How to Be a Dad

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The Food Groups According to Kids


Food Pyramid According to Kids Funny Food Groups

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Funny Kid Food Groups Descriptions

Children look at food and nutrition differently than adults do. Sometimes they don’t even look at it, they just breath it in without even chewing. Some are picky and have roulette wheels for appetites. But whatever the case, the food groups look different in the eyes of a kid.

For starters, the idea that 5-6 categories can encompass ALL foods is kind of dumb. The food groups are kind of like a “See Jane Run” simplification of nutrition. But since dumb is commonly a passing grade in this world, let’s just go with it.

Not all of these categories and examples will apply to every child’s preference and opinions. For example, some kids might consider M&Ms more properly placed in the Portable category rather than Chocolate. Some may not like peanut M&Ms, considering them “healthy.” And some may not like chocolate at all, in which case, check for a battery slot, your child may not be real.


You can’t eat Facebook…
We’ve tried. Not good. Kinda chewy, too. Let’s just use it for social interaction, okay?

Instructional Diagrams are good enough to eat!
You’ll really wish you could eat these… except for the ones about poop. Eh, maybe even then.


57 Responses to “The Food Groups According to Kids”

  1. Christina says:

    “Some are picky and have roulette wheels for appetites.”

    Omg YES. I’m at my wit’s end on that one. I think the last real meal my son has eaten was 3 waffles at Nana’s 3 days ago.

    As for M&Ms, my son loves chocolate, but those fall in the inedible group to him. I guess they look to much like the little rocks he played with when little and doesn’t think they’re actually food (and chocolate to boot…)

    • Andy says:

      ARG!!! Our youngest son is healthy and growing fast but seems to only eat bread and raisins. Maybe his stomach is transforming these basic foods nutritionally into three-course meals? (sigh)

      • Elise says:

        Sorta like Willy Wonka’s chewing gum. Minus the whole “You’re turning violet, Violet!” part (hopefully).
        My nephew pretty much only likes gummies, veggie packs (at least those are healthy), grilled cheese sandwiches, and marshmallows.

        • Andy says:

          Where’s Willy when you need him? Our littlest is still living on bread and fluids, some kind of prison diet. But he’s rarely ill and taller than the average toddler, so we’re not too concerned. πŸ˜‰

  2. Monica says:

    This has got to be the best Food Guide Pyramid according to Kids EVER! You always manage to outdo yourselves and this one is clever and true. I would like to hope I can teach my son better habits than this but I know my son will probably follow this food guide pyramid whether I want him to or not. This diagram should be a refrigerator magnet to show off to guests when they come over. Please keep up the great work!

    • Andy says:

      Thanks! “Best” is high praise! Illustrating all the goofy little food icons was worth best status!

      Yeah, it’s pretty much unavoidable, what your kid will go by. πŸ˜‰ But you’re making an investment for the future, so keep at it!

    • Rachel says:

      Yes, this should definitely be a magnet that goes on the fridge! “Maybe his stomach is transforming these basic foods nutritionally into three-course meals?” LOL Andy!

      It’s nice to know I’m not the only one with this problem. Some people make you feel like you are a terrible parent to not have a perfect eater. I don’t believe them–but I can’t help but feel that maybe, just maybe, I am doing something wrong πŸ™‚ For now, I will hand over a vitamin and consider us good!

  3. Jeff says:

    Great stuff, but you left ranch dressing out of the condiment group!

  4. Elizabeth says:

    OH MY LORDY LUV!! This is the best Food Guide Pyramid EVER!! I totally agree with Monica: we should make this a fridge magnet!!

  5. MotherDuck says:

    Ugh! So freakin’ genius! It’s like you are in my mind and seeing what I have to deal with. I have to hide veggies in the rice and mashed potatoes. Strangely they will drink the “Green Machine” juice. Go figure.

    • Andy says:

      YES!!! Lucas drinks superfood in the morning like a Buick drinks gas, but if he even sees the color green on his plate… bad news for business!

      P.S. I am inside your mind. Sorry about that. I’ll try not to make a mess.

  6. Andy and Charlie, how do you manage to produce such awesomeness all the time? Your diagrams are my favorite part of your site! Keep up the good work! I’ll keep trying to keep my three year old from eating yellow mustard by the spoonful…

  7. Heidi says:

    My 2year old would like to add a pet food group. She likes to skoop some kibble fresh from our dogs food package (child proof lock my ass…) and watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with her snacks.

  8. Alexis says:

    I think there should be a goldfish food group as that would validate the volume of goldfish that my children consume. They are both portable, yummy, and probably the only source of iron (yes they’re fortified) that they get.

