How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Childproofing Level: EPIC

Posted by , under SNAPSHOTS

You think you’re doing a good job as a parent, and then you see THIS…

I want to find the person responsible for this architectural masterpiece, stuff his pockets with all of my money and then pray to him every day for making my life better.

It’s not often you can find a house that is:

A. Stylish - These colors are post-modern, shabby chic AWESOME.
B. Nostalgic - Imagine living inside your favorite play activity. And then bounce in it.
C. Sturdy - I dare the elements to try to kick this house in its metaphorical junk.
D. Safe - It’s totally childproofed from top to bottom. Imagine your kid falls down the stairs. They’d probably bounce back up them.

We live in a three story condo. Finn learned to walk about a month after we moved here. So, you can imagine the loss of hair, the color of aforementioned hair and remnant sanity that comes from watching him climb the stairs every day.

I feel like this house is the answer to all of my problems. This house would suit my toddler’s gymnastic, death-defying life choreography. I need to make a pilgrimage.

Have a rambunctious weekend!

Love and Airtime,

Charlie

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37 Comments

37 Responses to “Childproofing Level: EPIC”

  1. Erich says:

    SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!

  2. Vania says:

    bBabies and toddlers must be either suicidal or daredevils… I tried baby proofing sharp edges, but she picked them right off. I don’t know how many times I have replaced one of those bumpers. She pulled ‘em right off and started chewing on them.

    Look, I’m not kidding: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150777718375334&set=a.10150282057905334.337247.674585333&type=3&theater

    My baby has a strong grip. I might need to super glue them. However.. maybe.. resistance is futile..

  3. MotherDuck says:

    Ha ha ha! I just imagine myself at the table trying to relax, hair disheveled, blank stare in my eyes attempting drink a cup of coffee while my kids and my husband are bouncing off the walls, literally, causing the whole house to move up and down, up and down, up and down.

    But yes, for a good year of their respective lives this would have been freaking amazing!

  4. Elizabeth says:

    Looks like a fun place to live to me :)

  5. Kathy V. says:

    The color scheme is very hip. And you’d never have to buy one of those awful helmets that they make for kids to crawl around the house in (seriously, why not just wrap the kid in bubblewrap?) I do have to wonder, though, if it’s fully plumbed.

  6. Mama Lowton says:

    This article made me laugh so hard…and Vania – my toddler picks off all the child-proofing stuff too. His current favorite hobby is doing a Jimmy Superfly Snooka off the couch…right on to the hardwood floor. Then laughs, while I clutch at my heart in horror. He’s my third (and last!) I don’t have any non-gray hairs left after this one.

    • charlie says:

      I think we can all safely say that our toddlers enjoy the childproofing food group.

    • Vania says:

      I feel you… my baby loves to attempt to dive down from the changing table… GASP!!!!

    • Lacey S says:

      My son flips off the couch to intentionally land on his head, then roll onto his back. Fortunately he gives me enough warning to put some pillows and thick blankets down first. He does the same thing at the daycare – scares the bejeebers out of them!

  7. Laeti says:

    You’ll be skinny in this house (or broke), since you can never prepare any food: don’t ever get a knife or a hot pot near those inflated plastic walls!
    And you can’t have any pets, either… :(

  8. Shilpa says:

    Is this house in… Awesomeville?

  9. Canadian Dad says:

    I don’t say words like Awesome-sauce and crap like that because I’m not an asshole. However, if I were to start saying things like that, it would be because of seeing something like this! Please tell me you didn’t photoshop this so I can have hope of ever finding it!

  10. Think of all the money you’d save on furniture! No need for beds, comfy chairs or even a sofa!

  11. jetts31 says:

    That would be the most fun open house showing of all friggin’ time.

  12. Cathy says:

    This is really kinda brilliant. There should be an entire subdivision of these built, ummm inflated, somewhere.

  13. Jennifer says:

    I’ll take two!! One for where we’re stationed, and one to stay in on trips back home. Sprout will never get hurt again!!!

  14. Louise says:

    This is so awesome! My baby has started standing against furniture, but isn’t as competent at getting back down again. This would have saved so many tears!

  15. I’m going out on a limb here and say, this might not be as awesome as you think. I have personally witnessed all 3 of my children fall down the stairs. (Of course I tried to save them, I didn’t actually just stand there and watch!) They all survived none the worse for the wear.
    However, I go to birthday parties with the 2 stoy tall bounce slide things where the kids are expected to hold a rope and scale their way up to the top. All I see when they are doing this is the possibility of them falling backward, rolling head over feet and breaking their neck. That house would be my nightmare.
    If it were one story, I would be ALL OVER IT!

  16. Gale says:

    My parents lived in a boat when I was little. I CAN ONLY IMAGINE! (Actually, I kinda remember that they briefly moved into an apartment from about 1 to 3. That was probably shortly after my mom left me with my dad and came home to find me floating in the water (my dad fell asleep…and I took my first swim).

  17. Kasey says:

    I’ll take two

  18. Stacy Lawrence says:

    Just showed this to my 6 year old. He’s upstairs packing his stuff in preparation for the move.

  19. Tom says:

    yeah, the kids will love it. But think of the potential when its time for them to spend the night at grandmas and the parents get the house for the night!

  20. Christine Taylor says:

    My Children Would Destroy This. One Sharp Item And Ur House Caves In On U Or U Blow Away Like Some Sort Of Cartoon Balloon Scene.

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