The Evolution of The Pee Pee Dance

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Funny Pie Chart of Asking a Little Kid if He Has to Go Pee

When you ask a little kid if they need to go potty, 9 out of 10 times they’ll say no. Even when their bladder is entering its fourth trimester.

You see, kids aren’t on speaking terms with the call of nature and can’t be bothered with boring bathroom breaks. It probably doesn’t help that they were very recently carefree, mobile “lemonade” dispensers in diapers, where they could conveniently release the tinkle when and where they pleased.

Once potty training begins, and for a long time after, a kid will stubbornly resist trips to the toilet as if it were some cruel and unusual punishment. It’s your job to see passed their waterfall of lies about not needing to go.

There is a key indicator an adult can use to tell if a kid needs to go. It evolves through various stages, though not always in this exact order, as the need to pee increases. It is…

The Pee Pee Dance


 

Are you okay?

“Yeah I’m fine,” they casually lie as they fidget and wiggle to some silent song.

The Evolution of the Pee Pee Dance wiggle in place
 


 

Do you need to go potty?

“No no no. I already peed lots before,” they unsuccessfully try to reassure you.

The Evolution of the Pee Pee Dance
 


 

Wait. What was that? You just shivered. Pee pee chills?

“I was just wiggling. I like to wiggle sometimes,” they casually brush it off.

The Evolution of the Pee Pee Dance pee pee chills shiver
 


 

Seriously? Are you SURE you don’t need to pee?

“Uh-uh!” they blurt, but at this point your parental Spider-sense isn’t tingling, it’s electrocuting you.

The Evolution of the Pee Pee Dance wrap arms
 


 

C’mon, let’s go to the bathroom.

“No no. See? I stopped!” they try to say smoothly.

The Evolution of the Pee Pee Dance gyrating
 


 

It really looks like you need to pee. Let’s go, just in case.

“I won’t be able to! I do NOT have to pee!” they squeak angrily.

The Evolution of the Pee Pee Dance rem dance
 


 

Let’s go to the bathroom now, before you hurt yourself.

“Nuh-nuh-nuh nope! No no nuh-nope-itty nope!” they add, almost like hip hop lyrics to their frantic freestyle moves.

The Evolution of the Pee Pee Dance hip hop
 


 

Okay, you’re starting to shake the floor. Let’s go!

“I don’t need to go! I just!… need!… to keep moving!” they shout, breathing heavy and starting to sweat.

The Evolution of the Pee Pee Dance kicks
 


 

YOU’RE COMING WITH ME NOW.

“CAN’T! TOO BUSY EXERCISING!!!” they shriek wildly, now a blur in front of you.

The Evolution of the Pee Pee Dance flapping wildly
 

One of two things will probably happen at this point: 1) it’ll already be too late and they’ll soak themselves, or 2) when you get to the toilet, they’ll be completely and mysteriously dry and won’t be able to go. You KNOW they needed to go though, so you’ll leave with the grim resolve that they’re a ticking urine bomb waiting to blow at any second.

Sigh.

Maybe kids wouldn’t put up such a fight if we hadn’t named them “restrooms” and “bathrooms.” Last time I checked, resting and baths weren’t tops on most kids’ lists of favorite things.
 
 

16 Comments

  • Monica says:

    Made my day. LOL. 🙂

    • Andy says:

      You made my day by this making your day. Even if it was days ago. 🙂

  • Tim says:

    This videos pretty much sum it. When I was working in a preschool I saw many of these. They would also wait till the last minute to say if they had to pee or not tell you at all.

  • meow point1 says:

    So how do you tell a pee pee dance from a happy dance?

    • Andy says:

      You probably know which kind of dance it was when they pee in their pants. :/ Haha!

      • meow point1 says:

        I want to know BEFORE that stage.

        • Andy says:

          We all do. Kids are mysterious beings, they can be brutally honest and completely liars.

          • meow point1 says:

            How do we know why they are dancing before they wet themselves?

  • meepdabibbitybob says:

    Sounds like an argument between Wakko and Yakko when Wakko was potty training. Yakko is the eldest.

  • Mikedewars says:

    I was that little kid. Peed my pants constantly.
    Actually I still like to hold it way too long

  • Karli says:

    LOL so right.

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