, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Going to the bathroom with a youngling is never the wisest decision, but the functions of your body and the circumstances of life are just as much never concerned with things like wisdom or decision. Especially after you drink several pots of tea or coffee. So, the cruel fates of parenthood may place you in […]

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Palm Reading Chart for Parents

Posted by on May 27th, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Since there’s no one-size-fits-all science on raising children, a lot of guesswork gets employed. And if you take anything without definitive and consistent truths and add a crap ton of worry, doubt and failure, you can wind up with a heightened appetite for superstition and mystical wisdom. A person can get so uneasy about their […]

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An Honest Modern-Day Kids’ Fashion Paper Doll

Posted by on May 21st, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS, SNAPSHOTS

Paper dolls have been around since forever, or the mid-18th century (close enough to forever). Little printed playthings you could cut out and dress up in coordinated outfits, luxurious new fashions, with PAIRS of the same socks and shoes, etc. Pure fantasy. It’s not that anyone who grows up really tires of fantasy and escape. […]

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The Spitty Thumb

Posted by on May 1st, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Birds do courtship dances without a single lesson. A spider knows how to spin a web without ever having seen one. In much the same way (except not as nasty as spiders), I believe the Spitty Thumb is an action pattern that’s genetically coded into parents. It has its stimulus. Kids. They’re absolute schmutz and […]

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PARENT OPERATION (The Game)

Posted by on April 23rd, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS, SNAPSHOTS

Playing this game could seriously teach parents some vital skills in raising their kids. First and foremost: PATIENCE. Followed by the close 2nd: the ability to tolerate sudden startling noises. There’s probably a whole grab bag of other useful parenting traits to be gained or honed in playing this updated version of the classic kids’ […]

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LOLs: An Illustrated Guide

Posted by on April 15th, 2014, under INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Some of the poor misguided kids these days use acronyms so much it extends to regular speech. I’ve heard kids say “el oh el” or “lol” in response to a joke rather than laugh. Creepy. Even if that kind of makes your skin crawl, a lot of us use the common laugh acronyms online and […]

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