How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Shifty Santa

Posted by , under SNAPSHOTS


I’m sure at the time this photo of me was “cute” and “adorable” and “heart-warming.” But looking at it today, I see something else…

The shiftiest Santa I know

SHIFTY SANTA:
Keep your hands where
we can see them.

Maybe I’m interpreting it with my 2011 cynicism?

But, the more I look, the more photos of my son below further evidence the shadiness of the goings-on above. Look how sweet and platonic the Santas are with my son in the three photos. Notice the regulation glasses. The calm, if ambivalent demeanor. The legit beards.

When I look at that photo of me all is see is pedo-glasses, a fake stank-beard and a fierce desire to drink “spiked eggnog.” North Pole? More like the corner of North 20th Avenue, leaning against a pole on probation for B & E.

Little baby elf monkey Professional Santa Photo Toddlers love soda!

Good thing I had a giant can of mace in my pocket and a black belt in punching bowls full of jelly. I may have to teach my son the skill that every kid should be familiar with by the time they can walk: the testicle kicksplosion.

Happy Holidays everyone,

Charlie

 

4 Comments

4 Responses to “Shifty Santa”

  1. Hannah says:

    I don’t think your son likes visiting Santa.

  2. Elizabeth says:

    Oh boy, that Santa does look like a creep! You look adorable however :)

  3. Ang says:

    what does it mean that you look happy with shifty santa and your son looks miserable with the others?

  4. shira says:

    OMG Charlie! Seriously scary santa pic.

    Umm… and I agree with Hannah – your son doesn’t seem to be digging the Santa visits…

    -s

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