Survival of the Daddliest
I swear I don’t wear tinfoil hats. I’m not a huge fan of bunkers. I don’t have an armory. Yet.
So, why am I anticipating the collapse of civilization these days?
I’d never admit it but the end of the world and my fatherly place in that scenario scares the piss out of me. My wife and I used to love a movie with good “apoca-porn”, films depicting the end of days with plots centered on ‘survival of the best looking’ and truckloads of money spent on explosive effects. My wife was a fanatic. When our son arrived that all changed. If I witness a child in harm’s way in a movie or in print now, all I see is red. I feel like I might burst into a billion particles of testosterone.
I can’t shake this feeling of being unprepared for threats against my family. I’m talking about having to protect them midst the violent chaos of a total planetary reboot. Financial. Political. Cultural. Or otherwise.
I hope all the children in the zombie apocalypse have such good manners…I was watching our recent obsession, “The Walking Dead”, and the lead of the show ran through a forest and across fields carrying his injured, near-lifeless son. I looked over at my wife and said, “I couldn’t carry Finn (who’s a solid 30 lbs.) more than a half mile, let alone run it.”
Now, it’s very possible I’m the only one carrying these thoughts around in my head, but I’m alarmed by all these movies and books that depict apocalyptic events. In every case my focus is drawn toward my own faults, my failings if that thin veneer of social order were to fracture.
Under duress and threat of public stoning about six months ago, I read the entire “Hunger Games” trilogy over a few days. Following those (Young Adult, my ass) novels, I woke up to the realization that I have very few life skills. I can’t shoot, kill, clean, cure or cook an animal with any proficiency. If I had to choose between edible plants, I’d probably lick night shade and wipe my butt with poison oak before the fauna came in for a groin punch against my survival.
Let’s not even talk about the book/movie, The Road. That shit messed my head up for MONTHS. Not a hobby of mine, you know, thinking about ending my life if the social fabric frayed. And I’m not exactly pro-cannibalism or anti-thumbs.
To make matters worse, my wife and I attended a seminar on disaster preparedness a few months ago. They talked about supplies in the car, under the bed, in the closet, even in our pockets. They had everything covered. If Hurricane Katrina or any other of natural (let alone man-made) disasters have taught us anything, it’s that basic services go first. Resources become limited and our ability to communicate, even more so. Do you have a plan for those possibilities? We were busy furiously writing down notes on the $1000′s of dollars worth of supplies we needed, when they dropped the bomb:
“Los Angeles has very few entrances and exits. If something catastrophic happens, you need to be on the road in 15 minutes, at most, to make it out. Or else you’re stuck here.”
This is why I’ve been to the gym five times this week, running and lunging with a 45 pound weight in my arms. I’ve tested my strength and endurance. I’m desperate to find courses on nature survival, basic hunting. Once found, will this help me stop fretting about the end of the world, please?
Sorry if you wanted to read a post about my son’s diaper rash and his inability to use the letter “L” in the word “clock”. I guess I just want to wake up and know a thing or two. Or 15.
41 Comments
41 Responses to “Survival of the Daddliest”
You are not the only one that feels like this….I always feel like we’ll never be prepared…its not about being negative or dramatic. I always wonder if my family and I were in a movie like this how long would we survive…would we “last” till the end?!! lol
Thank Lord Voldemort I’m not the only one thinking about these things. Besides it being a lonely venture, it’s nice to know that other people might be prepared too. Nothing worse than all of society being complacent and falling apart when the poopy diaper hits the fan.
Charlie, you’re totally not alone. I’ve wondered about the “life skills” too. Incidentally, the trailer freaked me out so maybe having made that movie put you in a different place mentally.
However, as a boy scout who strives to “be prepared”, I can tell you there’s always a limit to how prepared you can be. Some things you can be ready for (e.g. child CPR, power outages, etc.), some things you can’t (e.g. end o’ the world, tsunami in Kansas, etc.). So don’t kill yourself trying to anticipate every contingency.
