How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

6AM TODDLER Energy Beverage (Bad Product Idea #20)



​One might think this was actually a good product idea. Maybe the best energy drink ever conceived, but no. So shower-cry sadly it is not.

This energy drink wouldn’t turbocharge you with raw pulse-pounding power when you wanted it. 110% nope.

Every kid-owner already knows. No matter what time of day or night, it’d just be awake o’clock. Face-twitchingly always. But most especially when you actually NEEDED to skydive parachuteless into the sweet coma of deep, refreshing sleep.

Side effects would probably include:

  • Running the day’s events over and over again in your head
  • Thinking about tomorrow over and over again
  • Eyes puffier than the lips of an aging reality star
  • Unsatisfying and convulsive shark-like yawns
  • A flinching hypersensitivity to the approaching pitter patter of feet
  • Gold-medal-worthy tossing and turning gymnastics
  • Eyes so bloodshot that bulls just explode at the sight of you
  • Inventing worries that WebMD hasn’t even thought of giving you
  • Incredibly public hallucinations
  • Tortured mental math of the sleep you could get away with if you fell asleep right this second
  • Sleep walking/internetting/snack preparation
  • Soul bleeding

So yeah, maybe not such a great idea for an energy drink. Where did this basically shitty idea come from? Well, I saw a tweet from the painfully and ceaselessly hilarious Simon Holland (facebook / twitter)…

I read it and I laughed that bitter, knowing, maniacal laughter that a parent makes. The one that turns every head in awkwardly silence at a coffee shop or grocery store. And then I thought, what if. And then I though, nope. Like, lots of nope.

It just wouldn’t be such a good idea.

Even Worse Product Ideas
Diaper thongs, baby dentures, holster-style baby carriers, wearable tents for breastfeeding… so many bad ideas.

More Funny Photoshoppery
Use the power of dumbness to become smarterer.


Leave a Reply