How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Modern Babysitter: The Dog

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I just have one question: Is this dog available for hire?

Some people cringe at the sound of a kid crying. Even if it isn’t theirs, sometimes especially if it’s theirs. Some people can’t stand the raucous symphony of dogs barking or howling. They’ll do anything. Yes. Sometimes bribing is used to make the madness stop. Maybe a steak thrown into the neighbors yard. Someone has to have resorted to this. Hopefully not filet valium, but I wouldn’t put it past anyone. Or for a kid, maybe a lollipop or a toy or any possible thing you can lay your hands on that will turn the faucet off on the waterworks.

The sun, moon and stars are always disco dancing around, but every once in a while they get together in a celestial chorus line. And that’s when you get this perfect harmony. A dog’s howling that shuts a kid’s tantrum up. Hey! What’s that? That’s the sound of “man’s best friend” soaring up to BFF status.

How far along is cloning again?

Our Pinterest boards are really pretty…
…if by “pretty” you mean immature/ridiculous.

Learn some stuff from our Instructional Diagrams
Just kidding.


15 Responses to “Modern Babysitter: The Dog”

  1. Yeah, the dog just wants the kid to shut up, shut up, SHUT UP! I’ll download it for future use…….Ha!

  2. Stephanie K. says:

    This is AMAZING!!! hahahaah!

  3. Phil says:

    Awesome! Now if you can just get them to poop in the toilet all the time and make it easier to feed them, I’ll be down.

    …a dog would be nice, too.

    • andy says:

      I somehow read your comment in reference to dogs, as in, getting dogs to poop in the toilet. Ha ha ha ha! Sorry. My funny bone has a soft spot for dogs pooping. It always makes me laugh, the pose they take. I know I know, not the most intellectual form of humor, don’t judge.

      • Phil says:

        Once I realized I could make my kids laugh hysterically with ‘toilet humor,’ the flood gates were unleashed, and I instantly reverted to having the comic sense of a 7-year-old. Who says youth is wasted on the young?

  4. Swear Mah hand to God this happened…

    So Fiancé’s Holier Than Thou mother kept dropping by uninvited, staying so long we’d kinda have to feed her dinner. (While she bitched the whole time how her pweshus weshus baby wasn’t being “fed properly”. Bitch, he’s eatin’ it, aint he?) I digress.

    Finally, I hatched a genius plan. MIL comes over and sho’ as shit, stays for dinner. So, when it comes time to clear the plates, I put ’em down in front of my dog, who licks ’em clean.

    Not missing a beat, I put them in the cupboards.

    She hasn’t stopped by for dinner since.

    I love my dog.

  5. Christina says:

    My husband is convinced leaving the kid with the cat is a good plan…

    My son’s first Halloween, we went to a home with a little ankle biter who just kept BARKING!!! You know how annoying that is, right? Well my son gets all excited and starts SHRIEKING at the dog!!! Really high pitched! My son would scream, dog would bark, louder scream, more barking, loudest scream – the dog shut up! And then my son laughed and went to pet him =p

    • andy says:

      LOL! That’s hilarious! My little Lucas tried that but didn’t take it far enough to shut the dog up, so I took over. It wasn’t a fair fight. Two year old vs German Shepherd. Time for daddy to throw down some woof.

  6. Sleep Deprived says:

    LOL My 2 yo likes to blame her misbehavior on the dog. She’ll yell at him “Duncan! No hit Oliver!” (her older brother), “Duncan, no throw iPad!”. Then she cries when she’s in trouble because Duncan gets to do all the thing’s she’s not supposed to… Duncan just looks at her begging her to drop the smooshed cookie she’s been carrying around in her sweaty palm for the last 3 hours… a girl just needs someone to boss around, right?

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