Yeah, I it was a major afterthought, realizing I had just completed that film and had to pretend to help my wife give birth. Can you imagine?
As a kid, end-of-the-world fantasies were my favourite. Okay, lots less gory than most movies, everybody except me and my loved one(s) would be dead instantly, far less dramatic. The focus was on survival. And I always did pretty well, I must say
Ah well, if something catastrofic happens, we’ll just have to wait and see and make the best out of it. You can’t be prepared for everything! And if there is an alien attack, they’ll at least attack America first so here in Europe we’ll have some extra time to prepare too 
Wait, do you know SOMETHING WE DON’T? WHY AMERICA FIRST? ::SPIDEY SENSES TINGLING!!!:::
This is why I started running. We don’t have kids, but my hubby is basically Rambo and I have no chance of survival without him. He’s my one item on a deserted island (or post-zombie apocalypse) not because he’s my husband but because he’s a survival machine.
Pick up the Zombie Survival guide and see if you can tag along on an FTX with an Army ROTC unit. You’ll be all set.
Believe me, I can do a lot of stuff. But it’s all relative. I’m a VERY fast learner and picked up a lot of skills, but I don’t have the complete set of skills to pull it off.
I’ve read that survival guide (after reading World War Z). Think I need to give it another read.
Before I even got to the paragraph, my first thought was “The Walking Dead”. Ever since my first pregnancy, I haven’t been able to stomach seeing children in danger or hurt (Sleepy Hollow was my realization…)
Didn’t seem to help that I knew something would happen to Carl by the end of the season premiere. I fell asleep halfway through (tired) and woke up in time to see Carl lying on the ground with a bullet in his chest… I just turned off the show thinking “I can’t handle that emotionally right now…not even going to think about it…”
As to protecting my family, I have enough mama bear instinct to get halfway through one of those movies. I want to take up self-defense classes and get into much better shape, but that’s because of the rise in home invasions >.<
So much stuff to seriously freak me the hell out o.o
You bring up a good point. We are capable of extraordinary things given the circumstance to perform. I’ve done some things I didn’t I could do when my back was against a wall.
I think the thing to do is complement that circumstantial superpower with skills that allow us to fully exceed the peril involved in the dangerous situation. Make sense? Yeah, not really.
No, I can’t watch shows like that anymore. I’m actually learning to can veggies, hand sew things, I can shoot a gun and kill what I need to eat, but I’m horrible at cleaning things that I kill. I usually will find someone else to do it.
I completely understand. I mean, less than three years ago (after the birth of my first child), I started researching things like that. I was thinking about starting a once a month things where me and other interested parties could get together and discuss things that they know how to do that we do not.
I’m not going to quote scripture or get all preachy. But I will talk about history. Natural disasters happen. So do diseases. It’s naive of us to think that we are untouchable. Us that WANT to learn to take care of ourselves are the ones that will survive. THEN, WE’LL be the good looking folks!!! HAHAHA!
I like your evil, maniacal laughter at the end. That really sets the stage for the “kill or be killed” scenarios in my head!!!!!!!
Well, I was getting a bit TOO serious. Needed a punchline, right?
(All serious again) Thanks for reminding me that I’m normal for all the weird stuff that goes through my head as a parent.
Oh, and the trailer that you posted? Well, let’s just say it invoked a LOT of emotion. Not the good kind either. But I do have to admit, it’s fun watching you act. I still chuckle a little bit when I see the Crohn’s Disease commercial.
Ah come on!!!! WHAT IF…!??!?!
You should have seen my husband’s face the first time I saw the commercial and started saying, “DUDE, IT’S CHARLIE!!!”. He’s like, “WHO?????” I’m guessing he was trying to lump you into a category of all the strange people I used to hang with before meeting him!
