Some people experience buyers remorse as they are buying something. Sucked into the inescapable gravitational pull of the purchasing process, maybe they feel they’ll look like a moron or worse, a poor person, abandoning items in front of store clerks and their fellow shoppers. Always watching. Always judging. “Ooooooo you grabbed a pack of size 2 diapers for your baby and it’s not even the right size? How is your child still alive!” Okay, maybe not, but it can seem like that in line, if your hands are getting slippery with sweat as they grip a pack of the wrong size diapers.

There are, of course, people who have no problem with this. They’ve got the brass to just say no way when they realized the item was: too expensive, not really needed, not intended for their gender, not actually a “hand” massager, etc., or because they’re simply exercising their right to change their own damned minds. But other people can choke and, like deer caught in the store’s bright over-head lights, swipe their cards with a shit-eating grin and hope no one recognizes them tomorrow when they come back to return it because “their friend didn’t like it” or something. In the case that they don’t have a friend in bad need of size 2 diapers.

Shhhhhh. Your secret is safe with me. And the rest of the Internet.

““

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