How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Fatherhood Fridays #6

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What’s up Party Parents?! We’re back with another ridiculous Fatherhood Friday that no one will really read, but everyone will talk about… HAHAHAHAHA NOT!

Did we find some weird stuff? Yep. Do we need more? Yep. Send it to us!

I present to you, How To Be A Dad’s “Fatherhood Fridays” #6:

why does disney kills all the parents in their moviesWhy does Disney kill one or both parents in EVERY movie? ARGHH.

1. Ten Most Depressing Disney Moments
Disney has a long history of screwing me up in the head. Killing Bambi’s mom, locking up Dumbo’s mom in jail, etc. — THE MADNESS HAS TO STOP.

They have this weird thing about killing, silencing or just omitting one or both parents out of each movie. The result is a cacophony of kids crying and explanations about death or unfairness.

So, to arm you for the future, I tender this list of Disney’s most depressing moments of all time. This way, you can start prepping for your inevitable explanations about Mufasa’s death or why the first 30 minutes of the movie “Up” make you feel suicidal.

How many of these depressing moments do you know: CLICK HERE!

Star Wars PSA PosterEwoks: “Smokey the Bear ain’t got nuthin on me!”

2. College Humor: Star Wars PSA’s
Sorry. Please permit me to geek out for a minute on these Star Wars things that I found. Clicking the link will take you to several posters for Public Service Announcements using Star Wars characters, ranging from fairly rad to VERY rad.

Remember, you can be a dad and be a geek/Dungeon Master. Just don’t geek out and fail being a rad DAD. Use your Jedi powers and lightsaber. No one wants a nerd-father without skills. Get what I’m saying?

Me neither.

Anyway, I should probably stop posting Star Wars stuff since I’m basically outing myself as a nerd who had braces, glasses, wore sweatpants, played D&D and got “pants’d” climbing a chainlink fence, including underwear. Not that that actually happened.. or anything…

Again, I digress.

Star Wars is highly educational but these posters take it to a whole new level: CLICK HERE!

BONUS ROUND!

Optimist PrimeTo learn more about the artist of this amazing graphic, go HERE!

We’re launching RAD VIDEOS on our YouTube channel SUBSCRIBE HERE NOW!

FOLLOW US ON STUMBLEUPON: GO HERE!

 

19 Comments

19 Responses to “Fatherhood Fridays #6”

  1. Tracy says:

    Oh my GOD. I feel like every movie I watch with my daughter makes me suicidal. I don’t even attempt to watch Dumbo anymore: even thinking about it makes me feel verklempt. Surprised they left out Toy Story 3, though. That ending, with Andy going off to college and passing his toys on to the little girl makes me sob. All 9,876 times I’ve seen it.

    P.S. That negatron looks like me.

    • charlie says:

      I’m feeling pretty negatron myself, this week.

      I know the whole Disney formula is either:
      A. Build you up, break you down to give you no hope & then happily ever after
      or
      B. Break you down so you almost kill yourself during the opening and then find some kind of peace

      But I CAN’T TAKE IT!!!! AGRHGJHG:WIU$R(* $#YTH#(*HPJNVPJNN<DSNV

  2. Nathan says:

    My son is only 9mo old now but I look forward to those moments when I can explain something that he doesn’t understand or upsets him. I think it’s those moments when you get to learn something about yourself as well.

    Oh and let the inner nerd come forth. I played D&D in highschool. Though I sported baggy jeans and contacts. I STILL play D&D every Saturday night because my wife is awesome and lets me escape for those few hours. :)

    • charlie says:

      Looking forward to teaching your kids and having to explain that Walt Disney was a sadistic bastard are two different kinds of mouse. It’s important that we tell the universal, archetypal stories so we can teach core values but the 30-45 minutes in the beginning of UP made me want to skip the whole living and having kids things go directly to the graveyard. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

      The opening of UP should’ve been a separate short film called DOWN.

  3. Melinda says:

    With two boys, I’ve had to do far more Star Wars and Indiana Jones than Disney…but I do have my own issues with The Mouse.

    http://www.lcdlove.com/myspace/graphics/disney-gave-me-unrealistic-expectations-of-hair-myspace-graphic/

    You guys are hysterical. Nice to know my husband isn’t the only one.

