EXTERNAL USE ONLY
Ever stumble on something noteworthy online? Neither do we, but this is all of that stuff. Stuff we didn’t author ourselves.
The Onion: Brain-Dead Teens
I saw some teenagers tonight while I was getting some butt cream for my toddler son. It reminded me what an idiot I could be and how obnoxious I must have been at that age. Not sure why I employed the past tense there, but I digress.
I am both excited and terrified of what my son will be like as a teenager. He’s such an impressive personality sometimes. But will he end up following in my pimply, gawky oversized shoes? I was total eye broccoli. Forget the candy.
Or will he be a rebellious, back-talking freight train of hormones like most of the teens I see? Unable to render emotions let alone manners towards the people in his life.
I’m hoping he will be an upstanding citizen of the world who loves art and athletic activities equally. Someone who fights for the underdog and leads his peers with compassion and dignity. A gentleman.
Bwahahahahahahaha… Is there a chance in hell? Maybe.
If you could give one piece of advice on raising a teenager, what would it be? Post it in the comments below, would ya?
Alleviate my fears with some digital wisdom.
Your Heart Will Throw up in Your Brain
Sometimes things are captured on video that make your heart throw up inside your brain. It makes you wonder how humanity has survived as long as it has.
We posted this to our Facebook Page the other day, thinking people would be screaming, “what horrible parents that kid must have.” And then the comments took some interesting turns.
We know people lose track of their kids. We know there isn’t such a thing as perfect parenting. But allowing your kid to almost ride the escalator in the sky? Then, deep down or plain as day, we all know we’ve failed or at least rubbed elbows with the ultimate fail as parents.
This could have been any parent. Maybe they’re oblivious, absorbed in the sale section of some store or junior was lured away by a flashing light. We don’t know. But what we do know, is that some of you are the “catchers” in life, the people and parents doing good deeds because they desperately need doing. Trying. Striving. Catching.
We salute you. Whether you are catching your own kids or someone else’s. You are heroes.
Have a great weekend, heroes.
Lazy Jedi = Lazy Dad
This guy beats us even on our best mornings. Behold, the majesty of a regular dude with Jedi powers…
As the video description says, “With great power eventually comes great laziness.” So true. I am incredibly talented and hugely successful, and all I want to do is sleep right now.
I just keep imagining the ease with which I could accomplish diaper changes. That lightsaber would also come in real handy to open the “plastic” casing around toys and accessories. Have you ever tried to open the plastic around toys and baby equipment? Those suckers are made from a carbonite-like material. Someone please just get me a lightsaber. I’ll be good with it. Promise.
Happy Friday!
Enjoy,
Master Charlie of the Jedi Order
PS: To the commenter who said I put too many photos of myself in my posts… how about this one: CHARLIE
That Awkward Moment Between a Boy and a Girl…
Awkward!
There are moments where, if your life were a film being directed by John Hughes (Sixteen Candles, Weird Science, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off), you’d hear the sound effect of a needle on record player going phrrrrrrrp! and everything goes silent and all eyes turn to stare at you.
Sometimes people say things, wishing they could grab their words out of the air and jam them back in their mouth before anyone else notices them. But you can’t do it. I’ve tried! It just makes you want to burp. So, we just swallow and mutter something, anything, to put punctuation on the embarrassment so we can move forward and rebuild the smoking crater of our dignity.
It’s not that these conversational FAILs happen only with the opposite sex, it’s just that they happen especially with the opposite sex. Even all grown up, I think we all keep trying to talk to girls (or whatever your preference), or bosses or friends or whoever, and occasionally say things that make us wonder if the heat in our faces is going to set off the fire alarm, or if a person can actually fit under a rock if you tried to go away and crawl under one. That’s just a hazard of living life and talking to other people. Superman on a hot dog.
We shared this amazing video on our Facebook Page last week and I told our readers that I would throw a graphic of the punch-line together if they Liked and Shared it. Viola! Thanks, everyone!
