How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Dude To Dad: A Birth Story, Part I

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Dude to Dad: A Birth Story Part I

I read (or rather my wife reads to me) a mammoth number of birth stories from “mom blogs”. I’ll admit it: I love hearing about how babies are born. I said “born” not “conceived” you sick, sick individual. Each story I read is so cathartic and sometimes gross. But after I’ve read them, I’m left thinking just one thing: What about the Dad?

I know the mom did all the “hard work” and “child birthing” and “pushing” and “screaming”, but what about the father during those stressful, torturous times?

I’m now inspired to write about what I faced (and my wife too, I guess) in the trunk area of an SUV here in Los Angeles…

Truthfully, I can only describe what my wife endured only a year and a half ago as an act of heroine-ism. Heroism is for a guy, right? Heroinism? A little help here, anyone… Anyone?

2009: A Finn Odyssey

But let’s start off with a few ground rules…

We’re not going to harp on what childbirth style we chose. Our views on childbirth don’t matter to you. We did what everyone does: investigate what’s out there and then whittle down the ideologies to those that make sense to you. One of the best pieces of advice we got on the childbirth process was: Make a plan, do everything you can to follow it, and then be ready to throw it out the window.

It was a week before D-Day, a Sunday night. Our baby boy was now an overgrown Irish man-child, and my wife was definitely feeling his gravity more than ever. Anytime it would get past around 8:00pm, she’d go into full-throttle “WhineyBabySnugglePants Syndrome”. I had to pick up after her, remind her if she had shoes on, feed her and wave palm fronds.

And so on this eve of her Maternity Staycation, we decided to actually tackle and finish the nursery. A great many of our friends were late for their due dates but with my son’s size, Avara probably would have rather given birth to a cactus than a two-week-late butterball of mine. Our remedy was to further prepare for his arrival like an airport landing strip turning on the ground lights.

Moby wrap this, sucka.Pre-launch Moby wrap test. Test = Failure.

So, we played around. I built a bookcase for him. She folded clothes. I assaulted a perfectly nice monkey with a Moby wrap. My brother then came over and helped me lug a piece of furniture up eight flights of stairs. He retired to the living room to watch sports while my wife and I sat talking to her stomach in the nursery, trying to coax this karate kid kicker out of her nether regions.

At that point, my wife went for a bathroom break. I was down the hall when I heard a distant “OHMYGOD”. My brother entered the room seconds later and said dazedly, “Avara needs you.” I rapped lightly on the bathroom door and a little voice half-whispered, “My water just broke. It’s everywhere.”

To be continued…

Read Part II in this three part series!

Click here to stay tuned for the next birth story episode in our Notebook section.


22 Responses to “Dude To Dad: A Birth Story, Part I”

  1. Tad says:

    Love the Space Odyssey photo! I wrote a story of my son’s birth too, though skimped on much of the pre-birth humor and went straight for the meat. I guess mostly because we had a meat-head nurse “helping” us at the hospital, which itself demanded a blog post to elaborate the yukkiness of. Honestly, I think Justin Bieber would have made a better nurse.

    But whatever, in the end, it’s the end product that matters, and we did OK.

    Oh, and I’ve NEVER figured out the damn moby wrap. That’s why I went straight for the BabyBjorn. 🙂

  2. Nancy Master says:

    Didn’t I tell you! Sage advice I tell ya! :-))

  3. Desiree says:

    Avara’s belly was big for a singleton.

    • charlie says:

      I know. We had a friend say what a big belly she had. Cut to: 14 months later that friend is having a baby and now gets to experience it herself. Blam!

      • Desiree says:

        Some day when you want to be scared out of your gourd and you haven’t got any horror movies around, just ask me to show my pregnancy photos around. I have one in my facebook photos from almost 3 months that looks almost full term. It was intense.

        BTW, the 2001 Belly Odyssey thing is freaking awesome.

        • Casey Calvelage says:

          Oh ya I had the same thing, at 15 weeks people were asking if I was full term, went to my uncles wedding in Sept. 2011 just waddling at 4 months and people were just all over me asking how much longer, then jaw dropped that I wasn’t due till the end of Feb.2012! Got worse around Christmas time people stopping me in the mall washrooms asking if I was having a Christmas baby… Nope still 2 and a half months to go but thanks for reminding me I havnt seen my feet since this s all started lol I can say I miss the big belly for holding my plates on while vegged out on the couch 😀

  4. ChiMomWriter says:

    Love your writing in this. But I have to know – Did you ever get the Moby Wrap to work WITH the baby? I only managed it twice and then tucked it away for a more chimom-proof carrier.

    Anytime it would get past around 8:00pm, she’d go into full-throttle “WhineyBabySnugglePants Syndrome”. I had to pick up after her, remind her if she had shoes on, feed her and wave palm fronds. <- LOVE this.

    • charlie says:

      Thanks! I did get the Moby to work with him. We’re both very sweaty creatures so I picked my moments, but he loved it and fell right to sleep every time.

  5. Avara says:

    I just realized I should have asked for boob makeover during the editing process of the header picture. Having that big a belly would make anyone’s boobies look teeny tiny. I mean if you can put me in space with a sun rising over my belly, couldn’t you have at least given me a bigger cup size as well???

  6. Doug Furer says:

    Loving it! Keep up the great writing.. I’m adding this page to my favorites.

  7. […] To read Part I of “Dude To Dad: A Birth Story, click here! […]

  8. […] Read Finn’s birth story: CLICK HERE […]

  9. […] read Part I of “Dude To Dad: A Birth Story, click here! To read Part II of “Dude To Dad: A Birth Story, click […]

  10. simpli says:

    this is truly an amazing !!! ever since i have conceived i have only read birth stories from mothers … and so far the daddy blogs were mostly about after the birth. Its really graet to know that going to be a daddy had inspired you to learn all the stuff! i mean not everyone does that!
    cheers to the great daddy! 🙂

  11. Awwww. Our kids share a birthday! Ruby is 4 though. And my water broke after I farted in our living room.

  12. […] Read about our first son’s birth! It’s a REAL good time. […]

  13. John VF says:

    Cool story, love your writing. I just started a blog of my own to document my child’s birth. Please have a read!

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