There are two types of parents on New Year’s. Those that stay home for the evening, and then there are the lunatics. Okay, maybe the couples who go out aren’t lunatics exactly, and sure, there are more types than that, but we can probably agree that it takes an Indiana-Jones-level adventurous couple to head out on NYE.
Let’s have a look at each:
You’ll either need to trick, I mean uh, convince someone without kids to sacrifice their potential party time to come babysit, bribing them with something like a car downpayment, or you can try for a sleepover and dump them on the grandparents or a couple of parents who are sanely staying in.
(source: Disney / Lucasfilm Ltd.)
The dressy clothes you own may have miraculously “shrunk” just a bit while your kid was growing up and you were you were growing out. If you didn’t discover this earlier enough, you’ll have the fun of rushing out to rifle through Christmas and New Year’s sale-ravaged racks. Fun!
(source: Paramount Pictures)
Most parents will spend 50% of the time trying to remember how to party (or at least perform even the most basic human interactions with other adults in a social setting), the other 50% of the time they will be texting whoever has the kids.
(source: USA Network)
Partying Hard, or Hardly Partying?
However old your kid is, is basically also the length of time it’s been since you slept well. So, way before the midnight hour, you may be feeling the unbearable strain of wakefulness. If you’re on the West Coast, you can always cheat a 9:00pm ball drop and call it quits. If you’re on the East Coast, you can just plain ol’ call it quits.
Auld Lang Syne!
You made it! You can barely believe it yourself! Now that you’ve kissed and toasted in the New Year, you get to begin estimating how mind-numbingly tired you’re going to feel tomorrow. Especially if you weren’t able to dupe someone into a sleepover and you’re now staring down the barrel of a 6am wakeup.
(source: Warner Bros.)
The Morning After(math)
When you were younger you could stay up late and party like it was 1999, but now you probably just feel like you’re 1,999 years old. Unfortunately, kids don’t have a snooze button.
(source: Columbia Pictures)
Hey! Maybe Dad wanted to up his game and bought a tuxedo t-shirt, while Mom might have treated herself to a new set of pajamas or just picked some without any holes in them. Fancy!
Kids can smell holidays like sharks smell blood in the water from miles away, and it puts them into a similar frenzy. So, whatever time bedtime is, the process is probably going to take up a good chunk of New Year’s Eve.
Waiting for Ball to Drop
You settle in for the wait, loaded with your favorite snacks and possibly an adult beverage that cost 5000% less than it would if you’d gone out.
(source: Fox 2000 Pictures)
Netflix and Snooze
You can try to fight to stay awake, binge watching something, but don’t forget to DVR that ball drop in case you conk out on the conch and wake up to Netflix asking if you’re still watching.
Nighty New Year’s Night
Now that you’re done with the festivities, since you’re already dressed for the sheets, you can simply shuffle off to the comfort of your own bed and start on the resolution you make every year to try to get more sleep!
But since actions speak way louder than words, here’s a tip from me: let your kids SEE you being responsible. If you decide to enjoy adult beverages at home or when you go out, maybe don’t go to another room to work out who will be the designated put-to-bedder and waker-upper, or plan your Lyft or Uber in front of them, showing them a positive example.
Have a responsibly and ridiculously happy New Year, everyone!