How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Messy Story Hotline

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Oh You're Home Early Messy Paint Kids Messy Stories Picture

Things can get crazy when you become a parent and your little mess-makers explode into your life. Kids always seem busy expressing themselves with their Jackson Pollack abstract art on your walls, your floors, your bedding and even on your pets. They can truly make messes into an art form. Art that you have to clean up once you’re done “appreciating” it.

So, for once, let’s celebrate your messy stories. We want you to share them with us. Normally, websites want you to post a comment or tweet it or whatever. We want something better than that. We want you to call us on the phone!


1. Leave us a message with your messy story. Say your first name (only), website name (if you’ve got one) and your story (one minute max).

Charlie’s example and horrific dietary confession.

2. We will select and put up the voice messages here in this post for all to hear.

3. Laugh with your fellow parents. Bask in the healing glow of laughter.

Disclaimer: Remember, by leaving a message on our voicemail, that means you’re cool and that you’re giving us permission share your coolness on our website.


In addition to sharing your horror messy story here on our hotline, you can also share a short, 120-character version of it for a chance to win $15,000. No joke.

Bleach It Away Giveaway


“The Perfect Storm” :: Whit, Honea Express


“Puff the Magic Baby” :: Kelly,

“Marker Mark & the Funky Bunch” :: David,


“Winter Wonderland” :: Jessi,

“Quatto is Alien for PEE” :: Evan,


“Say Hello to my Little Friend” :: Harry

“Pekinese is Tibetan for Dirty Dog” :: Christina

“Scuzzuzzi” :: Sheila

“Best Damn Stay-At-Home Dad Ever” :: Jeff,

“Organic, Edible Mud Bath” :: Michelle G


“Jonah & the Whale of a Poop” :: Christina the Canadian

“Cowskin Vomitcoaster” :: Haley,

“Poop Spackle” :: Barmy,

More to come…

We’re here for you in your time of need. But we need your stories! So, let’s be here for each other. Call now! (Robotic operators are standing by)


Disclosure: Like two robots that combine into one super rad giant robot, we are joining forces with Clorox to bring you this sponsored message, so you can laugh until you experience one of the 3 Ps yourself and to let you know that you can share your best messy moments for the Bleach It Away Campaign for a chance to win $15,000. (See the Rules)

Enter to Win $15,000!!!
If you don’t enter… just… why NOT?!? 120 characters! C’mon! How lazy can a human being get???

Nah, I just like replacing the word Face- with other words.

Poop for Days
As far as the eye can see. Poop.


8 Responses to “Messy Story Hotline”

  1. Tad says:

    Whit, your story is priceless. I LOL’ed in the purest definition of the word. Especially since I have several stories that comprise at least 66% of the elements of the storm you had, in varying proportions.

  2. Whit says:

    Thanks, Tad. It’s been nine years and I can see/smell/feel/taste it like it was yesterday.

  3. Laurie says:

    Whit: Of all the stories available to listen to at this time, yours was the only one that made me laugh out loud! So funny. Thanks for sharing!

  4. Christina says:

    Is it just me, or is there only two or three of the sound cloud messy stories showing up?
    I’m seeing many titles, but not many of the sound clips.

  5. Christina says:

    It’s just my puter, visited on my phone, and everything is showing up just fine.

  6. Hannah says:

    Thanks for the laugh, Whit. That was the best story ever. My husband even cracked up at the “I screamed a little and I’m okay with that.” :~)

  7. Jen says:

    I had to compose myself quickly after the recording… it was so funny.

  8. Coco Cana says:

    This is gold. The whole thing. Takes it to a whole new level. Great way to reinvent the genre, guys. You’re kind of like the Tom Hooper of blogging now. Way to go.

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