^-^ I know how to clean an animal and garden and sew and look after my own animals (go my mom for teaching all this to me before I turned 10!) but I don’t know how to shoot a gun or fish, ….yet. Both me and my Hubbie are going to learn together though and I also know about lots of local herbs used in healing and I have all these plans incase of an end of the world scenario I always feel a bit paranoid its nice when ur not the only one
I watched the video and then read the article around it and sympathize completely. I’ve always been an outdoorsy guy, more so after my stint in the military, and then I found outdoor nature/survival classes. They’re not always cheap, but they’re a gateway into learning a lot of skills like fire building from whats around you, quick shelters that will keep you warm and comfortable in freezing temperatures, that can be built to fit multiple people. Hunting, tracking, water prep.
To be completely honest, as I learned, I dabbled in it, but not to the extent I wanted, and less so once my work load increased to 75 hours a week. And then my daughter was born. I was happy and the suddenly terrified by the state of the world and what might be, and now, I find even more time to squeeze in practicing those skills.
Tracker School, Wilderness Awareness School and so many others have a plethora of information and different classes. If you take one class, the basic one at either will take you leaps and bounds in the direction you would need to go, if technology ended and chaos began.
Walking Dead rocked me, opening pilot to Grimm angered me, the thought of a single person with ill intent in the same state with my daughter has my hackles raised.
Better to be physically and mentally prepared and never need any of it, than to be ill equiped and have no clue if it does happen.
How interesting that we become aware of the world in a different way when a child comes into the world, right? This attitude of “I’ll be fine” goes away and you’re left with “What the hell is wrong with this place?” a little bit…
Even Harry Potter… ARGHHHHH
I’m right there with Jason.
Yes it’s wise to be able to deal with basic medical emergencies (I highly recommend a Wilderness First Aid course) And it’s just good sense to prepared for the basics. (fire, finding safe water, a little extra preserved food in the pantry, etc.)
But don’t go crazy. You can’t be prepared for everything and too much worry will take away from enjoying life with your family!
Very true, Alan. Don’t forget to enjoy the world while it’s still HERE!
I grew up in the country with a dad that could easily out-survive Bear Grylls, so I know a thing or two about a thing or two. I can hunt, clean a kill, make a weapon, and start a fire with 2 sticks and a rock. I’m glad these skills (which I previously thought of as novel but useless) will come in handy one day.
Btw, The Road? Still gives me angina. And I cried and hugged my baby for days after I read The Hunger Games.
I’m guessing I’m going to take “The Hunger Games” off my reading list. I’ll stick to goofy comedian biographies.
Bossypants?
I was thinking Chelsea Handler, but my second choice was BossyPants! Charlie, your read minds!!!
I can butcher chickens–and by extension any other fowl, I guess.
For the rest, Long Lash Mascara so I can bat my eyelashes as I plead for directions, matches, cash, platinum cards…you get the picture.
All kidding aside, growing up my parents had us each prepare a survival bag and keep it in our closet.
(FYI, Bear Grylls pants are so going on the holiday list!)
I cried watching that video…
I figure since I’m in Atlanta, I’ll just find those “Walking Dead” actors and hang with them, since they seem to know what’s up.
I meant to put this earlier. After watching the first two episodes of the Walking Dead, I got to thinking, if zombies go after loud noises, us with toddlers wouldn’t have a chance. THEN, I got to thinking, finding a sound studio and those wonderful soundproof rooms? I guess you could hold up in one of those places if you heavily fortified it?
I told you, my mind thinks about all that weird stuff. I mean the chances of actually zombies coming into being are slim to none, but the chances of a mind altering disease that made people that kind of crazy? Yeah, I can buy that. So all you folks in Los Angeles, locate your recording studios. They are your only hope… lol
So movies where kids are in danger bug the crap out of me but lets talk about the fact that I can’t watch the NEWS! The NEWS is worse than any movie about the end of the world. People breaking into houses and killing ppl. Children missing or dead (Baby Lisa in Kansas City?!?!?! but her mom was passed out drunk that night) I can’t take it. I want to watch the weather but not the news. I am scared all the time. It was fine when it was just me, but now I worry about my son. Could I protect him and save him??? We co-sleep for the simple fact that if someone breaks in or there is a fire, Could I get to him and protect him? I just want to sleep a night where I don’t freak out over every sound I hear. Sorry, just had to get that off my chest. Your topic brought up all those feelings I carry with me every day.
