Sodastream of Consciousness
I was rummaging through some old photo albums last night (trying to find proof that I am, in fact, human) and came across an image of my mom and baby-me taking a short break from a walk.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
But maybe she was just following orders? Could that be it? Or maybe she’d been brainwashed by years of ads like these below….
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I’m going to have 72 sodas now. Have a great weekend!
Horseshoes and hand grenades,
Charlie
58 Comments
58 Responses to “Sodastream of Consciousness”
Is that a homemade, denim Baby Bjorn…ish thing? That’s badass. Sell some of those suckers on Zazzle, why don’t you? With zombies and shit.
If we could, we would. BELIEVE YOU ME. I want to see a zombie wearing a denim Baby Bjorn. Best of all possible outcomes.
I could embroider a zombie on one!
[Andy's Late-Night Commentary]
To understand the majesty of this photo, you should take notice of some particulars:
Denim Bjorn?
It probably didn’t come with a sleeveless denim jacket. But it should have!
DJ Chazy Fresh?
Yes, that cap is turned that way. But what you don’t know is that it’s pointing directly at a line of teens in Australia that are waiting for Journey tickets.
Motor Oil Can
Back in the dizzay, you couldn’t crush a can of Coke on your forehead. Those soda cans were built Ford tough!
Go, Charlie! I wish I had kid photos as unbelievamazing as you. Aaaaaand I’m done…Zzz Zzz Zzz…
-Andy
First, I can’t believe the other Andy swooped in and got FIRST comment on you like that Andy.
Second, there’s a TV show somewhere in the entirety of what you just wrote. I know it.
Yeah, that blew me away too. Way to steal thunder, Other Andy!
A YouTube show at least. (WINK WINK)
And THAT would be how my younger brother ended up with no top front teeth for two years. His baby ones rotted out and his grown up ones didn’t come in for a while.
Oh geez! That sucks big time. Note to self: SODA ROTS YOUR TEETH.
your mom was hot!
Like I haven’t heard that before. I was on my high school wrestling team and the comments made there pretty much scarred me for life. That was a lot of fun.
no pre-teen or teenage awkwardness for Charlie, no sir. He was on a strict regiment of soda from early on.
Yeah, drink soda and all of your social ineptness disappears, along with your teeth. Yay!
I would be so curious to see the looks you would get if you tried that now in a playground somewhere!
I’m tempted to fill an opened can of soda with water and have him take a sip, just to see what would happen.
That is genius! I’ll jot it down on my list of “potential trouble-making ideas”.
My Great-Great-Aunt, Jimmus, put Coke in my formula to get me to burp. I never had stomach trouble but my teeth were awful as a child! Thanks Coke!
Dear Great-Great-Aunt Jimmus, Thanks for the teeth problems & hyperactivity! Love, MotherDuck
All this soda hatred aside, I want to work for the Soda Pop Board of America. Okay, maybe not. But it seems like it would be like working at the Lollipop Guild from the Wizard of Oz. And they’ve got pretty fun uniforms…. I’m done now.
Speaking of teeth problem and hyperactivity…
http://youtu.be/k_CAs3q7G48
Wow! I forgot how creepy that scene is. What’s with the freakish frozen facial tick on those… kids? Little people? Too much soda too soon after birth probably.
Sad thing is that this is still common practice in the south. Everyone thinks I’m “strict” because I don’t let my 10 month old have soda or tea. I just can’t stand to see a baby with a bottle or sippy cup full of Mt. Dew, it drives me nuts.
My wife is crazy about that too, and I see the danger for young kids. BUt at some point, everyone down here in the south turns to soda, and they hit it hard. 32 ounces? That’s child’s play. I went to church’s chicken last week and they offered me a gallon of soda with my meal? A gallon? Seriously?
Oh, and Charlie, sorry about the mom joke before. In retrospect, that was uncool.
Don’t worry. I’ll come find you in person and we’ll “work it out.”
That’s total insanity to me. I drank too much soda growing. I can’t imagine waging that war on my son’s body too.
Yes it is way to common down here, I don’t even like mine to have it much less do I want it in a way he can transport it everywhere. I watched my cousin but soda in her not even one year olds bottle before.
Whaaaat? That’s so crazy! Here in Vancouver (Canada) they ran an ad campaign that said to avoid giving children under 6 years sugary drinks, including juice! I can’t imagine giving a baby soda. Times sure change.
Are those ads for real? They can’t be. They have to be photoshopped or made as a prank. Right? Right?
Near as I can tell, they’re legit. Yikes. YIKES.
