How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

My Wife Just Said… #77

Posted by , under "MY WIFE JUST SAID..."

“Soooooo, I’m slightly freaking out… Why? Because Lucas just ate POOP!!! Well, no he didn’t EAT it – like a chunk of it – but he had his hands jammed in his mouth and I found poo all over them.” -Elizabeth


Previous “My Wife Just Said…”


30 Responses to “My Wife Just Said… #77”

  1. Laurie says:


  2. neal says:

    It reminds me of those weird food fetish shows they have on TV, where the girl can’t stop eating chalk, or toilet paper. Hopefully this isn’t a habit for your son…but if it is, he could be a star!

    • Andy says:

      Thankfully it only happened once. Aaaaaaand suddenly I’m possessed of an almost irresistible desire to eat chalk or watch aYouTube video of someone going Jabba the Hut on it.

  3. Jess says:

    I didn’t know that it was possible to vomit and laugh hysterically at the very same time. You can teach old dogs new tricks, I guess.

    Also? Oh. Dear. God.

    • Andy says:

      I’m here to teach. And produce vomit laughter. Ha ha ha ha ha! Double-prizes for you today. You’re welcome.

      • Jess says:

        I’m rich beyond my wildest maternal imagination. I also am not disappointed that I blocked from my memory this very discovery with Dylan during the “exploration of excrement” phase of toddlerhood. ::shudders::

  4. Jacey says:

    Oh my gosh, my nearly two year old played in her dirty diaper for a month straight. Luckily, I don’t think she ever ate any of it.

  5. Mo says:

    Oh goodness! I was thankful neither of my boys ever tried to paint with their poop or do anything other than the one time my older one stored his poop in his nightstand drawer (took me two days to figure out where it was).

  6. Manda says:

    I’m on number three. She’s only three weeks old so I can’t speak for her, yet. However, I’m happy to say that my other two have never, ever wanted anything to do with poo. Rocks, mud, and unidentifiable foodstuffs, sure…..but never poo!

    Maybe it’s because they’re girls?

    • Andy says:

      That’s good. I think Lucas learned his lesson and was actually as startled at how awful his hand tasted as we were grossed out. I think he just forgot that he’d been juggling the brownies in his diaper, and then went for a good ole fashion finger suck. BLECH!

  7. Corissa says:

    Ha ha ha! This happens to most parents. We found our 1 year old playing in her explosive diaper recently. We laughed, we cried, and my husband even threw up a little. It was horrible and halarious all in one.

  8. David says:

    Oh sh**!

    (pun not intended initially, but yeah, it’s rather obvious)

  9. Crystalyn says:

    We went to get my daughter out of her crib once and she had smeared poop ALL OVER and had been eating it. I should have taken a picture, that way when she’s old enough to go on dates we can show them to her boyfriend and say “You sure you want to be kissing that mouth? She’s eaten poop.” HAHA

  10. Danielle says:

    my kids have played/ate in fresh dog poop and pooped in the tub and played in it. It honestly is one of my worst nightmare situations…like im gagging now. and at the time I cried like a sissy the whole time trying to clean poop off them

    • Andy says:

      Oh my GOD!!! I would pull up a chair to watch my little boy eat his own poop by the bowlful before I would watch a millisecond of a dog sh#t chow time! AAAARRRGGG!!!

  11. Celia says:

    i mean, what do you do in situations like this? you can’t exactly vomit because you need to your child up. if you sit there and cry it won’t stop said child from continuing to eat poop. Do you laugh it off?

    i SO do not look forward to the day something like this happens.

    • Andy says:

      Lots of water, soap and faster than light movement may have been liberally applied. Repeatedly.

      Like so many things in parenting: handle first, vomit and cry in private later.

  12. gladiator007 says:

    Another poop story for the books.

  13. David Barchas says:

    At least it was his poop. Practicing for college?
    But alas, it does prove out a theory. Poop doesn’t taste bad. If it did, those hands would not have stayed in that mouth…

  14. Louise says:

    I once caught my baby scientifically experimenting to see how much cat poop she could fit into her mouth at one time. Thankfully she didn’t swallow any. Isn’t dirt meant to be good for the immune system?

  15. Ai says:

    lol ok so my daughter did the same thing and i freaked out too.

    seriously i looked away from her for like 30 seconds, she managed to take off her diaper and poop on my husbands chair (bahaha). She then went and finger painted and spread the poo into the chair and put her fingers in her mouth…

    I was cooking dinner…yea I didnt feel like touching food after that or eating for that matter for that day.

  16. James says:

    You’ll love this. A very ‘My wife just said..’ from a guy we didn’t think was married –

  17. Totally happens. Why I remember the first time I woke to Xander feasting on his own diaper kibble. It was horrifying. I think I cried. The fifth time I just sort of threw my hands in the air and shouted, “AGAIN!??” He grew out of it thank GOD.

  18. Mary says:

    My son’s father is older than me and has been through all of this before with his (now grown) kids, but its all new to me. Every time he predicts some horrifying event it comes true. He says someday this will happen. Now, my toddler and I have these moments when we are both ‘frozen’, staring at each other with wide eyes, just waiting to see what the other will do. Like if he farts in the tub . . . He often ends these long tense silences with, “Hey.” It helps, but I’m still scared. :/

Leave a Reply

Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting.