How to Be a Dad

How to Be a Dad

Crappiest Father’s Day Gift Contest!

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Crappiest Father's Day Gift Contest

We’re calling our week-long celebration of Father’s Day DAD-MIRATION WEEK™! How are we celebrating? By running our first-ever contest giveaway, that’s how! The Crappiest Father’s Day Gift Contest! Submit your “Crappiest Father’s Day Gift” for a chance to win…

The Prize


* Note: This prize is not in fact amazing. It’s actually mediocre. We’re giving you our worst gift for your worst gift.


1) Submit your entry as a comment below, the worst/most ridiculous Father’s Day gift you’ve ever received, given or witnessed. Just post the “item” and a short description of why it was the worst. Please don’t melt everyone’s eyeballs with background story. Just the facts, men & ma’ams.

2) The “Top 10” will be decided by us and we’ll post them on Friday. Then everyone votes for the best one.

3)To qualify, you can “LIKE” our Facebook page. Click here. Don’t complain, we have to get something out of this. Starbucks cards don’t grow on trees.

4)Winner! We’ll announce the winner and make contact on Father’s Day about getting them the prize.*

* Make sure your email address is valid. We do not yet possess the ability to contact people by way of invalid email addresses.





59 Responses to “Crappiest Father’s Day Gift Contest!”

  1. charlie says:

    Hey Everyone,

    Usually Andy and I (more Andy because he’s a beast about it) jump in and try to reply to everyone. We’d like to stay out of it this time so we can get as many comments as possible from you without us jumbling things up.

    We can’t wait until Friday when we announce our Top 10!

    Best, Charlie & Andy

  2. Cambria says:

    I recall (when I was very young) deciding that an electric sweater “ball” remover would be a great gift for my dad. And some reason my mom let me get it for him.

  3. My stepmom didn’t get him anything, nor did she take the other kids to get him something.

    I gave my dad a model airplane. One that I had put together already. And had played with and broken. My sister gave him one of her toys.

    He just smiled and acted like he loved everything.

  4. Heidi says:

    I was 7 and was so mad at my dad that I went into my room and wrote an IOU that said ” i-o-u nothing..u-o-me a new dad” and then I gave him a rock from outside..he actually still has the rock haha

    • andy says:

      Hey Heidi,
      We’ve selected our Top Ten and your entry made the list (of course)! Voting is happening right now! Thanks for sharing and good luck!

  5. The Mama says:

    My sister and I “cooked” our father dinner one year. We were young, it was awful. Microwaved “fried” chicken. Like a rock. We ordered a pizza 😉

  6. I gave paperclips once. And I love Starbucks. Mediocre, my ass.

  7. Morgan B. says:

    It’s going to be hard to compete with the U-O Me a New Dad, but the worst possible Father’s Day gift I have heard of would be an life size Edward Cullen cutout.

    • andy says:

      Hey Morgan,
      You made the list! C’mon! Sure, the competition is tough, but all you gotta do is mention Edward on the interwebs and it’s like up-ending a bucket of chum into shark infested water. Starving sharks. Starving sharks that like things that sparkle in the sun.

  8. Matthew says:

    When I was about 9 or 10, one father’s day I got up early to make the coffee while my dad was still asleep. I was quite proud of myself, having never actually used the percolator, but confident that I knew how from watching him do it each day. I put the water in, added the top with the grounds and secured the lid. Then I put it on the burner and went to wake my dad… a few moments later, my dad woke up. Not so much from me waking him but from the stench that was now coming from the kitchen. I had put our *electric* percolator (yes, with a plastic bottom) on the stove. I guess I hadn’t wondered what the cord was for. What a present. Our house reeked of charred plastic for days after that!

  9. Joshua G says:

    I gave my dad a set of measuring cups one year, found out when he opened it that it didn’t have the 1-cup measurement… whoops… (I was ~ 15 w/a job)

  10. BlendingTime says:

    Saved for ages to get him a great pair of chrome salt and pepper shakers when I was 10. I thought it was a great gift. 25 years later when sorting rubbish out of his house I find them unopened in a cupboard. Bitter? not much. Crappy present? probably.

  11. Creassie says:

    I have always get my Dad the very best. I grew up poor, so most of the time it was the “very best” pinecone or rock. He still has those sitting with the presents I was later able to get when I grew up and got a job. Sometimes the worst presents can be the best

  12. Matt Peregoy says:

    Bacon Flavored Toothpicks. You think it would be awesome, but you’d be wrong.

  13. Del Thomas says:

    I once got my dad a pack of floppy disks thinking it would be different from the ladies socks i used to get him every year

  14. […] the terrible Father’s Day gift theme going and enter The Crappiest Father’s Day Gift Contest over at How to Be a Dad. The worst Father’s Day gift wins a $25 Starbucks gift card. Does it […]

  15. […] and our “Crappiest Father’s Day Gift” Contest is running right this very second! Enter to win or just check it out and […]

  16. Sarah S. says:

    Last year our 10-month-old son gave his dad a wicked case of pink eye in both eyes.

  17. Jason White says:

    A tin of Altoids. My sister got it for my dad because it had a cowboy on the tin. He used to rodeo professionally.

  18. Russ says:

    I gave my dad a grandfathers day card on accident when I was in high school. Greatest gift ever to a person going through his mid life crisis.

  19. Brad K says:

    A back scrubber for the tub/shower. It broke before I could do my Brian Johnson impersonation.

  20. Stephanie T. says:

    I think I recall giving a Dr.Pepper that I had already drank out of once. I walked into the house with a “Happy Father’s Day” banner hung in the living room, when I had completely forgot and handed it to him. He was not amused.

  21. jetts31 says:

    When I was a kid, I gave my dad Leader-1 from the Go-Bots and let me tell you, I loved Leader-1 so it was a gift from the heart. I showed him how he transformed and told him that we could have battles with the Renegades (I was going to be Turbo).
    For my birthday that October, he got me Leader-1. I’m thinking he regifted?

    • andy says:

      I loved/hated Go Bots when I was a lad. Charlie and I loved this and we tip our hats. It didn’t make the list because it’s rad and touching. The fact that it was regifted back to would have made it as a finalist for Crappiest Birthday Present for sure. 😉

  22. One Father’s Day we blindfolded my dad and led him outside. We were kids so we didn’t realize we needed to guide him and he fell. After he came to we untied the blindfold to reveal a brand new Jaguar in the driveway with a giant red bow around it. Once he untied the bow 2 doves were released into the sky but we quickly shot them down because each dove was carrying a box from Kay Jewelers. Tears streamed from my father’s eyes but he didn’t kiss us. Why didn’t he kiss us? Doesn’t every kiss begin with Kay? The reason this was a bad gift was because we stole everything and blamed it on him. He’s still in jail. Happy Father’s Day.

  23. So… I suck. We’ve been having marriage problems, and he keeps saying he wants to work on things. I got him the movie Fireproof, and the book The Love Dare to go with it. He looked at me and said… ‘So… you got me stuff that reminds me how bad our marriage sucks for Father’s Day. At least I didn’t get you ANYTHING for Mother’s Day.” No joke…lol.

  24. Ed Smith says:

    Psycho girlfriend in college told me, after a “private moment” together,
    “happy fathers day, I’m not on the pill anymore!”
    This was on father’s day 1990. (luckily, no progeny from that encounter!)

  25. Laura Semeniuk says:

    Last year my brother sent my Dad a “Happy Father’s Day” message on facebook. That was it.

  26. Deidra23 says:

    I’m pretty certain it was father’s day the first time my husband changed our eldest daughter’s diaper for the first time. She peed all over him. Happy Father’s Day!

  27. GrandeMocha says:

    Wow you people make me look bad, or good.

    I’m having the cleaning lady clean his motorhome before his “man” trip.

  28. David kovich says:

    My dad is a sports fan – got him the movie Jerry McGuire (later realized more romance humor than sports) when it came out on DVD. I don’t think he ever watched it….. still hasn’t removed the plastic….

