How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

5 Reasons Your Wife Hates You

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Marriages can be tough. Heck, working together with human beings in any capacity can be rough business, but in this case you’re jumping into the foxhole with someone who splits electricity bills with you and sees your junk constantly. Or less constantly, depending on your foxhole schedules.

I’ve been with my partner in crime for almost 14 years, as of this August, and though I still make mistakes constantly I’ve learned so much about navigating our relationship. Every marriage and human connection is different, so the reasons below vary from person to person, but these are the most common complaints I hear.

So, here, brave reader, are five reasons your wife hates you… as illustrated by Japanese game shows!

1. You Are Not Doing Enough

Cleaning up after yourself? Unfinished projects all over the place? Dirty socks left out? I can neither confirm nor deny that I have done any and all of these. Chipping in, even when you haven’t got any energy left to give, MUCH LIKE I FEEL AT THIS VERY MOMENT, can be the key to getting stuff done.

Start with the fun stuff. Or the hard stuff. Or the stuff no one wants to do. Just start. The key here is activity and diligence.

2. You’re Doing Too Much

Alright, tough guy. Maybe you’re doing too much? Ever think about that. I recently read an article by a guy who realized doing ALL THE THINGS wasn’t helpful for his life, let alone his relationship.

Life is such a balancing act, but you can’t balance if you don’t have sturdy legs on the table. You are a leg. Make sense? Didn’t think so. I’m tired.

3. You Aren’t Romantic

Man, this is a tough one. Typically, people are super schmoopy in the beginning. Right? Well, life gets in the way and kids stomp all over you. It’s tough. But creating that relationship, boy, is the best. Learning about each other for the first time is a blast. Maybe there are things you don’t know? Make it an adventure and figure it out.

Or just show up in a Zorro cape with roses. She’ll either laugh at you to the point of sympathy or actually be into it. Win/win.

4. You Always ________________

Leave the toilet seat up. Hog the bed. Leave the fridge open. Forget to empty the trash. Have bad breath. THE LIST NEVER ENDS. Like a mad libs of annoying crap you can pull on your spouse, there are a thousand options to grab onto. I’m not sure there is anything you can do about it, but at least you can play the game.

5. You Aren’t Reading Her Mind

Deviant Art

What’s wrong with you? You should be so evolved and understanding that you know everything before it happens. Go watch “Minority Report” then watch “Dead Zone” and follow that up with “Serenity.” Well, that last one is on the list because it’s awesome. But seriously, you should be able to work 3-5 steps ahead. That’s the only way to stay sane in a relationship. As Lewis Carroll put it: “Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!”

These thoughts could apply to any sex, really. Let’s not discriminate here. People are nuts. And relationship are like kerosene for crazy, if you’re not careful.


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21 Responses to “5 Reasons Your Wife Hates You”

  1. Colton says:

    Okay, it has been a long time since I commented on your blog, although I read EVERY SINGLE THING. You guys are great. Especially…just kidding, you’re both great.

    I have meanwhile gotten married, lost my virginity, struggled to have children, fought, cried, laughed, etc. Life is wonderful and crazy. And I just wanted to say that this entry actually applies to me, and it made me laugh a great deal. My wife loves me, but she gets mad at me like everyone’s significant other.

    However, I really must be honest, what pushed me over the edge into commenting is that I’m absolutely flabbergasted at the gifs you were able to find for illustrations. Clearly I’ve been conducting all the wrong searches.

  2. Christine Taylor says:

    First, High Friggin Five On The Mind Reading One. I Can Stay 3-5 Steps Ahead Of Him, I Have To, So Why Can’t He Keep Up?!?

    Second, Where Can I Watch These Game Shows?

    • Hidders says:

      #2 – 謎解きバトルDERO! (Nazotoki Battle DERO!)
      #5 – 謎解きバトルTORE! (Nazotoki Battle TORE!)

      You can find episodes and scenes on various video sites, just run a search of the title.