So fake. Check the spelling and how there is no such soda pop board of America.
http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/strollerderby/archive/2008/09/20/they-used-to-say-give-babies-cola.aspx
The one on the left has a spelling error. I think that one’s been played with.
HA!! Love it, and LOVE the denim bjorn. Badass.
Straight up 80′s yo!!!
Take a rusted nail or bolt and soak it overnight in a can of coke. See what happens. A friend of mine did that and he was a coke drinker. The bolt looked great after soaking all night. Took the rust right off. He stopped drinking coke cuz he figured if coke could do that, he didn’t want to drink it and have it in his stomach. Science Experiment!
Yay science!
I’m willing to bet my last dollar that somebody put Coke in my bottle when I was a kid. I have no photographic evidence but how do I know? Well, I let my grandma watch my (at the time) 12 month old baby while we were moving. I walked in, and she had a can of Coke up to his mouth. She KNEW she was doing something wrong because she quickly hid it behind her back and laughed. Did I mention that morbid obesity runs in this side of the family? (I’m not, but man, I’ve got the genes for it, I’m sure.)
Meanwhile, I won’t give my 5 yr old soda.
Charlie’s pic is amaaaaazing. But it makes my skin crawl to think of tiny kids/babies drinking ANY soda. Even if morbidly heroin-skinny hipster genes run in their family. Keep on not giving your kid soda!
But if you do, make it just enough to make the kid “festively plump.”
Oh my gosh, as an avid Coke lover, I am in love with this post! I love those classic ads! Maybe I should introduce cola to my baby!
)
Jamie
For Love of Cupcakes
Hilarious. I have vintage coke ads in my kitchen; I bought some National Geographics from the 50s at a used bookstore in order to get the back cover ads for five-cent Cokes to frame. They don’t claim to be making something good for babies. Maybe that came later.
PS I think you are in a framed backpack, not a front carrier, in the photo.
Warning Conspiracy Theory coming your way:
I’m convinced that Coke and other soda companies make drinking water undrinkable in countries they can get away with it in order to sell more soda. In Zimbabwe for instance, They drink soda more than anything else.
Back to your regularly scheduled blog.
Dude- Your mom’s awesome hot.
Hilarious!
72 sodas…lol!
Also love how you’re mom’s shirt, well, her whole look actually is so back in style. All the hipsters on Main Street look just like her.
I thought EXACTLY the same thing! Ha ha!
“What once was, shall be again.” (gong!)
Haha, at least you weren’t one of those Indonesian chain smoking toddlers. Awesome picture, and awesome site.
Wait, those are bad?
Oh man! That Marlboro kid is craziness! Thanks for the nod.
It’s amazing how times have changed. Doing that today is considered one step away from child abuse. (At least in the hippy organic attachment parenting area that I live.)
Are those ads at the bottom for real?
Charlie, you look a lot like your mom! Not that you look like a girl or anything…
My cousin gave me this bit of advice at my baby shower, “Don’t put soda in a sippy cup, it’ll fizz all over the place!” I’m sure I laughed and said, “Ok” all the while wondering why the eff anyone would give their child soda, sippy cup or not! Amazingly, the kid is brilliant (no hyperactivity problems) and his teeth are just fine.
I’ll bet you also have a picture of your little self standing in the danger zone at a Jarts tourney, right?
BTW, I’m in Michigan but I think everyone here is but one generation removed from Tennessee. Hence a lot of southern culture tendencies.
She was using Instagram WAAAY before it was cool
“Fitting in” ?!?!?!? “Lifetime of garanteed happiness.” ?!?!?! And rotting teeth! “Pure”?? “Wholesome.” ????????? Oh my good god almighty.
When i was a little girl in Mexico, we thought 7up was a type of medicine. Whenever us kids had a fever or a tummy ache or anything really, 7up was just one of the remedies of choice. Curanderas, anyone?
My mom gave us ginger ale for an upset stomach. And I do the same, ginger is an excellent way to settle an unhappy stomach. It has the added bonus of putting something in your stomach when you can’t keep anything else down. Some people think it should be a bit flat, but I don’t think it matters unless the carbonation bugs you.
Just make sure the brand you choose is made with real ginger and not just ginger flavour. Canada Dry is my preference
Isn’t this back when Coke had actual coke in it? That might explain a little more…
We have a diabetes problem here in Manitoba. People put Slurpees in their baby’s bottles. We are also the Slurpee capital of the World. Diabetes and Slurpees? Say it ain’t so!?!?!