The COVID-19 pandemic has resulted in societal hoarding which has catapulted the value of toilet paper up to that of gold or platinum or beef jerky. So! I thought it might be advisable for us all to squat down and take a long, hard… LOOK at a timeless controversy surrounding this now treasured commodity, bum wipe.
Long ago, the website Current Configuration put together a critical but even-handed examination of the RIGHT and the WRONG way to load toilet paper.
The Scientific Analysis
Below are examples of the helpful and fruitful over-hung method on the left and the annoying and detrimental under-hung method on the right.
From the Creator
In addition to the very compelling scientific analysis above, I present you with >drum roll< the original 1891 patent for the toilet paper roll!
Now some of you may try to counter this, at the risk of combining controversies, by saying this means nothing, citing that the original creator of the .GIF file format proclaimed it was intended to be pronounced “jif” which is, of course, gust joofy.
Brace for Cat Owners!
Shields up, red alert! I saw you coming and I know you’re about to comment that cat owners have to under-hang your rump rolls because your feline will bat at it until it looks like Frosty the Snowman
Let me present some evidences:
Yes, some of you may be the exception, but it’s not a universally true rule: that under-hanging is right for cat owners. You see, if your cat is a serial tushy tissue killer, I’m afraid the only way you can properly hang a roll is in a lock box or security cage.
Stay healthy and stay over-hung, morning hungover, folks!*
*except for you owners of over-hung TP assassins
Stay Fed Through the Quarantine
If you’re experiencing devastated grocery stores like I am, with little to no meat left, you might want to check out Butcher Box. I absolutely love it and just ordered another box.