  9. What about the neglected food groups such as the whipped group, and the congealed group?

    Dr. Nick would not be impressed!

  10. Vania says:

    I am so dreading that this will happen soon.. My daughter is 8 months old and so far she loves broccoli but hates potatoes! I hope this clueless stage will last as long as it can. I am planning on learning how to make cute Japanese style bento to make veggies look more attractive.

  11. Lorena says:

    Dude.T-shirt. Stat!

    You guys are geniuses. Tell me something: do you wake up in the middle of the night laughing uncontrollably as these come to you?

    • Andy says:

      Ha ha! One needs to sleep in the first place in order to wake up. Soooo… you’re close. Yeah though, I shamefully admit I get a kick out of my own stuff. I think I’m not supposed to. But I balance it out with horrible self-doubt on some posts too. πŸ˜‰

      Thanks oodles!

  12. KJ says:

    Are you sure this is just for kids? With the exception of the “gross” and “inedible” food groups, it looks suspiciously like what my husband would eat if I let him.

  13. Melissa says:

    I’m glad boogers were included, as it seems that is the only somewhat-nutritious my almost-2 year old has eaten this weekend. I blame the potty-training bribery.

  14. Carla says:

    I wouldn’t eat soup my parents made if it had an eyeball in it either! πŸ˜‰

    So far, my 2 year old will eat bread and cheese and a few other things, but not together. If we have pizza, he’ll only eat the cheese, if I make him a sandwich, he takes it apart and eats the insides separately. Hot dog? No bun. Everything has to be separate or he wont eat it!

    • Andy says:

      Yeah, me neither on the soup. Ha ha! I’m glad you noticed that one. I was wondering if anyone would. LOL to your food dismantler! They do make it interesting don’t they? πŸ˜‰

  15. Gina says:

    This is hilarious! And I know a few kiddos who can totally relate to many of these food groups. Thankfully we are beyond the portable food group stage but mine would live in the chocolate group if allowed.

  16. Barbara Saunders says:

    Chocolate? In my experience the chocolate obsession is an adult woman thing, not a kid thing. Candy (including some chocolate), yes; chocolate per se, not so much.

  17. Gale says:

    I have one of those strange kids that is not crazy about chocolate (evidenced by the fact that he would not eat a bite of the chocholate pudding I put his medicine in, only ate half his chocholate cake for his birthday and my other kids birthday, but faceplanted into the white cream cheese frosting of the carrot cake I gave him earlier this week (forget this fork stuff mommy…its slowing me down!).

    Anyways, hilarious stuff there! And captures the general kid eating habits pretty well.

  18. LB says:

    Did you consult my husband when making this because it appears to be his food pyramid too?

  19. Sandy says:

    I could maybe convince my kid to try the eyeball soup. But, the cyst covered uterus with engorged fallopian tubes on the plate might be a stretch…

  20. Jen says:

    You forgot the “white food group” — white food with a side of ketchup.

  21. John says:

    My oldest decided last week his lunch was yucky so he not only tossed it in the trash he tossed the tupperware it was packed in. Wife got home and asked him where the green box was…he said it was yucky and i put it in the garbage.

  22. Antoinette says:

    Ummmmmm, banana?

  23. Elizabeth says:

    I have decided I want to make this into a t-shirt. Agreed? πŸ™‚

    • Andy says:

      Agreed! I cannot argue with those gorgeous lips. Unless “argue” is a euphemism, in which case, let’s have a HUGE arguement. Wink wink!

  24. Matteo says:

    My son is currently surviving on sausage and biscuits, chips and an occasional serving of cereal. Glad to see I’m not the only one on this boat.

  25. Barbara says:

    You forgot chapstick and sunscreen in the inedible group!

  26. Laura says:

    Indible: dental floss, that was a fun one to find in the diaper… kids.

  27. Jeannie says:

    This is hilarious! Mine really will eat veggies, as long as you don’t say he likes them. “Brock, do you want some corn on the cob? ” … “no,i don’t like it”… “you loved it last week! ”
    Ughhh! ! ! . And he insists that his sandwich be crust free, then proceeds to eat the meat and cheese only. (that’s 10 seconds of my life I’ll never get back, every single time I make a sandwich). Oddly enough he’ll even eat salad. Kids are weird. Lol

  28. Kat says:

    Mine’s only 10 months old and will literally gag if I put avocado in her mouth…but I spend a significant amoubt of time stopping her from helping herself to ‘kitty cigars’ in the garden. As far as I know, I’ve foiled three attempts, and unfortunately had the horror of turning from hanging laundry to see a shiny moist black cigar joyfully clasped in her hand. Is it appropriate to bleach your child’s mouth?

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