  29. Aleksey Chernyshov says:

    The worst fathers day gift I ever got was a dartboard and darts set. Actually it was really thoughtful of my wife. That same year we had a newyears party and had a little friendly dart game. My wife was a little tipsy so as I went to pull out my darts she didn’t realize that I was by the board and tossed a dart. That dart hit me right on my butt (ouch). We were drunk so it was funny until the next day when I realized that I can’t seat on that butt chick. I still have a scar so yeah, I regret that present. Goodtimes!!

  30. Ed Katz says:

    I got a tie that was so loud our neighbors could hear it.
    Never wore it. Not even once, as a gag.

  31. Thomas J. says:

    Story: One time I bought my dad a hand held massage device from a Family Dollar (think very cheap and low quality lead an mercury filled products under $5.00 from China type of store). Later in life I realized it was a sex toy… which now explains the blank stare he gave me as well.

  32. sashalyn says:

    I know you hear this story all of the time, but the first thing on Father’s Day morning? Poop all over the kid, the crib, the wall… You get the idea. It was pretty crappy.

  33. • “I am indebted to my father for living, but to my teacher for living well.” — Alexander the Great

  34. Jim C. says:

    I try to work around the house but, like most I guess, I don’t have nearly enough time to do anything. One year, feeling adventurous, I asked for a “router table.” That particular Sunday I unwrapped an extension cord. When I hugged my kids and said, “Thank you.”, I asked my wife what the gift was for. She said that the guy at Sears never heard of a “router cable” so she figured I just needed so sort of cord for my router. (The gift was not wasted: you always can use an extension cord.)

  35. Lau says:

    A get well card, referencing his struggle with his mental illnesses, medication, and therapies.

  36. The worst mothers day/ fathers day gift I ever received was actually a live frog in my coffee cup. My children were young at the time (1 yrs, 2 1/2yrs and 4yrs) They thought it was the most beautiful gift they could give me. Now my kids are 18, 19 3/4, and 21 1/2. From the discussions I have recently over-heard, they plan on giving me a fish. Whether it will be alive or dead, edible or not…I have no clue!!! I guess it’s a wait and see thing. LOL

  37. Tie. Definitely a tie. Ugly purple and black tie.

  38. Tian H. says:

    the worst father’s day gift is pink friendship bracelet for 56 years old dad, 🙂

  39. matthew says:

    the worst thing i ever got was a box of orange tic tacs with a card that said my breath was bad from my 6 year old..

  40. Will says:

    Worts gift, one black sock. Not a pair just one! From mom.

  41. Jay B says:

    Well…..its 43 minutes in, and I am extremely disappointed…after getting my wife a Coach bag, a Tiffany’s necklace, and an expensive anniversary dinner…….(our son was born 3.20, my birthday is 3.27, our anniversary is 5.16, and obviously father’s day this year is 6.19)……..the only thing I received were two crappy cards… addressed to me from my wife, and another that said “our” and I only have 1 son…saying happy father’s day……..i doubt it, but I think a Mercedes in the drive way is out of the question……never been this disappointed in my life…..and it was my first father’s day…:)

    • andy says:

      Trust me it gets better and better. It’s rough at first, but later your expectations adjust away from the Hollywood and Hallmark standard and the reality of your child saying “Hap fodderie,” or some such, will cut through your soul like lava poured on a stick of butter.

  42. Erwin says:

    When I woke up this morning. My wife kicked me out of bed. Meaning I had to take care of our son, and she’s sleeping late!
    Happy fathersday…..from the Netherlands

    • charlie says:

      Thankless job, we have right? Heb een geweldige dag!

    • andy says:

      I’m just feeling a mixture of emotions here. Primarily, I’m sort of awestruck by how global the Internet is. I know it’s dumb. I know it’s typical insulated Ameticanism to be “what, there are other people out there who will see this? In places I would fail miserably in a geography test and simultaneously dream of one day visiting.” Happy Father’s Day! And thanks for visiting!

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