How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Kids and Koalas

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You had a baby. Yay!

You should realize that kids tend to grow up and get “less cute” to “outright ugly” from time to time.

At first, the little one can turn your heart into something similar to what a microwave can turn a stick of butter into in 13.3 seconds. This may be by design; it’s possible children start out at their most adorable so that parents can deal with the EVERYTHING that they’ll need to deal with from now on.

They’re so yummy and cuddly and yeah yeah yeah. Shut it. We get it. Enjoy it while it lasts. All kids get bigger, and then parents have that moment. The moment where their kid is the absolute opposite of cute, intentionally, and you really realize it.

On moment you may be humming or whistling because your child is so adorable that if you don’t do these things your head will explode. The next moment, you’re dealing with a pissed off koala kid.

It could be something hideous they do or say, but it’s that moment when they’re wicked and you know that they meant to be so. That’s the shovel of a realization that every parent get hits in the face with, and it’s the same metaphorical shovel that can bury a lot of misconceptions about having kids.

An insult said with the intention to hurt, HURTS! A jar that’s been accidentally shattered is nothing compared to the same thing done on purpose and with villainous smile.

They’re precious; don’t get me wrong! You don’t need to do anything as drastic as putting your kid behind zoo-like bars, or feeding them eucalyptus.

What was your moment? When the walls of your perfect vision of your child came crumbling down?

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Before it’s no longer cute and becomes hideously ugly. If that isnt’ happening already.

Instructional Diagrams
Dig in. You won’t be disappointed.


4 Responses to “Kids and Koalas”

  1. Tony says:

    Our moment has been..well…Age 3. Its been a VERY long moment.

    It started, though, one morning right before his birthday. I came down the stairs and was caught off guard by a toddler running at near the speed of light and ramming his (rather hard and bony) forehead right into my junk. I immediately feel the floor in a fetal position.

    My son thought this was hilarious. It was the best entertainment he had ever gotten in his short life. As soon as I stood up, he did it AGAIN. I went down again (reflexes) and he proceeded to body slam on top of me and then arrange himself so that his little toddler junk (inside a less than fresh diaper, I might add) was right on top of my head. Yes – I was cock punched, body slammed and then tea bagged by a 3 year old. Happy fathers day!

    • Erich says:

      I feel bad laughing at this but having been there myself I find it hard not to. All the best to you and your healing junk!

  2. John says:

    Well, my 3 year old daughter slapped a full spoon of food right out of my hand last night. It’s no headbutt to the balls but it still kind of sucked.

  3. Karen says:

    I am older than my step-daughter father’s, so when we asked her how old she thought I was….with a perfectly angelic look on her face she replied, “You’re older than dirt.” She was 5. It didn’t stop there, she went on to ask me if I had a dinosaur as a pet, and if we had electricity when I was a kid. Apparently her mother hates me……

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