How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

How Not to React to the Big News (VIDEO)

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Listen, men. We need to have a talk.

Most of you are good, caring gents that love your spouses. I feel like the plural for the word spouse should be spice. Can we change it?

Anyway, we made this video so you can avoid being dumb. The whole dumb thing is overrated and stereotypical. And you’re better than that.

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Remember, you can’t take pee out of pool. So don’t throw battery acid all over a memory that the two of you will be recounting for the rest of your life. Be proud. Be ready. Be a man.

May the Force be with you.*

* Always use the Force responsibly. cannot be held liable for misuse of the Force or its Dark Side.


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It’s like finding your brother’s journal and wishing you hadn’t.


25 Responses to “How Not to React to the Big News (VIDEO)”

  1. beta dad says:

    First! (That’s what they do on Dooce, or so I hear.)

    Funny shit, dudes. I hope your disclaimer is explicit enough and everyone understands that this is satire. Yeah, it’s probably not.

  2. Liesbet says:

    I remember soooo well when I told Bert that I was pregnant with our first. We had been trying to get pregnant for 13 months, so it was not really a surprise or anything (although after 13 months you start wondering if it’s ever going to happen). Anyway.
    He had already left for work. I took the test and called him immediately, completely overjoyed myself. His response? “Oh. OK. Cool.” Grmbl. I guess he was just busy driving or something, but I had expected a little more happiness…
    Then I called one of my best friends and when she answered the phone, I sobbed “I’m pregnant!!!” and we cried together. Now THAT was the right response ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Um, how many wives do the two of you actually have?

  4. The muskrat says:

    Given that 3 of our 4 were surprises, I recognized some of these reactions. We like them now, though. The babies. They’re an acquired taste.

  5. Erin B says:

    Awesome Spider Robinson reference!

  6. Bullgrit says:

    Y’all consistently turn out good stuff. Best line in this vid: “Did you pee on that?”

  7. All that was missing was the internal primal scream. ๐Ÿ™‚ Funny stuff guys.

  8. Scott says:

    Great video. Love the “you just ate a lot of brownies. ” lmao

  9. Laurie says:

    Wow, that is hilarious! God, I hope no man would really react that way, although I’m sure it happens!

  10. Christina says:

    “Did you pee on that?”

    “Why yes, yes I did. And for that reaction, you deserve a whole bucket of pee so just be grateful it was a capped stick.”

    Our first was 3 months into our dating relationship. I’d dreamed for years how I would tell my husband I was pregnant and he’d be just as happy as me. Yeah…

    #2 was supposed to be my dream announcement, but I was so afraid of getting the response I got when I did tell him that I didn’t tell him first…

  11. Julia McAllister says:

    Haha my brother in law’s reaction to my second pregnancy:
    “What are you guys the Duggars or something?”

    Yep. TLC contacted us. We are getting our own show. 1 kid and counting.

  12. Brad Jenkins says:

    How many wives do each of you have…or were some of those mistresses?

  13. Ypsi says:

    Luckily, my husband was pretty good about all three times. The only thing that was kind of dumb was the second time… I showed him the positive pee stick and he said, “Is it positive?”

    No, dumbass, I just wanted to show you this wet stick I just peed on for no reason. ๐Ÿ˜›

    He’s a great rockstar dad and husband, though!

  14. Tanis says:

    When I told my husband we were pregnant with our first child (after deciding we were going to start trying) the first thing he said was ‘Oh great, now we are going to be poor’ I was so pissed at him.

    For our second child who was also planned, and yes I had two with that man, he barely looked up from his video game and said ‘yay’ quite sarcastically.

    Lets just say he turned out to be a crappy husband and left us when baby 2 was 2 months old…. I hope if I get married again and we have babies I will finally get an appropriate response!

  15. Ashley says:

    My son was a surprise. I said nothing for a day or say then when I dropped the p-bomb he said, “let’s make sure it sticks before we tell anyone.” 3 years later we still joke about him sticking.

  16. Chris Hall says:

    We were actually trying so I actually responded with excitement.

  17. Loughlan says:

    How are those supposed to be bad reactions.
    I was so close to saying “oh shit” when I heard.
    I think I was thinking that, but went speechless. (body’s self defense mechanism?)

  18. Erin says:

    When I found out I was pregnant with our first baby, I left the test stick on the bathroom counter for him to see when he got home from work. I thought he’d be thrilled, since we managed to get pregnant on our first try. He got home late that night from work and never walked into the bathroom. I couldn’t keep the secret any longer so I ran up to him with the test stick that said “pregnant” and excitedly announced, “I’m pregnant!!!” I thought he’d shout for joy and give me a giant hug…well, he did…but not until AFTER he said THIS: “And WHO, may I ask, is the father!?!?!”
    Always the jokester. On a normal day I would have laughed…but it wasn’t exactly the reaction I was going for. People laugh their asses off when I tell them that story now!

  19. Liz the Insane says:

    Hahaha I’ll never forget when I found out we were pregnant with our first. When I told my husband, he got this deer in the headlights look and said, “How did THAT happen??”

    So very patiently, I started explaining, “Well, when a boy and a girl really like each other…”

    He cut me off with “No, I know HOW it happened! But HOW did it happen?”

    It was hysterical. Of course he was asking how it happened because we got pregnant while on birth control! THAT’S what he wanted to know…how’d THAT happen?? We tell our oldest that she should be proud, she’s in the 1%!!

  20. Turtle-Dove says:

    Between the two of us I actually had the dumb reaction, I worked for a quadriplegic so I had been working for 4 days straight and had just got home when my husband handed me a first response and pushed me into the washroom, when I came out a few minutes later with a positive he got this giant grin picked me up, twirled me around and was just extremly happy, I was so tired I just smiled and went to bed, about 8 hours later I woke up and was like “holy sh*t did that happen?” and had to go find the pee stick for proof ^-^

  21. Rebekah_m5 says:

    I just wanted to say that was too funny and prabaly the funniest thing is that when I told my hubby I was pregnant with the stick he actually took it looked at it and then realized what it was and said”did you pee on this” lol and went and washed his hands…

  22. Russell says:

    When my wife told me she was pregnant, it was 6:30 in the morning and she hadn’t slept well all night since she was excited/nervous about taking the pregnancy test. It was of course positive, and she came out of the bathroom and told me (who was still sound asleep). I replied, “That’s nice, we can talk about it later.” Oops.

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