Most everyone is familiar with Public Service Announcements (PSAs). Back in the ’50s they taught useful things like ducking down and covering your head with your arms to ensure survival from an atomic blast, or that women are a distracting and deadly menace to the workplace… um… okay, those were probably horrifically misleading, but later there were some good ones. About not getting AIDS or getting into candy-scented vans or staying off drugs whilst properly frying an egg.

What about parents, though? The “Public” is all fine and dandy, but shouldn’t Parents have a special set of Service Announcements just for them? Parent Service Announcements. After all, parenting is nearly as life-altering as an atomic bomb and happens way more often.

Beware of Clowns

This questionably-helpful series starts with the hard-hitting, often overlooked danger of clowns. Sure, it’s all fun and games and grease paint until your kid wakes up screaming, night after night, about honking foam noses, rainbow afros or a polkadot VW Bug that just keeps belching out the twisted balloon-animal wielding freaks. Life scarring.

It’s true. I would soften the blow for those few offended clowns or clown-lovers reading this, but I say this for the greater good, and am therefore numbed with self-riotousness and riding a horse so high your complaints just sound like ant farts to me.

Parents, get prepared by getting smart! Pass this on to others! Because parenting while under the influence of dumbness is… uh… erm… dumb.

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