How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Goodnight, Butt

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Goodnight, Butt

It’s easy to get laughs making jokes about how horrific kids can be about going to bed, and it can be throbbing-forehead-vein frustrating when it’s so late you know with dread that they’re just going to rise like cranky zombies at their usual butt crack of dawn.

But there are also those really sweet moments. A dad recently sent me such a moment he thought I’d enjoy. It brought back a bunch of memories of those delightful bedtime conversations with my own kids that were so worth the delay.

So, here’s the story of Tim putting his 5-year-old son, Shane, to bed.

Dad: OK, Shane. Lights out. I love you. It’s sleeptime…

Son: Can we talk about butts first?

Dad: I think it’s technically a little too late for that. Maybe tomorrow.

Son: Please.

Dad: What did you have in mind?

Son: Let’s just talk about butts.

Dad: I think, for today at least, I’ve said everything I have to say about butts. How about you start?

Son: Okay. I love butts.

Dad: Okay, maybe you’ll be lucky enough to dream about them. How about you give that a try right now?

Son: Say something about butts first.

Dad: Okay. You know what’s interesting? Most, if not all animals, have some sort of a butt. Ostriches and mice – pretty different, yet… they both have butts, which is pretty cool.

Son: Yeah – that’s cool.

Dad: Yup. I hope you dream about mice butts tonight. I love you more than anything in this world.

Son: How about a knock-knock about butts? I know one! Knock-knock.

Dad: Who’s there?

Son: Chicken.

Dad: Chicken who?

Son: Chicken butt!

Dad: That’s a great one. A classic. It’s sleep time! I hope you dream about chicken butts surprising you at the front door.

Son: One more thing about butts.

Dad: What?

Son: I wish I had a class at school called “It’s time to fart!”

Dad: I think that’s pretty reasonable. I’ll talk to the principal tomorrow.

Son: Okay, thanks.

Dad: I might not, though. Okay, good night. I hope you dream about a class at school about butts and farts. I hope it’s smelly, too. Okay?

Son: Can you smell in dreams?

Dad: I definitely can. How about you go see if you can? Good night.

Son: Good night.

Sometimes it takes a while to get your kid to sleep. And sometimes that while is totally worth it. Sometimes it’s the stuff of which pure joy is made.

Thanks again to Tim for sharing, and to everyone else… Goodnight, butt.


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