  4. All I know, is that the intro to the Baby Einstein (disney owned) videos take 15 minutes before the damn video starts and my kid just sits there looking at me with watery puppy dog eyes like, “Daddy, why do you make me sit through this?”

    There are three disney promos, a few video FBI warnings, then another disney promo, then an intro of the video, which is really just a tease because then you get the official baby einstein opening with the colorful caterpillar, and then the video finally starts. Seriously, I can take three dumps and read Crime and Punishment between the time I hit play and when the disney video starts.

    • andy says:

      Disney in infamous for this. The fact that they have a half a day of pitching and self-inflicted back-patting is one thing, the fact that they lock the disc so you can’t skip it is cruel and unusual punishment.

      (to myself: “please don’t let them ruin Pixar please don’t let them ruin Pixar please don’t let them ruin Pixar please don’t let them ruin Pixar please don’t let them ruin Pixar…”)

      • Yeah, the “not permitted” is infuriating when I try to skip the intros.
        Especially on my blu ray player where the warning stays up there for 30 seconds or so like a reminder of how i’m a jerk for trying to skip it.

        • charlie says:

          I say the whole video/dvd/blu-ray watching experience is highly condescending and patronizing.

          Let’s revolt and find some movie reels. Much manlier watching style…

          • I got roped into watching home movies at my father-in-law’s house a few months ago. It’s weird watching old movies of your wife as a little kid. I didn’t know what to say. Do I say she was cute then too, or is that weird and pervy? I mean, she’s my wife, but as a little kid. In the end, I just stuffed my mouth with pretzels, started coughing, faked a stomach ache and went for a walk.

  5. heidi says:

    I have strongly disliked Disney movies since I was a little girl and my mom took me to see bambi. I now have a daughter and am not looking forward to trying to explain death, when I am a heaping pile of tears, snot and Kleenex. (pretty picture, eh?) I’m all about shrek and the funnier ones. Want to learn about death, watch the news!

    • charlie says:

      Truth in advertising, in your comment.

      Seriously, I understand the need to build a story arc, but COME ON. It’s not an arc or arch if you are drilled into the ground by it and can’t get up afterwards.

  6. Kat says:

    Finding Nemo. Jesus mother freaking christ on a cracker. It was my kid’s favorite movie when he was three. Mama fish gets eaten by a barracuda in the first five minutes. Note: Fast Forward until you see the big round sun. Then you’re safe.

    And, uh – just a couple of others in which the main character’s mother is killed?

    The Hunchback of Notre Dame
    The Little Mermaid
    The Fox and the Hound
    The Jungle Book
    Lilo & Stitch
    Brother Bear

    Thanks, Disney. That’s so effed up!

  7. Papa Vader says:

    Love the Star Wars PSA’s. This whole, Disney teaching tough lessons thing reminds me of another cinematic moral dilemma, do I start my son, Luke (Yeah!!!!!) On Episode I or IV?
    also, you think the disney, movies have a lot of darkness just read the orignals that so many are basd on. The Little Mermaid is straight F*d up

    • Cheryl M. says:

      I have a hardcover copy of the unedited/original Grimm’s Fairy Tales, and the Disney stories are tame in comparison! For example…the original Cinderella has one of her step-sisters shaving off part of her ankle with a knife in an effort to get her foot to fit in the glass slipper. “They” say that the major ups and downs of stories like this gives children a sense of empowerment in a world where everyone and everything is bigger than/intimidating to them.

      Papa Vader: Hubby and I are totally into SW too, and we decided to show our son the movies in the same order we saw them…starting with Episode IV.

      Charlie: Keep the awesome nerdness coming!

  8. Amit says:

    I want to die from this lion king thing, oh dear, Bambi’s mom should hang her head in shame – this is totally the worst of them all.
    But you know – no good children’s story can exist if the parents are still alive :- P

  9. Elise says:

    So glad my sister recommended your blog to me. Y’all are awesome.

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