How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

What Your Pizza Toppings Can Say About You (Illustrated)


What Your Pizza Toppings Can Say About You and Your Fellow Game Watchers

Science has proven that you aren’t actually “what you eat,” at least not literally. But what you do eat CAN say a lot about you. This is so true for pizza.

Maybe pizza toppings won’t tell you who to marry or who to hire for your taxes, but that’s what Magic 8-Balls are for, right? When you take food requests, this handy chart can at least tell you a bit about your family or the people you may be getting together with to watch the Super Bowl (or any game, or sitcom, or paint drying). You can reserve a seat in the far corner of the room for the person who asks if they have squid eyeballs or cactus thorns.

If you’re wondering what pizza has to do with parenting, then I must ask you what fascist country do you live in where deliciousness and happiness are against the law? You might not be into sports, but PIZZA? Please.


Other “Food” Related Stuff
You might not want to click here before or while you’re eating, though.

Oh my gah! How rad does that sound! Don’t bother, I already checked and the domain is taken.


13 Responses to “What Your Pizza Toppings Can Say About You (Illustrated)”

  1. Lacey S says:

    I’m a vacationer, but now my son eats all of the pineapple for me. But you kinda missed one… I’m gluten and lactose intollerant, so I really think my pizza should be called “the deprived” πŸ™

    • Manda says:

      If you have a Monical’s nearby they have a pretty decent GF crust. Don’t know about the cheese, though. Wonder if they’d let you toss on one of the substitutes?

    • Sabrina says:

      Lacey, I recently (like last week) went GF/DF for my nursing son – I guess we really will do anything for our kids, huh?? To mourn the passing of my favorite food groups Cheese and Wheat, I ate a garbage disposal pizza almost entirely by myself (what? I’m a nursing mom! Feeeeed meeeeeee!). I’ve lost 4 lbs in a week. Hah! I so want pizza right now…

    • WeirdFish says:

      At the risk of sounding un-CountryName-an, I’ve periodically ordered or made pizza without cheese for when my lactose intolerance starts acting up or if the cheese is particularly young.

      It’s actually a lot like dipping breadsticks into the sauce but coming up with all the meat-tastic toppings! πŸ™‚

    • Jade says:

      “The Deprived!” Tee-hee! Bet you make a lot of your own pizzas too, hey? I’d be a “garbage disposal” because I make a lot of pizzas using leftover meats and veggies. πŸ™‚ Also, I’m lucky enough to live near a gluten-free store that has a vegan cheese option for their homemade pizzas.

  2. Christina says:

    I”m the garbage disposal, and the ball and chain is the vacationer.
    But we can go anyway as far as pizza goes.
    We go to Cici’s, they have a chicken Alfredo and a macaroni pizza, those are pretty awesome too.
    I guess my oldest would be an xtreme freak, as he likes them to put pepperoni on his macaroni pizza.

    • Kerrianne says:

      I’m much of a fan of that Mac N cheese pizza. Do love Cici’s though. I think they’ve been holding out on me though- never had the chicken alfredo! BF loves their brownies. I’m also the garbage disposal, minus the black olives. Extra onion. Mmmm πŸ™‚

  3. Rebekah says:

    The Gardener. Yea, I’m a hippy…but I don’t like twigs on my pizza.

  4. Arietta says:


    I am sixteen, so I don’t claim to be a parent, nor can’t say to know it all, but since my father and his new wife have two little kids, aged three and just about two, this page amuses me. I have been a regular stalker for at least six months now.

    I find myself looking after my half-siblings, sometimes out of my free will and sometimes not quite.

    Washing hands, explaining to a biker that oh, the little one did not mean to call you a “pretty lady”, she just admired that.. mass of hair, having lunch together (It is just out of love, when the tiny toddlers refuse to eat anything, that is not on your plate, right?), hiding and finding the most loved and drool-covered toys,and singing about lunatic animals or happyhappy trips to the marketplace sound quite familiar to me.

    Even tough it can be hard, spending time with so little creatures (or it just might be me, recovering over depression and some other things) it all pays up when I go for a visit. Huggles, so much talk about nothing and basically going insane for a moment – youcametoseeusOHMYImissedyousomuchneverevergoawayagain!

    At this point, I forgot what was going to be the point of my message. Oh well. You have a great blog here, keep it up, all the best for you ~

    (My English might sound odd, I come from Finland, sorry about that.)

  5. Rob says:

    …Carnivores represent! πŸ˜‰

  6. Jesi says:

    The vacationing carnivore dr pepperoni smurf.

    Identity crisis?

  7. Laurie says:

    Hmm, this is interesting. I HATE any toppings on pizza, so I guess you called it. I will give you uncomplicated, but i’m not sure my husband would agree with the simple part..I am for sure a wallflower!

  8. Louise says:

    I used to work at a pizza shop with 38 different types of pizza, and people would STILL ask for variations! One third of the time the variations would end up being actual pizzas on the menu because hungry people can’t read. The most popular was a vegetarian with either ham or salami. Go figure.

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