I think about end of the world scenarios constantly and vividly when I’m watching the Walking Dead. Thankfully there are a thousand ways out of here and I just bought an SUV. Now I’m going to have to learn how to fish w/dental floss and I’ll be set.
Ahhhh! I’m the same way, and completely obsessed with post-apocalyptic novels these days. Read “One Second After” by William R. Forstchen; it’s about what happens when an EMP wipes out everything. That book caused us to put together a large stock-pile of non-perishables in the basement, and seriously consider getting a gun.
LOL. Did I miss something in reading The Road? Cannnialism? Ah well. Life has left me capable of overlooking some bad things.
In Tucson, when we had to worry about the A-bomb, and “leave your kids at school, they will be taken care of.” Yeah. Sure. And a skinny, two lane(one each direction) street across the river. I figured in the first 15 minutes, there would be a pileup, and no one could get past. The streets are wider now – but the bombs are bigger, also.
I don’t know if there is one close to you, but you should try looking for a Bass Pro Shop near you, they offer these kinds of ‘wilderness prepared’ classes. There is one in Rancho Cucamonga, which is about an hour or so east of LA on the 210
Maybe this is a parenting thing… Since the little one came along I sometimes sit up at night planning our survival strategies for the various apocalyptic “what-if”‘s. Zombie apocalypse? Plans A, B, and C: check! Collapse of civilization? Check. Raptors (the dino kind)? Check and super check.
I think something about being responsible for the survival of another human being sends some people into overdrive.
I don’t think this is a bad thing.
**by the way, read World War Z. That STILL has me messed up.
Yep, I’m glad I used to spend weekends in the forest with a knife, a flint and my wits. Those log cabins we built as young teenagers were good practice too. Survival is more doable of you focus on skills and knowledge. Supplies will always run out/spoil/get stolen. Plenty of wild strains of plant are cultivatable. Game can always be found if there’s water and vegetation. Sometimes I wish we weren’t so civilized, but I’m grateful for the knowledge I gained growing up where I did. I feel good knowing I’ll have a fighting chance if ever our infrastructure collapses.
The first episode of Grimm had me in an all out panic frenzy. It didnt help that the little girl looks like my little girl. I vowed that my daughter wont be walking home alone in red. EVER! Obviously since having her I have gone from logical to slightly nutty when to comes to her. I try to be as prepared as I can be. Nothing wrong with that.
Totally with you on this. Except I have gone through all of the (paranoid?) training, so fortunately I can shoot, hunt, skin and cook things. Of course, I live in the Conejo Valley, so the kids had better develop a taste for rabbit pretty quickly.
Actually, there’s a group called the Zombie Squad that gets together and teaches things like that. They started out as zombie enthusiasts, but have since branched out into general disaster preparedness and survival skills; they have several chapters across the country. The one closest to you is in Las Vegas – here’s their Facebook page. https://www.facebook.com/ZombieSquadLasVegas
and their main website:
http://zombiehunters.org/
Hope it helps!
Just stumbled across this site tonight and I LOVE it! You’re definitely not alone in your thoughts. I really hope there’s never a zombie apocalypse because zombies are my biggest fear. Sounds funny, but it’s true. (Thank you, Resident Evil and the anthrax scare in 2002) On a lighter and slightly unrelated note, my almost 2 year old daughter has also recently learned how to say clock… Minus the L, naturally.
So I just spent fifteen minutes digging up information on you on the Internet. (It’s not creepy; I research my new favorite actors
I can’t seem to figure out where to get information on 8.31. Do you have a link to a website or something?