How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Bad Product Ideas: Condiments Edition


Is your kid cuckoo for ketchup? Could your kid chug ranch by the ladleful?

Well then, you’re gonna love these bold new food offerings! Or um… your kid is probably going to. You’re more likely to experience something a little less lovey and a little more gaggy as a response.


Sure, most of us know that tons of condiments have obscene amounts of sugar, so why not hit ’em with what their heart truly desires for dessert! Now they can enjoy these popular condiments as a frozen delights.


Drinkable Syrup

When your kid asks if they can have pancakes, but with no pancakes, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what they’re really hankering for: drinkable syrup! Well their prayers have been answered. Tad-dah!


Chili Sauce Drink Pouches

And for those rare kids that like to play with edible fire! How about a Sriracha-style hot chili sauce drink pouch? Instead of merely quenching their thirst, now they can kill it with fire!


Mayo by the Sleeve

On the other hand, there are those little ones who wrinkle their nose at apple juice because it’s “too spicy.” Maybe they’re of the European persuasion and love the bloody hell out of mayo. If so, perhaps they’ll enjoy noshing on slurpable sleeves of good ol’ fashioned imitation mayonnaise. Something for everyone. Yum.


Look. I’m not here to judge the freaky eating habits of some kids. I’m here to make fun of them!

When a kid only likes a few kids of meals, that’s one thing. But it’s a bit hard not to tilt your head when they love a condiment enough that they’d happily enjoy it as a meal by itself — if we left them to their own weird devices, I mean.


Leave a Reply