How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Guy Sign Language


Guy Sign Language Chart

Why didn’t I call this one Dad Sign Language? Since it’s so obviously a necessary skill for a man who has sleeping kids in his life: to say things silently. The thing is, I realized that this applies to men long before they procreate.

Understanding this specialized communication method* should be useful to women. Trying to fathom what is rattling around in the heads of the opposite sex will always be an uphill battle for both sides, so reinforcements are always welcome. Consider this a clear look at the smart kid’s paper in class while the teacher is away in the bathroom. Take your time, in my metaphor she had some bad Mexican food last night.

Okay, maybe men and dads aren’t always the best communicators, even when they’re trying to do it with hand gestures. But we try!

* Please note, this is not yet officially validated by any association or organization related to impaired hearing or deafness. It should not be attempted on people with actual hearing problems or people who know traditional sign language.

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40 Responses to “Guy Sign Language”

  1. Monica says:

    Pretty much sums up my hubby. Love the last one. 😉

  2. Braindonkey says:

    Last one lol’d me as well.

    Though the most common one in my house is missing.
    The “WTF did you just say?! Was that even English?”

  3. Christina says:

    So that’s what the last one means??? As of yet, we haven’t resorted to sign language, but hubby verbally expresses that one quite frequently to my annoyance. Now I know…its a COMPLIMENT!

  4. If you add the universal hand signal for BEER ME, then you have everything you need to decipher a complete silent conversation in our household.

  5. Brian says:

    I forgot all about the sign for “you are so beautiful.” That was a really big hit when I was in High School, I’m sure my wife would love for me to bring that one back.

  6. Renae says:

    What about the motioning chin… as in go get the thing that I want and you know what it is, I’m just not going to say the words to ask for it? That’s my favorite
    Ooo.. I can think of lots more!

  7. Screw all the How To books out there for women who are desperately trying to understand men. This right here tells all we need to know.

    The last one? Hilarious!!!

    • Andy says:


  8. eriol78 says:

    OK now. This doesn’t make any sense. Where’s the banana!?!

  9. sarah says:

    Nice! I prefer stuff like this to the videos. I read blogs on my phone while putting baby to bed, to stay awake. I cant watch videos during that time so they get ignored. So sad. My favorite sign was the last one, lol.

  10. Bullgrit says:

    Ha! Great stuff. For that last one, I usually raise my eyebrows a couple of times, too.

  11. Steve says:

    Funny! The last one is my favorite. Since I am not married I may try that at the mall one night.

    Then I can do the “run for your life” one when security starts coming after me. lol

  12. CobyLyn says:

    I’m going to have to try that last one on my hubster, I don’t think they teach that signal in England.

  13. Coco Cana says:

    The thing I like about funny bloggers is it brings out funny commenters too. Great post all around! Oh, and were you stalking my husband to make this chart or something?

    • Andy says:

      Right? We have the best audience/commenters. Love ’em. They make our website better.

      P.S. I can neither confirm nor deny that any stalking of your husband was used in the making of this Instructional Diagram. 😉

  14. Stefanie says:

    Hilarious! And sadly, with three boys and a husband, I can relate far too well to “Run For Your Life.” It’s what keeps me in shape.

    • Andy says:

      Ha ha! I’m so glad you saw this one since we’re both all-boys parents. And because I think it’s one of my funnier Instructional Diagrams.

  15. Amy says:

    Now we just need a “Glossary of Man Grunts,” to help us decode the nuanced grunt vocabulary, how the changes of inflection change the whole meaning of a one syllable “uhh!,” etc so we can be fully able to communicate with the men in our lives. Thank you for your service to woman-kind.

  16. I need a “I frickin’ love this, dude” button to click, please.

  17. Love all these. Turning to a specifically Dad motion, do any of you moms experience your husband with clenched jaw and dagger eyes gesturing (however he does it) you to NOT ENTER TO TRY TO GIVE THE KIDS CRYING FOR MOMMY A CUDDLE BECAUSE HE IS PUTTING THEM TO SLEEP AND IF DEFY THIS COMMANDMENT YOU COME IN THE KIDS ROOM RIGHT NOW YOU WILL BE PUTTING THEM TO SLEEP UNTIL THEY GO AWAY TO COLLEGE.

  18. Jo says:

    Someone commented on Facebook ‘looks just like a “toddler sign language”‘…which makes sense they are pretty much the same thing LOL and the last one, OMG If my husband does that ONE.MORE.TIME.

    • Andy says:

      I saw that comment and resisted the temptation to just say: no duh.

      • Jo says:

        I couldn’t resist commenting, as you probably saw…hubs has since graduated to gesturing to his non-existant boobs in a pretend squeezing manner…I can’t decide which is worse, this or the afore mentioned. Ugh!?

  19. bigred210 says:

    I love the disclaimer

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