How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

The Crazy Ways Kids Rename Things (30+ Pictures)

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My son walked up to me recently and asked me where the “burger shovel” was. After I was done chuckling, I asked him what he needed a spatula for. He answered, “I need your s-spaatuulaa for my pretend restaurant.” He said the word like he was taste-testing it for an in-depth Yelp review.

Kids are perpetual inventors, even if most of their inventions are useless, unnecessary or dangerous – so when they don’t know a word (or simply dislike one), they tend to improvise.

I got him his “burger shovel” and he skipped off to invent a PB&J hot dog with pickles or something (or everything), but his word-McGyvering reminded me of some funny word improvisations from kids I’d seen online, so I thought I’d share the fun here with a load of new additions.


If you think about it, “spatula” sounds like a drool cup for vampires with an eating disorder.

Burger Shovel - Spatula


This way no one would get uppity anymore about the spelling of donut versus doughnut, right?

Sugar Bagel - Donut


What this new naming lacks in economy and accuracy it more than makes up for in emotion and dramatics.

Dolphin Murderer - Shark


It’d be kinda fun to say “don’t wear jeans so tight they give you a bread mushroom top.”

Bread mushroom - Muffin


Back in the day, you could tell a party was a rager when someone put a lightbulb helmet on their head.

Lightbulb helmet - lampshade


Got cereal juice? Okay, maybe not. But as kids say, maybe SO!

Cereal juice - milk


“Time bracelet” makes these seem cooler than the fashion accessory afterthoughts they’ve become.

Time bracelet - wristwatch


Welp. That’s one way to look at it, that I never really thought of before and never would have.

Raw toast - bread


Huh! Again, makes perfect sense, but also again, never would have thought of it.

bird leaf - feather


Draw outside the lines for fuller lips.

mouth crayons - lipstick


For a lot of people, they’re better than a dessert. And by a lot of people I mostly mean me.

meatcicles - ribs

Tape measure

Sounds kinda epic. “Bring forth the roll of inches, so that I may take measure of this thing before me.”

roll of inches - tape measure

Ice cubes

We already order drinks “on the rocks” so this isn’t really a stretch at all.

water rocks - ice cubes


This renaming really does properly express the thrillingly extreme ride it is for a little kid.

horse tornado - carousel


When in doubt, take two words you know and mangle them together to express yourself.

cat puppy - kitten


If you eats too much, they have been know to cause a food coma and spontaneous napping. ZzzzZzzzzzz…

food pillow - burrito


How do you explain passionate kissing to a kid? Hopefully, you can just let them keep calling it face hugs.

face hugs - kissing


Gosh darn it, kid words are so much more fun.

baby torches - matches


Wait! No one touch the ground! EVERYTHING IS LAVA!

lava fountain - volcano


In the olden days, would people have challenged others by smacking them in the face with finger britches?

finger pants - gloves


It’s really got truth and hilarity going for it.

booger paper - tissues


This one also has way too much truth going for it, far too often.

nail bender - hammer


It’s all in the arm ankle.

arm ankle - wrist

French fries

When the French piss off the U.S. we wouldn’t need to call them “freedom sticks.”

potato sticks - french fries



Our reader, Laura S., writes that her kid came up with a much better name for what to slap onto a boo boo.

owie stickers - bandaid


Our reader, Andrew J., tells us his kid’s perfect new way to spell Oscar Mayer.

flat hot dogs - bologna


Our reader, Claire S., tells us her kidlet’s way of describing skin when it’s chilly, without referencing dead poultry.

cold dots - bologna


Our reader, Patrick M.’s niece will make sour orange juice if life give her lemons.

sour oranges - lemons

Ichiban soup

Our reader, Daren B., tells us his kid’s cute new name for the college student’s food of choice.

curly soup - ichiban ramen soup

Cup of water

Our reader, Alkd, tells us her son’s cute use of the word bath. Even though we parents don’t want it to be, this is very accurate.

cup of water - finger bath

Double-decker bus

Our reader, JB’s kid has made these buses seem like the raddest mobile home ever.

bunk bed bus - double decker bus

Toilet paper

Our reader, Aubrey G.’s kid better understand that these “towels” don’t go in the hamper.

poop towels - toilet paper


Our reader, Ferda’s kid wins at renaming. P.S. Finger hat jelly donuts are one of my fave.

finger hats - raspberries

I’m constantly astonished at how stupidly brilliant and how brilliantly stupid kids can be. In this case, it’s an entertaining and intriguing look back into what it was like to think about things as a child, before gathering all of these thoughts we hoard as adults.

Also, how about your kids? What makeshift names have they come up with? (As you can see, I’m adding some of them to this post.) 😉


Follow us on Facebook. You can even rename it whatever you want to.

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26 Responses to “The Crazy Ways Kids Rename Things (30+ Pictures)”

  1. Andy W says:

    My son calls Blue Jeans, Jean Pants.

  2. JB says:

    We discovered when she was 5 that my daughter’s otherwise amazing vocabulary did not include the word nipple. She called them boob bobbles. And my son calls double-decker buses, common here in the UK, bunk-bed buses.

    • Andy says:

      Boob bobbles!? Bunk bed buses!?! The cuteness is almost too much! Must…stay…conscious! Haha!

      I added “bunk bed bus” (since I thought it too much to add a picture of a nipple) 😉

  3. Ferda says:

    we’ve got a few around here:
    fire squisher – fire extinguisher
    mogurt – more yogurt
    finger hats – raspberries

  4. Joshua says:

    My 4yr old calls sandwiches “swimiches”. He can actually say sandwich but chooses not to. I agree. Swimiches is more fun to say.

  5. Randi says:

    My friends daughter asked her daddy for a “planet spinner”… Aka… A globe.

  6. Kenny says:

    Definitely adding “burger shovel” to my list of go-to phrases.

  7. Steph VW says:

    My son, with maybe a little joke from his parents as the original inspiration, calls ketchup “Poopy Sauce”. It was because of the farting noises the bottle makes when you squeeze it. Guests at our home love it, especially if they are under 10. Or over 10. Who doesn’t love a good fart joke?

  8. Amanda says:

    My son calls quiche egg pie. He gets very excited when he gets egg pie for a meal now.

  9. Andy says:

    I LOVE egg pie. The renaming AND the food. #yum

  10. Carol says:

    My family calls the blue bulb syringe the booger getter because that’s what I called it when I was 3 years old watching my mom use it on my little sister. They said it was so accurate they have just never stopped calling it that and now that’s what all the kids in my family call it. 🙂

    • Shawn says:

      In my sleep deprived, new-mom state, I called it a “nose squeegee”… Name stuck. Husband would know what I meant if I called it a booger better though!

  11. Brent says:

    My 5yo calls his big toe his “thumb toe.”

  12. don says:

    When my now 11 year old daughter was 2, she called her vagina her front butt. Lol. It still makes me cringe with laughter.

  13. Karl says:

    My son has had a few fun ones over the years, more mispronunciations/misreads than renames though:

    – Pronouncing “who” like “woe.”
    – After we fixed that, he pronounced “whoppers” like “hoopers.”
    – Hospital as “hop spittle,” which is appropriate because that’s what you do when you get the bill.
    – “Justice League” as “just ick leg goo.”

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