Unlike all other parenting styles, Know-It-All Parenting isn’t actually a method for raising children. It’s for educating other parents on how they’re doing it oh so WRONG.
Amazingly all that’s required for Know-It-All Parenting is the ability to speak or type. Another singularly unique advantage is that you don’t need to have a child of your own. You don’t even need any experience with any children, whatsoever!
First of All, It’s Your Duty
Through casual observation of others or passing glances at article headlines online, you’ve become an expert on raising kids.
But, knowledge ain’t gonna know itself, so clueless parents literally have no clue how bad their parenting is. You must look at your role in society as a vital public service.
What to Expect When You’re Correcting
People fear what they don’t know, so Know-It-All Parenting can cause some highly emotional reactions.
Some may try to back away from you or even run screaming. Some may break down in tears of shame from the weight of your wise words, or out of sheer thankfulness for your selfless kindness.
Be warned though, there are some who will become very angry, violent even, when you try to enlighten them. Make sure you have an escape route planned.
When you’re doing it online, people may throw around flashy buzzwords like cyber-bully, social justice warrior (SJW), or internet troll. You may get unfollowed, blocked or reported, but don’t let this discourage you. Just find new friends and websites and social media pages to continue your thankless good works.
Motivate with Perfection
People are inspired by positive examples. So, when other parents complain or seem to be having difficulties, always reassure them by saying you’ve never experienced any of those issues and make it very clear that your child is a model of excellence. This will give them hope that perfection really is possible.
What if You’re Clueless?
Easy. Bippity boppity bulldookie! Make stuff up. Even if you’re correcting them with fake facts or statistics you just conjured up, undermining their confidence will only serve to keep them on their toes and not get too cocky as parents. It’s simple math: getting them second-guessing themselves is better than just one guessing.
Sniper Know-It-All Parenting
Even when you spot a so-called parent at a distance doing something you know is wrong, you cannot be stopped. Just frown piercingly at your target. It may take a while to make eye contact, so keep firing those hate lasers! Clear your throat violently to get their attention if necessary.
Once you lock eyes with them, scrunch your face up like the grossest fart in the world just hit you. You can add loud, disgusted grunts and dramatic eyerolls as well. Froth at the mouth if you’re able.
It’s Okay if You Lose It
Trying to enlighten stubborn adults can be as frustrating as trying to tuck a fitted sheet onto a trampoline. It will be a monumental test of your patience.
If you get angry and start shouting, or throwing things, it’s okay. It will serve to show them how passionate your concern is for their mal-parenting. Remember you’re doing this for the children!
Substandard parenting is everywhere. Always be ready to correct others or at least display your vigorous disapproval. You, and other’s like you, are salvaging kids’ lives before they’ve been completely ruined.
Take a bow, you Know-It-All!