  3. Laurie says:

    Whoa, that gif on the first one is insanely nuts! I have never seen anything like that..Actually any of them I guess! So I am not a huge fan of the word hate when it comes to my husband, BUT there are times and 99.9999999% of those times when I HATE him I have cramps and he DOESN’T, so there’s that! Love this blog!

  4. Jess says:

    Serenity….No. Freaking. Way. I’m head-over-heels for that show and wish terribly like all the other serenity obcessors out there that they would bring that back. 🙁

    Anyways….nailed it! As usual. & even though we get mad at one another we still love each other till the ends of earth. No one said love was perfect (or life for that matter).

  5. Larry says:

    Damn – can you read my wife’s mind? Seriously, these are spot on. I really do think she would like me to read her mind. Well, that is when she is annoyed about something I should have read her mind and just known. Uggh.

  6. Valarie says:

    I love that you referenced Serenity!

  7. Amanda says:

    If my husband would just do #1, things would be ten times better around here. We have four kids. I want everyone (who is developmentally capable) to just clean up after themselves. Then, I can do the other stuff (mop, scrub the toilet, etc.).

    Instead, he thinks “everyone should do everything”……which translates into “no one does anything.”

    Except mommy…..and daddy, but only when mommy has gotten so behind that it’s either he pitches in, or we learn to live with spaghetti stuck to our socks.

  8. Crystalyn says:

    I tried to read this post, but I literally spent 15 minutes staring at that first gif. I just could not take my eyes off of it! Whaaaaaaaa the heck? hahahaha

  9. Cinderella says:

    Wow not a very high view of women but probably accurate. You are right if we communicated our needs better instead of leaving people guessing. Sorry realizing how horrible of a wife I have been after reading this.

  10. Wild Bill says:

    Reading her mind? Seriously? the author Charlie must be a virgin and I know has not been married for 14 years, at least not married to a woman. Reading minds is out of the question and should never be expected! When it is expected it is a form of abuse. When my wife and I were newly weds she tried expecting me to “read her mind”. I set her straight quick and told her “I am not a mind reader and never will be because if mind reading were possible then psychiatrists would not need to have multiple sessions. Therefore it’s impossible. Don’t ever expect the impossible from anyone or else you will live a miserable life.” My advice to all men is to know your own mind and stand up for your values. Honor God and let nobody ever rob you of your dignity! Real kneel on our knees to honor and respect someone. We never beg! Charlie, my advice to you is: stop giving advice on how to be a husband unless you get a job as a stand up comic because you are a joke! Pathetic!

  11. mark says:

    My wife and I really don’t get along. I really try very hard to do stuff for her and me. I fix everything round house and her car too. Also do laundry clean the house when she is working and I’m at home also pull her car out of the garage in morning she leaves before me. I could be little more romantic I guess but she doesn’t like sex too much. Its not me, I look normal lol but it really sucks… she just gets mad and angry at the little stuff. Daughter hates her mom.. well not hates but dislikes.. I dunno. I really can’t do too much more but I know I need to do more off the wall stuff. But if I do that shell say its too expensive. DMn if I do damn if I dont,,

  12. mark says:

    I’ll ask her what’s wrong hun? Tonight.. just got to unload the pistols first

  13. Steve says:

    Unfortunately.. wife toward husband emotional abuse is incredibly real.

    Yet of course if a man actually wants to talk about it he’s a piece of trash.

    Go figure.

  14. Derek says:

    I hold down a job, cook, clean, never forget the small stuff, do everything for the baby, while my wife and her family (4 angry sisters and the mother in law) just abuse me. I would leave her but she threatens all sorts and worse of all taking my child away from me.
    My experience of women is they have no concept of justice, half selective memories, deal in half truths, they are cruel, and vindictive, and will use a child as a weapon.
    Don’t really care anymore if anyone would believe this or the negligible percentage of blame I have in this.
    If I could undo the last two years except for my baby , I would. I understand why some men have alternate life choices. Because at this point I would prefer a penis in the rectum against my will 3 times a week than deal with this.

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