How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

The Care Baes: A Childhood-Ruining Remake


Care Baes Care Bears Ruined Childhood

Modernized classics tend to be pretty awful. But like, ugly awful. There, I said it.

It might be because we’re used to them a certain way, like knowing someone with a beard and them looking like a creepy failed clone experiment after they shave. Maybe we hate a remake because we’re old and set in our ways, who knows. Maybe it’s because it’s just freaking terrible, pal! Get off my lawn!

I never watched the Care Bears. And by that I mean, I have a younger sister so I watched the Care Bears every single damn day of my young life. That said, even I can cringe at the monstrosity I’ve created above.

The biggest problem with modernizing the things of yesteryears, though, is that things are changing so freakishly fast. Planking, saying “YOLO,” dabbing, bottle flipping, fidget spinners, MAN!

Times always change sure, but let’s admit that the internet is like a wheelbarrow of meth for cultural clock. The roulette wheel of fads is spinning so fast now it’s going to achieve lift-off and become a hovering drone.

You could make the counter argument that we did it too, as kids. NO. Well, yes, but NOT like this! Not at this brain-squashing Warp factor Ludicrous Speed.

Call me an old fart, but I think It’s best to stick with timeless themes and leave well enough alone. Do we really need another saturday morning cartoon turned into a cgi-drenched seizure-hazard? With its gratuitous over-produced hip-hip cover of the original theme song?

I’m kinda sorta definitely okay with living in a world without a 3D animated version of Calvin and Hobbes dancing to Gangnam Style or some other horrific, rotting garbage, y’know.

Did I mention that I’d really appreciate it if you vacated my front yard?


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