How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad


Posted by , under SNAPSHOTS

Let’s try an experiment.

We here at (HTBAD — if you’re on the stock market) are very lazy. We don’t like doing all the “work” around here. Screw that.

We’re going to put up a photo every so often, and we want you to write a caption in the comments below. The winner will get their blog tweeted about and posted on our Facebook page.

Sound good?

So, here’s the first one, starring Finn:

Finn was recently pulled over for talking on his cell phone while driving a plasma car.

So, let’s post your caption! Good luck!


“Hey, Pop, so listen. The next time you embarrass me on your blog, I want you to remember that I’ve seen you naked. And I know how to use an iphone.”

Our winner is KAT from “Sh*t My Kid Says” – Kat’s son Colin says THE MOST amazing stuff. Totally worthy of a visit. We guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!

1. Scott – “Beyonce…baby… straight with me, is it mine or is it his?”
2. W. Moy – “Hello, DCFS? Yes, it’s me, Finn AGAIN…”

Thanks everyone!!


84 Responses to “CAPTION CONTEST #1”

  1. Angi says:

    You want me to say what?!

  2. Mark Farmer says:

    Is that 911? Please help, my dad’s using me to supply his punchlines but not paying me.

  3. Leesepea says:

    “What’s that, Officer? No cell phones while driving? Well, yes, I did know… And, where’s my helmet? Well, I seem to have forgotten… Oh? Downtown? Really? Ok… Uh… Can I call my Dad?”

  4. Jon Allen says:

    “What do you mean you don’t cover ride-ons, Progressive?!”


    “You mean to tell me I could’ve saved 15% or more on ride-on insurance with Geico?”

  5. I’m sorry Delilah, I won’t be making it to the office. I’m taking a mental health day.

  6. trexdad says:

    Why do you always hand me the phone to talk to people I don’t want to talk to??? Who is this old lady saying “Hi there cutie patootie”, anyways???

  7. Get me JP Morgan, the market’s tanking and I need to SELL, SELL, SELL!

  8. Kevin T. says:

    Thanks for everything, Mr. Jobs. I’ll take it from here!

  9. Hello police?! Ya, I’d like to report some idiot who’s driving and talking on their cellphone license plate iSJOBS.

  10. Binkheder says:

    Good morning dude please tell my boss that I’m in 1st floor. I am driving to work.

  11. Shawn says:

    Officer, I wasn’t using my cell phone while driving!

  12. Dad! I’m ON the PHONE!!!! Gosh – you’re ruining my life.

  13. “Yeah, I’ll take a triple-skinny soy caramel latte no foam. And a cheese danish.”

  14. “No, Mr. Trump, YOU’RE FIRED!”

  15. Stephanie K. says:

    “oh! Hi Dad. Who was that? Just this little toddler down the street. She’s pretty cute so I was practicing putting on the charms just like you taught me…”

  16. Rick says:

    Play “Misty” for me.

  17. MotherDuck says:

    Can I have some privacy!?! Jeez Dad.

  18. I think we may have a potty emergency on our hands!

  19. Rob says:

    Uh… let’s see… pepperoni, olives and… anchovies. Definitely anchovies. And can you charge that to HTBAD?

  20. Marie Black says:

    What, Dad? I’m talking to my agent. Don’t be jelly.

  21. or maybe “I think I just pooped.”

  22. Nicole says:

    Well, I’m gonna go, then.

    I don’t need any of this!
    I don’t need this stuff!

    And I don’t need you!
    I don’t need anything!

    Except this.

    This phone.
    That’s the only thing I need is this!

    I don’t need this or this!

    Just this phone.

    And this paddle game.

    The phone and the paddle game
    and that’s all I need.

    And this remote control.

    The phone, the paddle game
    and the remote control. That’s all I need.

    And these matches.

    The phone, these matches
    the remote control and the paddle ball.

    And this lamp.

    The phone…

    …this paddle game, the remote control…

    …and the lamp, and that’s all I need.

    And that’s all I need, too!

    I don’t need one other thing!

    Not one. I need this.

    The paddle game, the chair…

    …the remote control
    and the matches, for sure.

    What are you looking at?

  23. Mayank Yadav says:

    ‘Driving future with technology’


  24. Mariani Saderlund says:

    Oh my gosh,I can’t believe what I am hearing. Really?

  25. Bianca says:

    “But mommy does it…”

  26. andy says:

    I know I’m not qualified, but…

    “Beam me up, Scotty!”

  27. the grumbles says:

    “Listen… …do you smell something?” (bonus points if you name the source. don’t shame me with your ignorance.)

  28. jenny says:

    “Um, hi grandma. Can you come get me? I’ve about had it with these people.”

  29. Babe_Chilla says:

    “You aren’t seriously suggesting I start dropping deuces in the toilet, are you?

  30. JD Savage says:

    What do you mean he resigned? The stock price is what? Gahhh!

  31. Johnny Blake says:

    You never know when rody will strike!

  32. “Yeah, this guy thinks he’s the paparazzi again. Yeah, the cheapskate who can’t dish out the money for an iPhone 4 for me… what a tool.”

  33. Sargent Soldier says:

    Uhhh… Hello?!?

  34. Mike says:

    Finn misses the first prompt (English press 1)
    …para español aprieta dos
    Für Deutsch drückt drei
    Per l’italiano preme quattro

  35. Kory says:

    I said, “Sell it all and buy HTBAD”

  36. Dax says:

    Hello? Hello? Eh am I doing this right? Wha.. Heeey this is the remote!

  37. jason garris says:

    “Man, I gotta let you go… the dude in front of me just rolled his Big Wheel.”

  38. W. Moy says:

    “Hello, DCFS? Yes, it’s me, Finn AGAIN…”

  39. “I have to go. That guy is watching me again.”

  40. Jennifer says:

    My mother said WHAT?!

  41. Brian K says:

    Hey dad! I found all of these pictures of what seem to be mommies ready to feed me. I just pressed the “G” picture, and they just popped up! Let me go show mommy.

  42. Kimberly says:

    I suck at photo captions, so I’m not going to play by the rules. But holy crap, he is adorable. I just thought I should tell you, in case you didn’t know that already. 😉

  43. Shana says:

    Can’t talk now, pal – I’m trying to get out of Jersey before the hurricane, and the lines at the gas station are murder!

  44. Kevin says:

    Yo dawg, Ima let you finish, but this asshole is lookin’ at me somfin pedo. Nah sayin’?

  45. Keith says:

    “she said she only liked me for my Tonka truck!”

  46. Scott says:

    Hello, OCC? Is this Paul Senior? Paully, sweet looking chopper, I especially like the steering wheel, but I have to tell you that the traction sucks bananas on hardwood!

  47. Scott says:

    Jenny? Sorry, I meant Kimberly… So you want a ride on my hog or what?

  48. Jacopo says:

    It’s ET, he said he got home

  49. mike says:

    Say what again! I dare you!

  50. MaJenDome says:

    FinnDawg speaking. What can I do for ya?

  51. MaJenDome says:

    Dude, it’s hard to explain. It is green with blue spots and big white eyes. It really freaks me out man. I think it’s looking at me right now from the corner of the room. Why did they buy me that thing?

  52. Johnnie Bradley says:

    Mom?? You WILL NOT BELIEVE what Dad just did! Can I have a cookie?

  53. Dad, is that you? I think I could have my Thongies changes right about now.

  54. Dad, you know those Thongies you made me wear? Well, I think they need changing right about now!

  55. Franklin Hawks says:

    Did I just use my credit card for 1500 at best buy? I’m 2 I can’t spell best buy.” DAD!!!!! Did you ruin my credit already?”

  56. suraag says:

    we take care of ur kidz emotions!

  57. Kat says:

    They see me ridin. They hatin.

  58. Kat says:

    “Dad, it’s the internet. They say they want their funny back.”

  59. Kat says:

    “Dad, it’s my agent. He says you owe me half your blog proceeds and he wants his ten percent.”

  60. Kat says:

    “Hey, Pop, so listen. The next time you embarrass me on your blog, I want you to remember that I’ve seen you naked. And I know how to use an iphone.”

  61. Desma says:

    “ooooooh hey Dad…yeah…about that ‘no riding big wheels in the house’ rule…I was hoping it could maybe be over looked…yeeeeeeah, maybe that ‘no eating the iPhone’ rule too…k thanks, love youuuu.”

  62. “Show me the Money!!”

  63. Aaron Smith says:

    “This drivin’ would be easier if you’d just cough up your hands-free.”

  64. “Lola? Dahling, I’ll have to call you back. It’s the blasted paparazzi again.”

  65. Steve says:

    “What is that look for!?”

    Oprah’s No Phone Pledge doesn’t apply to big wheels! Sheesh

  66. Scott says:

    Beyonce…baby… straight with me, is it mine or is it his?

  67. Joey says:

    “Hello mom, dad told me to tell you my diaper’s dirty”

  68. Stephanie T. says:

    what do you mean the test results came back positive? *crashes car*

  69. Liza@Blahggy says:

    “Dad, I’m taking after you and calling my agent! That bastard says there’s just nothing for me right now!”

  70. Stop looking at me SWAN!

  71. april eom says:

    can you hear me now?

  72. Adriana says:

    “Ya, he’s still here. I’m looking right at him”.

  73. Craig says:

    “Yeah, look Babe, sounds good, but I’mma have to hit you back… Yeah, yeah, it’s Dad… Yup, camera’s in my face… I know, I know, what’s with the fucking pictures, right?… Right, like they’ll ever actually do anything with them. This just pisses me off… You know what I’m gonna do?.. No, what I’m gonna do. Yeah, well, just hold on a sec… (grunt)… Ha! There, I did it. Smell that old man! Maybe next time you’ll keep the God damned camera off me when I’m talkin’ to my girl.”

  74. theresa says:

    “MOM!!!, did you want a cheese or peperoni pizza?”

  75. Dali says:

    “Oh…..It’s you, dad. I thought it was MOM!”

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